I had a super-successful productive day yesterday. I got through everything I wanted to, and thensome. I was working right up until midnight. I read through the February 2007 essay questions (all 10, which I found on the internet during the whole lawsuit media flurry, and liked having all 10 questions together to give myself a sense of the package deal) and felt okay - I didn't think I would have gotten a perfect score on all of them, but I think I understood what the issues were, and could have talked some for each.

Then today, we got up a little before 8. We went to our gyms. We came home, we showered. We walked up to town and went to our bank to sever our accounts (joint from individual) on our ATM cards, and changed our pin #s to be Euro-compliant. We went to an Indian food buffet, which was DELICIOUS. We went to the Gap, b/c I would like more skirts that I can just throw on to walk around town, and all my old ones fall off. We walked home slowly, stopping at Radio Shack to look for electricity converters for Europe. We talked, we enjoyed the 72 degree weather.

I did not freak out. I did not start twitching. I did not get upset.

It's now 1:30, and I'm about to head into my office/bar-study room/ kids' bedroom.

Do I feel guilty?

No.

Do I feel refreshed and ready to be productive?

Yes.

Do I, momentarily, feel like a healthy, well-rounded, able to carry on a conversation sort of person?

YES!

So no ... I don't feel guilty.

p.s. Feeling normal again also makes me miss my kids :( I really would like some snuggle time with them. I saw clothes in Gap Kids that would look great on them.

Labels: *E*, *J*, beloved, europe, exercise, weekends

posted by Zuska @ 1:27 PM 0 comments

Friday, July 20, 2007

less crappy than yesterday

Yesterday was crappy. I didn't get as much done as I wanted to,* I argued with Beloved,** and I just had trouble focusing.

Today, however, I have had a better day with the working and the learning and the studying. The sad part is, I skipped going to the gym in order to feel this way. That does make me sad. I've lost a good bit of weight, but I'd like to lose some more, in order to be the svelt Zuska that I was before injuries (minor) and law school conspired to Bloat Me. I haven't lost any weight in at least a month.

Today, I got up at 8, apparently forgetting to set my alarm for 7 last night. By the time I dragged my sorry ass out of bed, it was 8:30, and I was cringing at the visions of not starting my studies until almost noon again.

So I stayed home. I did some BarBri advanced questions (shittily) and then took a shower and took Commercial Paper and the essay book to a cafe. I struggled through Commercial Paper, then flipped to a few Commercial Paper essays and thought "wo! this has NOTHING to do with what I just learned!" and then once again convinced myself that it's the model answers that are stupid, not me. Because I HATE the model answers. And it's not just b/c they tell me I'm wrong, but sometimes, it's b/c I *know* they're wrong. I know it. They answer with multi-state principles despite the fact that we KNOW that Massachusetts is different. They're dumb. I hate them.

THEN I went and got a Chicken Shawarma with EXTRA garlic sauce. Yeah, Beloved's working today. I ate that while studying the chart on comparative and contributory negligence, to the point that I think I may actually be able to puzzle through it all. Now I'm going to go do 50 Torts Q's, then I'm going to review Trusts, and then I'm going to do essays.

I think this feeling of accomplishment was worth skipping the gym. Even though it makes me sad.

Also, I think getting out of the house and going to the cafe, and then the walk to the Shawarma joint really helped me to just feel better in general. I even tossed around the idea of taking the Red Book of Questions (which I am nowhere near even 1/2 way through, even though every one else in the Bar Prep Universe is already 3/4ths through the elusive Blue Book) to the park. In hte sunshine. With some water. On the grass.

Unfortunately, I suspect that I will fall to sleep, and then, during the real exam, I won't do well, what without the sunshine and the grass and all.

* Although I did: clean my room, clean up the kitchen, do 6 loads of laundry and pack for Europe as a run-through to see which bag would work. These things were not done because I had to do them that moment. They were evasive maneuvers.

** It was his fault. ;)

Labels: bar prep, everything, exercise, stress

posted by Zuska @ 2:08 PM 0 comments

Thursday, July 19, 2007

looking up and the sadness of harry potter

i had a great night's sleep last night, and am on my way out to the gym for an installment of endorphins.

spoke with the girls last night - i think they're doing well. they have not gone to see HP 5 yet, so i'll keep crossing my fingers that they don't make j go.

they are going to an HP book party on friday (jealous, jealous, jealous), and E is dressing as luna lovegood, and J is going as draco malfoy. he he he. really, she isn't a bad child.

not only is beloved not allowed to bring the book home from the party at his work on friday night, but he's not allowed to FORGET to bring it home from work on thursday, the 26th. i told him if he comes home (at 9 p.m. or so) without the book in his hand, we will return together, at 10 or so, to get it.

i am considering going dark b/t saturday and the exam on wednesday. perhaps locking my computer in a safe somewhere, and then losing the combination. i don't want to read spoilers about the book.

time to go sweat for a while. i think i'll bring our new book on Paris, and spend the time looking at where i'll be in just over a week.

Labels: *E*, *J*, books, europe, exercise, X

posted by Zuska @ 8:31 AM 1 comments

Saturday, June 23, 2007

This is a Saturday?

In order to squeeze in sufficient working time this weekend, I resolved last night to start working by 8 a.m. Since my daughters are slugs, I knew they'd be in bed or at least close to it until 10, and that I'd get in at least 2 hours of real work time before I was juggling work with caring for/being with the girls. We then plan to go to a Climate Action festival that my town is having, and then to the pool to swim and dive and laugh.

Then I got super-ambitious, and said, "I think I'll get up at 6, instead, just like during the week, and go running."

On a Saturday?

It's really surprising that I would say that.

What's even more surprising? That I did it.

I actually got up at 7, and did a truncated run, compared to the weekdays, but I was okay with that, because I plan on swimming laps later this afternoon.

So now, the bar exam has stolen at least 3 things from me:
1) Sex
2) Sleeping in on weekends
3) Reading for pleasure

After Beloved and I return from Europe, I am going to join my daughters in slug-ville.

These girls belong to me. This fact is evidenced by the fact that as soon as the alarm stops being set, they stay up late, and sleep late. When left to their own devices (i.e., in X's care) this gets so out of hand that they're up until 2 a.m. and sleep until noon. I believe that's insane. So at MY house, the worst is gets is up until midnight, sleep until 10. Oh yes, I am so much more civilized than my ex husband.

So far, we're doing okay. I send them toward bed at approx 10 or 10:30, and they read until they turn off their lights, which is around 11. And they are then crashing. And so far, at 9:08 a.m., they're still sleeping. So they are catching their Z's.

When they come home, 2 days after we come home, I want to join them in the experience of sleeping in. I want to read until I have no choice but to turn off my light. And I don't mean, "I want to read notecards with legal rules about torts, con law, and criminal procedure." I mean, I want to read a NOVEL. I want to read a magazine! Right now, my reading for pleasure consists of leafing through catalogs every time I get an extra 3.2 minutes, b/c I know it's only going to be 3.2 minutes, and I don't want to get invested in something I can't follow through with.

My day will come. It's on August 12th. The first day that the girls wake up here, at around noon. Since they'll be coming from X's house.

Labels: bar prep, exercise, kids, sleep, summer

posted by Zuska @ 9:02 AM 0 comments

Thursday, June 21, 2007

My Big Indulgence

Today was the second day in a row that I did not get up and exercise. I'm a loser. I didn't go yesterday, b/c it was the girls' last day of school, and I wanted to simply the morning. Beloved had made french toast and bacon, and they were excited, and so ... I didn't go.

Today was supposed to be my first day swimming in the a.m. instead of running. My new bathing suit arrived, perfect for laps with no escaping boobies, the pool schedule was double checked, and then I pushed snooze one more time.

This is a problem because it will be my first time at the adult open lap swim, and I'm nervous. The other day, I ran by the pool, and peeked inside to find out how crowded it was: very. I don't really feel like I'm good/in practice enough to feel comfortable swimming in a lane packed with people. I veer. I drift. So I was hoping to get there first. At the unlocking of the door, so that I could be the pace-setter, and people could be joining ME, rather than me joining them. I pushed snooze instead.

Of course, there is no such concern with the reservoir. So there was absolutely no reason why I couldn't have gotten out bed and donned running clothes instead of swimming clothes.

I pushed snooze again.

THAT was not the big indulgence.

Once I skipped out on exercise, and felt my uterus tightening forebodingly the entire way to BarBri, I thought, "this week sucks. I want a fucking bagel."

I actually have wanted one every day that I've passed the bagel shop on the corner, but I resisted. Why? Because I have lost approx 30 pounds, in part, by cutting carb-rich foods from my day-to-day diet. I don't regularly eat sandwiches, or have rolls, or eat noodles, or rice. There are occasions that I will have such meals, for whatever reason, but a bagel has not been one of those occurrences. I probably haven't had a bagel in a year or something.

Today (and yesterday, and the day before, and the day before) I wanted one. I wanted the yummy cream cheese, and I wanted the delicious onions and the toasty bread on the outside and the doughy bread on the inside.

And I got me one.

And it was NOT worth it. The onions looked fake, the cream cheese was messy, slimy, and sort of gross, and the bagel itself was second-rate at best.

what's more - I got home at 2 p.m., after a train ride sprinkled with cherries and almonds for a snack, and I'm completely shaky. All jittery and weak-feeling. I'm never like this! Other than the bagel (which I also justified as replacing my morning smoothie, which Beloved won't be making for me anymore, I don't think, since the girls will be home in the a.m., and sleeping when I leave, and they were really the intended beneficiaries of the smoothies ..... I suppose (get this!) I could make my own smoothies. Huh), my routine was as per usual. Coffee in the a.m., fruit during class, home and eating around 2. I'm never shaky. Except today.

I don't think that carbs are bad for everyone, but with my family history (Diabetes, Type 2 on top of heaviness) and my own personal reaction to pasta, rice and bread (bloating, gas pain, FARTS), I do believe they are not the best food choice for me.

I'm glad that today's indulgence was a flop, rather than a moment of ecstasy creating the temptation of repetition.

And tomorrow ... I *will* go running (the pool doesn't open early on Fridays). Sat/Sun, I will go to the pool, AND run, to make up for today and yesterday.

Labels: diet, exercise

posted by Zuska @ 2:10 PM 2 comments

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Two Degrees of Separation -- Morning Routine Disruption

This post seems closely connected, in different ways, to my two recent posts, and I find that funny.

This morning my alarm went off at 5:30, as usual, and I stumbled out of bed. I sort of wandered around the house for a little while, confused as to why I felt like shit. Not physically sick, but just --- foggy. Shitty. Crappy. Pooey. I looked outside, and the weather matched my mood. It was spitting out, and it looked cold. I said, "fuck it, I feel like such crap, I'll be crawling around the damned lake." and I got back in bed.

I woke at 7 to Beloved's concerned questioning - was I okay? Then I got out of bed to E's berating me, "Why are your running clothes hanging on the bathroom door???" I told them all to shut the fuck up (not in those words, because if I did, Beloved would be mad at me, and E would have a bad-mom who swears at her with the most profane of all swear words).

But then I thought, well, I'm waking up now, and I feel FINE. There's nothing wrong with me.

So on an impulse - I packed a gym bag! I haven't been to the gym since .... pre-graduation. I think. I've been running almost every day - but haven't been to the gym.

I went after bar class. It was great. I loved being back on the elliptical, and I had really been craving weights, and did a full body work out (since I'm not going back tomorrow to alternate). I realized that I really do love going to the gym. I did this quarter, and I did back in my Berkeley days when I did the YMCA every day. There's just something more motivating about the gym than there is about running around a lake. I do more sit ups, I go faster for longer. It's just more fun.

That made me wonder if I could work it into my routine after all. I can get a really cheap alumni membership. But it's still not in a convenient location, and the household rhythms still don't match up, and, probably most importantly for right now, I didn't sit down to start working until 3:30 p.m. Instead of 2 p.m. The kids were home by 6, and I just didn't get everything done (I keep saying that I'm about to turn back to it, but now it's 9:30).

Once the girls finish school, though (a week from today), I can potentially go before class. I won't be getting them out the door, and they'll likely revert to a late to bed/let to wake schedule, as they always do when left to their own devices. Beloved will be here most mornings, and so I can get up and go.

I think I just may do that.

Labels: exercise, morning routines

posted by Zuska @ 9:26 PM 0 comments

Fattism (that's 2 t's, thank you very much)

Housewife posted about her concern that obese people may be on the way to becoming a protected class. I will overlook the fact that she clearly hasn't been steeped in Supreme Court decisions for the past 3 years, and therefore is not aware that the last thing that's about to come about in this great nation is the formation of another "protected class," and skip straight to my opinion(s) on whether or not people who are obese should be hated for it. Or blamed for it. Or told that it's just because they "are too lazy, stupid, etc, to put their fucking fork down" (this remark can be found in the comments to Housewife's post, and was not written by Housewife herself).

This topic is one that I am naturally interested in, as I'm in the midst of a journey between "fat person" (for me), now at "relatively normal person" and hopefully on the way to "thin person."

What does this mean about where I stand on the issue? Do I think that people who are fat deserve every bit of nastiness they get from the likes of this Ahab character (again, in the comments - I'm really not up for linking directly to his blog), because of their laziness -- after all -- look at me. I'm exercising, I'm eating healthy and I'm seeing results. Why can't they?

Or does it make me sympathetic?

Well, I think it's horrible to make an assumption that because one person can be a certain weight, and has a certain reaction to a specific exercise regime must mean that any other person has to do nothing but the same things, and will be the same weight. It's just not true.

I come from a chubby (putting it mildly) family. I have an aunt who is 5'2" and 350 pounds. I have an uncle who is 6'6" and is likely 400+ (gosh, maybe 500, once you figure in how tall he is). I have a brother who is 6'5" and who I just found out had been just over 300 pounds (but is now 240, and that is his ideal/goal weight -- he's rather broad in the shoulders. A bit impressive, physically). Both of my parents are officially "obese." My mother has been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes, as was her mother before her (before she died at 62 of cancer).

I have struggled with my weight since I was in college, at least. I was always a stick as a kid, puberty brought curves (real curves ... not fat ... yet), and the freshman 15 was fought for a few years. There were a few times where I bit the bullet and did the work necessary to get me to where I wanted to be. This time has by far been the hardest.

Right now, and in the past, I am prioritizing weight loss. In January, when I first decided that I was going to pursue this as my latest goal (figuring that if I can go through law school, I can lose some weight), I started with my diet. I cut down to 1100 calories a day, after doing one of those little calculators to find out what my baseline was, and blah blah blah. I was very strict, counting every calorie and watching every single thing I put in my mouth. It was 20 degrees below zero here for most of January and February, and I have found that my cold-weather-running limit is approx 18 degrees ABOVE zero. So I was not running. I was not going to the gym, because I've got this thing called a family .... I like them and they like me and therefore, we like to spend time with each other.

3 months of this, and I lost 4 pounds. FOUR. I had seriously put my fucking fork DOWN.

And while it's true that I wasn't running every day - it must be remembered - we don't have a car! We are not sedentary people. We walk everywhere. I bike to/from school. Anywhere I go requires me to get off my lazy, fat ass and get myself there via my own feet.

When I started school, gym time was factored into how I set my schedule, and I spent at least 2 hours a day in the gym (I think it was more like 2.5-3 when you factored in the shower). Per day. I continued to be more than careful about my intake. Driving Beloved crazy with the parameters I was setting, as they affected his cooking choices.

For the first 6 weeks of this daily exercise, I had lost less than 10 pounds. Including the 4 from Jan-March.

I put my fucking fork down. I got off my lazy ass. And yet, I was hovering at 190 pounds, still a size 16, and feeling very frustrated.

I can understand how working so hard (or even not as hard as I was) and having zero results would make someone think that it just doesn't work - that they can't lose the weight, and that they are destined to just be fat. I mean, geez, how much do you hear that all someone has to do is eat less, eat healthy, and exercise. We even hear that all you have to do is go for a walk. Just do "something." Just "get out there and move" to quote Housewife herself on this earlier post of mine.

Getting out there and moving, alone, for me means very little. It does not make me thin - to say the least. Walking quickly for 30-45 minutes a day and riding my bike for 40 minutes a day does NOTHING. Cutting my calorie intake by approximately 400 calories a day (because I wasn't eating poorly pre-January) did NOTHING.

And sure, the fucking fork guy will likely rant and rave about how I got fat in the first place. Between the paragraph up there with my family history and statistics, coupled with a stress fracture, a sprained foot (that bothers me to this day), single motherhood and then law school ... I've got my reasons.

Every time I have been my ideal weight, I have had to make it one of the HIGHEST priorities in my life. 2-3 hours of my time is required per DAY. Once I get where I want to be, it will take less to maintain, but if I lose the gusto, then I lose the drive, and before I know it - without changing eating habits and without eating like a pig (we don't drink soda, we don't eat chips, we don't do fast food, we don't eat candy (save the occasional deluxe chocolate) we cut out high-fructose corn syrup for New Years in 2005, and haven't brought foods with that ingredient into the house since then, we eat lean meats, we eat organic fruits and veggies).

Does everyone who looks chubby have to defend themselves by listing their diet? Is that the alternative to this "fattism" question?

And then - what about our kids? I have already struggled with the fact that I live with two young girls. They know I am exercising. They have commented on the change in my appearance. When we go out and E wants a snack and I casually say, "I don't want ice cream, let's pick something else" and she says "why NOT?" in a knowing tone - I feel like I'm really screwing her up. I try very hard to keep the conversation centered on "health" rather than "skinny" - but it's hard, and they're not stupid.

Where also is the balance between accepting yourself for who you are? You eat healthy, you exercise a reasonable amount (which is less than 3 hours a day), and yet, people look at you and say "she's the reason I don't want national health care"? I can't accept that. I can't be that person walking around and sneered at (although I don't think I really was 25 pounds ago).

The attention that weight gets sucks. Whether it's hating people for being fat, or if it's telling people that the ideal is 5'10 and 110 pounds through the inundation of the media (like the bathing suit I saw in the Eddie Bauer catalogue the other day that looked nice on the size 6 model, and stunned me when I looked and saw it was only available in sizes 16W-18W -- they must have had one custom-made for the model).

I do not, however, hold any bitterness toward the person who is working from 8-5 and rushing to pick up her kids from day care and who potentially can't afford to shop at Whole Foods, and who does stop at the drive through window at McDonald's because a Happy Meal costs $1.99 (or whatever they cost these days) while cooking a decent meal costs at least $30, and who can't afford to join a gym, and who can't leave her kids alone to go running at 5 a.m. (whether it's because she doesn't have a husband, because her husband won't watch the kids, or because her husband got up at 4 to work the early shift so they can pay the rent this month).

Nor do I hold bitterness toward the person who decided that it was time to try and lose weight, and after one month of walking/running/biking and eating "healthy" had zero results and thought, "Jeez, "they" said that if I did this stuff, I would lose weight, but I'm not losing weight, and so I perhaps something is wrong with me."

I do, however, hold bitterness toward those who rant and rave about bans on trans fats. This culture has embraced shitty foods for so long, and then belittles those who are prone to suffering the negative effects, and if the culture can start to turn things around by saying, "hey! this is shitty food!" that is a good thing.

And, if you haven't figured it out yet, I hold a lot of bitterness toward people who find it appropriate to spew hate, assumptions and names at people just because they aren't the size that was chosen as "acceptable" by the speaker (yeah, that commenter again).

And I respect Housewife for her ability to mull over an issue and backpedal, if that's what reason and good sense requires :)

Labels: body image, exercise, hatefulness, obesity, parenting, weight loss

posted by Zuska @ 7:38 PM 9 comments

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Morning Routine

I had posted before about my concern over losing the gym upon graduation, and the difficulties I have with waking early to run.

Well. I have done it every morning since BarBri started and I feel like I've already got a routine going. Monday, I went despite POURING rain, and today, I was absolutely exhausted, didn't want to go. I turned off my alarm, and said, "I'm not going. I'm taking a day off." Within 45 seconds, the guilt of it propelled me out of bed. Now, 1 hour and 15 minutes later, I'm sitting on the couch with my thighs throbbing pleasantly.

I do need to work to push myself. I think I should be going around the reservoir 3 times, not 2. I also need to push myself to do strength training at home. It needs to happen at night before bed, and I'm so behind on everything in the house with BarBri that it's just not happening.

I'm just not willing to fret too much right now, though, since I am not being a slacker about the running part.

Phew.

Labels: exercise

posted by Zuska @ 7:09 AM 1 comments

Monday, June 04, 2007

Monday's Lookin' Up

I am feeling a little bleary-eyed-tired, since I woke at 5:50 again to running - despite the pouring rain a la Tropical Storm Barry (or his remnants). That was fun. I was the only one on the reservoir, which I love. Running/exercising is my solo-time, and the more solo, the better.

My back feels 10x better. There are tiny little twinges now and again - but it was a-okay during the run, and I slept great.

I don't feel too behind on bar prep stuff anymore. I think I need to go through some of last week's material to fill in my notes/future note-cards with my states' specifics, but it's okay. I'm not too behind.

Woo hoo for 3 days of Evidence [note the sarcasm].

Labels: bar prep, exercise, weather, weekends

posted by Zuska @ 7:54 AM 1 comments

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Woman on the Verge ....

Yeah, I think I may have a nervous breakdown.

J's party went well. Beloved ran the tie-dye station, and he was utterly amazing. He used to teach art in high schools and middle schools, and it really showed. He was so organized, and prepared, and did a fantastic job. I was very impressed.

We ended up staying at our friends' house until after 10, and left J there. We had to make a bargain with her and her BFF that if they would not insist on sitting next to each other and having each other for partners the entire time (remember, it was a joint birthday party - our thinking was that if they were stuck to each other like glue, then it wouldn't be fun for the other kids, who would want to be with the "birthday girl"), then they could have a sleepover.

Honestly, that's not the kind of bargain I usually make with my kids. But I wasn't the only mom in the room or the situation. I usually say, "Either you be a good hostess and participate equally with all of your guests, or you will not only have no party next year, but you will also miss the other birthday parties that are coming up this year." Instead, she got a sleepover with her BFF. And more --- they're off getting manicures this morning! Geez. That's some birthday weekend!

The prep for the party, though, really took it out of me. We left there late last night, and got home with only E, who was upset about a movie she'd seen at a different friend's house that had to do with a father and child reconciling after years of a difficult relationship. She was upset that she doesn't think she can reconcile with her father ... that it's "impossible." That opened up a giant can of worms, and those worms grew to the size of the biggest snakes in the entire universe - not only the universe in reality, but the universe of all imaginations everywhere. Which means a lto of stuff got dredged up, and I ended up in bed at midnight, tossing and turning with angst over the situation.

I just f ind myself on hte verge of tears this morning. I woke up on Friday with a slight tweak in my back, along my left shoulder blade. IT wasn't too bad ... but then when I got in bed Friday night, I found it hurting a lot. It's an odd pain in that it hurts most when I'm lying down. I woke up on Saturday with severe pain, now on both sides of my spine, next to both shoulder blades, and a shitty night's sleep, b/c every time I turned my head or tried to roll over, the pain twinged.

Last night, it was worse, and this a.m., I'm having a hard time doing most normal tasks. Including moving my head or arms.

I also am awake to the realization that I should spend the entire day doing BarBri stuff, that I'm behind, and that it sucks.

I just feel like all the stress of the past 2 weeks is manifesting itself in my shoulders and my tear ducts, and I kind of want to hide under a rock and dissolve.

It probably doesn't help that waking at 7 with the little ones yesterday, and then at 8 to bring E to a make up cello lesson today resulted in no exercise this weekend. Sure, I could go for a run now, instead of studying for the bar exam. While unable to move my arms or my head. But I think I'm better off studying.

I was going to go to the library today to do my work, but J has a project due this week, and I'm supposed to help her with that, and I am not sure I can just disappear.

Groan moan groan cry ow.

Labels: bar prep, birthdays, exercise, family, health, stress, weekends, whining

posted by Zuska @ 11:29 AM 7 comments

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

End of the Break

This 10 days "off" has felt, for the most part, like anything but. I have been so busy and stressed and life has been so full and chaotic.

Today, on my final day before BarBri starts, I slept until 10:30, then slowly got up and dressed for the day, had some coffee, my requisite 2 hard boiled eggs, and hopped on the bike for a ride to the gym. I had a great work out. Except that I have an inexplicable rash on my chest which is exacerbated by sweating, and a great work out = much sweat. So that hurt.

Then I got a phone call from E. Major sidetracking here: E is driving me crazy. She is 10, going on 30, you would think. Today was the third day that she called to ask me permission to leave her after school program and go do something else, b/c she is "bored to death." Last week, she wanted to go to her friend's house. I said, "is her mom home?" No. Then you can't go! We've had this conversation 100,000 times. She may not go to a friend's house if there are no adults home! if adults are home for the most part, and they need to run to the store, or pick up a younger sibling - FINE. But if they're not home at all, and have no intention to be -NO NO NO!!

She and her friend came here, instead, while Beloved and I were prepping for J's bday party. Which was fine with me - I'm comfortable with her friends, and had no problem telling them that they could either go out back to the park, or bring the recycling down to the basement and empty the trash [they chose the work over the park ... dorks].

Today she calls me on my cell phone as I'm waiting for my smoothie to be properly blended and while I'm cursing that 411 doesn't have a listing for BarBri so that I could call and get directions from the T -- "Mom, can I go to S's house?" Uh, is S's mom home? "Uh, no, but pleeeeeeese????" No, E, you may not. go. to. a. friend's. house. if. their. parents. are. not. there!!!

"Well, can we go to our house?"

No, E, I am not home. I am going to Boston to get my damned book.

"Okay. Um. Well, S2 and I have research to do at the library, can we go to the library?"

Damn these kids to hell. Why do I pay $500/mo for her to have the after school program just for her to think of any excuse to blow it off? And why oh why oh why am I having to deal with my kid begging for freedom when she's TEN. Is this appropriate? 10? Really?

So, they've been at the library for an hour, and now it's time for me to go "visit" them. He he he.

I have the "second half" of my BarBri books. Half? This is like, the 2nd 2/3ds. It's a much bigger box than the first half! Not halves, then!!

Also, it's really hot out, and I wasn't appropriately dressed for biking in this heat. 2 layers of shirts and long pants? No. Not smart.

Time to go harass the kids.

I am going to seriously have a talk with E tonight, b/c this has to stop - I'm not going to fail the bar exam b/c I'm so busy fielding phone calls about how "bored to death" she is, and she can't have friends over every day ... or I'll fail the bar exam. I can probably let her have a day a week that she comes home with a friend, and perhaps I'll give her some $$ so they can stop on the way home and pick up a [cold] snack, and therefore leave me alone while I'm in my room studying.

grrrr to older kids. grrrr.

Labels: *E*, bar prep, exercise, parenting

posted by Zuska @ 3:44 PM 0 comments

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Laziness

I just returned from a run around the reservoir. I took a longer path through the back roads TO the reservoir, including a gigantic stair path. I went around twice, instead of the usual 3 times, but was out there moving for over an hour. I felt like I wasn't working hard enough. This is what bothers me about outside exercise v. gym exercise. I can't track what I'm doing.

I know that when I'm on the elliptical in the gym, and it says that I burned 450 calories in 30 minutes, it's probably not telling me the truth. However, if the same machine tells me the next day that I instead burned 480 calories in 30 minutes (and since it used to tell me that I was burning 300 calories in 30 minutes) - I know I succeeded in pushing myself a little further. I miss that feedback when I'm outside. I miss knowing how fast my feet are moving and down to the 10th of the mile how far I've gone.

But now that BarBri is starting, it's just not feasible to go to the gym anymore. It was easy for me to go before my noon class on M/W, after my 8 a.m. class on T/Th, and whenever I felt (or didn't feel) like it on Fridays. Now that I have to be somewhere that's NOT on my campus (where the gym is) every day by 9:30 - I don't see how I can do it anymore.

If I didn't have 2 kids to usher off to school, it would be a piece of cake. I could easily ride my bike to the gym, work out, shower, and then hop to the T to the class, take the T back to my bike, and go home.

But the girls walk out the door at 7:45, and I'm not yet ready to abandon that routine entirely to Beloved. Mostly because I know I am abandoning it next year when I'm at Future Firm. I plan to leave here well before the girls wake up. So, I'd like this last 3 weeks of mornings.

This means that I am going to have to run around the reservoir at an ungodly time of day.

UNLESS - I went to the gym after BarBri. But I think that will screw with my studying. The gym kinda takes a while. It will take at least 30 minutes to get there, an hour-plus to work out, 30 more minutes to shower - and boom. Time to go get the girls. (Or close enough to it that I'll find myself not doing any work.) I also could buy a membership at a gym in the neighborhood, but it just seems so wasteful. The school gym is open to me until late June, and then I can buy a summer membership for pennies.

I need to find a way to push myself harder around the lake during BarBri. Despite its lack of digital read outs.

Any good equipment recommendations are welcome - my mother had bought me a pedometer for my birthday, and it was clearly designed for old farts. The only way it would work is it was attached to a BELT. Like, a leather belt that goes around golf pants which a polo shirt is tucked into and with which loafers are worn. I don't wear belts when I work out. Call me crazy. I tried to just carry it one day, and when it hit .63 miles, it died. It just stuck. Stopped reading mileage, and was just ... broke.

I think the Nike/iPod pack looks very interesting, but I don't have a Nano, and I don't really want one (I have a shuffle for the gym, and a regular iPod for normal stuff), and the package is pretty pricey once you factor in the shoes (which would likely be uncomfortable on my very picky feet) and the Nano. (E has a nano, I could adopt it .... )

Another bad thing -- at the gym, I do strength training. I keep saying I'm going to do it at home with the various weights and floors around the house - but I never end up doing that, either.

I have lost over 20 pounds since March, safely, slowly, and healthily. I'd like to lose another 20 pounds. I can't really stop exercising if I expect that to happen. I'm sad that the convenience of the past 2 months is going away.

Labels: bar prep, exercise

posted by Zuska @ 10:41 AM 6 comments

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Last In Class Exam --- Evah!!!

I finished IP. I have to say, I came out of it feeling less confident than I did coming out of Securities. Perhaps it's because I didn't just learn IP in 2 days - I've been reading and paying attention and caring and understanding all along. So being able to write about it didn't feel like a big deal. But I don't think so. I think I missed stuff. I know I didn't bomb it, but this is a professor I respect, and I don't want her to read it and think, "zuska's dumb." But since I had her for Property first year, and she didn't find me dumb, it's more likely she'll say "zuska's a lazy 3L."

Who knows - maybe I only feel less confident because it was closed book, and I couldn't go through a written checklist and KNOW that I talked about all applicable issues. I'm not really willing to go back through my notecards, either, to find out what/if I missed. I'll just stay in blissful ignorance until my evals come out (in 100 years or so).

This morning, I was a freaking MACHINE. In honor of exams, I guess. I woke up at 6 [30 minutes earlier than usual] and threw on clothes, put my hair up, and got on the [pre-packed - which is soooo not-Zuska] and rode to school. I went straight to the gym, carried my index cards and outline up the stairs with me and sweat like a PIG for 45 minutes while memorizing PFCs.

I ellipticalled .2 of a mile less than yesterday in the same amount of time - when I was not memorizing elements of a cause of action for Trademark infringment suits. But I think it's a worthwhile trade off. 2-tenths of a mile = no days skipped in the exercise regime AND memorized elements of causes of action.

And in other blissful ignorance news - the scale in the gym is broked. So I don't know if I've lost or gained or what in the past week.

I'll tell you one thing - on Friday - when I'm DONE with law school - I don't give a shit about the scale.

I'm eating ice cream.

Now I'm off for a quick walk to get a notebook and a bottle of yummy orange sparkling water before I come back to the library and settle in to electronically retrieve my 24 hour take home.

I sort of wish I had time for a nap.

Oh well.

Labels: exams, exercise, ice cream, law school

posted by Zuska @ 12:47 PM 1 comments

Saturday, May 12, 2007

The Unfairness of Me

Yeah, a study break.

My Beloved is really an amazing man. He is very thoughtful - he thinks about things that most men do not think about. He is very considerate, in that he considers me, my personality, my strengths and my weaknesses in most decisions that he makes. Some of my faults frustrate the shit out of him, and he wants to change them -- i.e., my propensity to fling my keys into a pile of crap, then add more crap to the pile, then push the pile to the ground, and then have a frantic hour of searching for keys the next morning on hte way out the door ... often to find that I removed them from the pile of crap and placed them in my bag, where they belonged in the first place. He wants me to just put my keys in the same place every time I walk in the door, and then I will never have to look for them, and always know where they are. I think that's sort of alienesque behavior ... and I am not that interested in it. Although, in all honesty, I haven't lost my keys in a long time, and I do typically put them on the little stand-thing by the door now. But many of my other faults, he suffers through, and works around. Like my ability to do "other things" in the morning until it's too late to pack a lunch ... he packs my lunch for me now, and will even go so far as to put it in my bag so I don't forget.

He is really great.

When I started law school, I was not at my ideal weight. Mostly due to a couple of injuries and a decrease in free-time because of single motherhood and my entry into a full-time workforce. But over the 3 years that I was in that situation, I didn't gain too-too much weight. Maybe 15 - 20 pounds (yeah, to some, that's too-too much weight. I don't come from one of those families. I have an aunt who has .... uh, 215 pounds to lose. And I'm really not kidding. She's 5'2" and weighs 35o pounds.)

Beloved said not a WORD. He did not show any lack of attraction to me, he did not make any disparaging comments [like X would have], and there was no reduction in affection, compliments - nothing.

Then came law school.

I was stressed. I had no time to exercise. I found refuge in ice cream. So I put on more weight. (damn me.)

Still ... Beloved said nothing. Same thing with the whole consistency of our relationship and his kindness and lovingness.

Now I'm losing this stupid weight. It's coming off relatively steadily right now, and my smaller clothes that were put away are back out, and loose.

I get frustrated, because Beloved says almost nothing. I suppose I've whined and wheedled enough that he does now say SOME - but he isn't all "OH MY GOD YOU'VE LOST SO MUCH WEIGHT YOU LOOK SO HOT LETS HAVE SEX 24 HOURS A DAY!!" And I have pouted a couple times over this.

But I recognize that it is unfair. The fact that he is so damned accepting is something that I treasure and love and recognize as a gift that the universe has given me out of kindness.

If he were to go on and on and on about the shrinking-ness of me, then doesn't it take away from the acceptance of the NOT shrinking me who was here a few months ago? I think it would. And if my battle with my family history is something that continues to require my full focus and I one day have to give that focus to something else - or if I were to get injured again, and can't continue with the exercise ... don't I want to feel like the consistent love and acceptance of Beloved still exists? I don't want to look back and say, "oh, but he was so happy when I lost that weight, and now I'm gaining it back, and perhaps I have to once again feel like I don't live up to my husband's expectations [other husband] and that our relationship is bound up in our physical appearances and that my life sucks."

No. I don't want that.

I am grateful and happy that my desire to rediscover my healthy zone was not necessary to my husband/love's respect and appreciation of me.

Labels: beloved, diet, exercise, whining

posted by Zuska @ 4:16 PM 0 comments

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Plugging along ...

all last week, I noticed that many of the law school blogs were mostly a list of what exam prep had taken place that day. I was feeling a little pleased that it wasn't me yet, since my school is on the quarter system, and are exams happen sorta late.

Now it's my turn.

Today I worked on International Law and Securities. Both went better than I expected. I consulted with two classmates on the International take home, and I felt like I have a good grasp of the material. Then I went and holed up in the library to tackle Securities.

I've been really worried about Securities. My professor started off the quarter on a super-sour note, and I had a hard time getting over the bitterness. Really, I never did get over it. I might have, if he was a decent teacher. But he isn't. He sucks at teaching. He should NOT quit his day job. Fortunately for him, and unfortunately for all of us, he DOES have a day job, and that's why we were left waiting for 1/2 hour, and it's why we had to tolerate him answering his cell phone and blackberry during class on several occasions.

Or, perhaps, the reason why was because he's an inconsiderate person who has respect for no one but himself, and found us to be itty bitty babies hanging on his every word (never mind that the average age in the classroom was likely 30+, and I somehow don't think he has yet reached 40).

Anyway -- because of this attitude of mine and lack of teaching ability of his - I have learned nothing this quarter. Nothing. I know that there's a few laws pertaining to securities. The end.

So today I set to the task of learning about securities. I think I'm getting there. I'm about 1/2 way through the course, and I feel pretty good. I will not fail; I am certain of that.

I will have a very insane 8 days coming up here. I would like to move into the law library. I can bring a sleeping bag or something. I have probably 24 hours/day of work to do. I have 2 take homes, but I can't start on them until Wednesday - and one of them has a 24 hour limit, so I won't start the second one until Thursday. Which leaves me less than 24 hours to do that one. I will look for corners of time over the weekend, when I need a break from the others. But I still don't think I'll turn to it until Thursday.

And I'm not willing to give up the gym next week. I already made my plan to leave the house at 6 or 6:30 on Weds a.m. and head to the gym with either notecards or my outline, and do my last minute cramming on the elliptical. I can't write take home exams at the gym, but who cares. I'm sure that the 2 hours it takes won't fail me.

Labels: exams, exercise, law school

posted by Zuska @ 5:50 PM 0 comments

Friday, April 20, 2007

And then I brushed my teeeeth

Beloved and I head back to my parents' house today. We are getting the kidlets back tomorrow, and driving back here after we have dinner with my parents and my brother and his wife-who-is-about-to-pop, and who I'm liking a lot more lately. I think she is a little shy (or self-protective? or unsure of herself? or, perhaps, from what others say of me, she has been intimidated by me? some say I do that to people. It's not on purpose. I promise.) and that may be why it's been hard to get close.

But I reached out this past weekend, and I brought her some baby-presents, which included this kick ass diaper bag (yes, that is a diaper bag, despite its awesomeness), some baby books, a book for my brother, and some Allagash Tripel for my brother, which I introduced him to on Christmas Eve, and which he cannot get south of Massachusetts. And we had a nice talk, and she used the word "fuck." It makes me trust people more if they're willing to say "fuck" to me. Trust that the barriers are down, and they're being real. Which is funny, because there was a time in my life where I thought that saying fuck meant that the person speaking was a sinner and would go to hell unless they accepted Jesus Christ as their lord and savior. Now I think it means someone is a real person. [pause over that.] Yep, seems accurate.

Anyway. I decided to "go slow" this a.m. I've been getting up at 7 or earlier every day this week, despite the girls' absence, and going to the gym, and doing my usual stuff. Today, however, I got up at 8:30, and then decided to "blog for a minute" which somehow turned into 2 hours (so far). I have my IP book sitting next to me here, and I mean to crack it open to do the reading for my 3:30 make up class. I am going to do that as soon as publish this rambling post. Then I will assess the time, and either a) get in the shower; or b) get on the bike (dirty) and go to the gym before class. I've been exercising 6 days a week, and if today's my day off, that's okay with me. It is also beautiful out, though, so I could consider running around the lake. Again, depending on the time. I also need to pack. That sort of tips the scales toward today being a day off.

Last Saturday a.m., I was at my parents' house, and I went for a jog in the country. In the year 2000, my ex and I lived separately - not because of marital strife - but b/c his academic career brought him to another country for 6+ months. The fact that this sort of thing is acceptable to him is probably 30% of the reason for our eventual divorce. The realizations that the time apart granted me is probably another 30%.

Anyway. While he was gone, I made it my mission to lose my baby weight. I couldn't afford a gym, b/c I had no husband and I was working part-time so I could be with my babies as much as possible (my mom also worked part-time, and together, we provided for their full-time care), so I ran around in the country. I lost a lot of weight, felt great, and enjoyed my time in the out of doors in hte early mornings before the birds woke up.

That is the route I took last Saturday a.m. It was FUN to revisit. And it's so different from running here in an urban setting. While I was running, I passed this bush. Out of a bush came a ..... creature. I honestly don't know what it was, but it ran out, practically ran OVER my shoe, all in a flurry, and then ran in a circle back to the bush. It was quick and furtive like a squirrell, but I thought I heard the flapping of wings, like a bird. A bird, however, would never have come that close to me. I think it was a bat. Which is scary, b/c if it bit me, I'd probably have rabies. But it didn't really touch me.

However, I YELLED. I was so scared! My heart was racing (and if it was racing beyond the speed it was already at due to running, I'm lucky I didn't just die of a heart attack!).

That would have never happened here.

I'm willing to see tomorrow a.m. if it will happen again.

______________________________

Last night, E called me at 10:15 p.m. She was missing me a lot, but sounded like she was having a really good time - her voice was up and happy, and I could tell she's okay. Some way into the conversation, however, she told me that J was crying, and her father was talking to her to try and figure out what was wrong. E said she thinks that J was missing me, and she was mad at her dad b/c they again watched CSI, scaring J out of her wits. That made E miss Beloved and I.

It was hard to put all of this together because she was using the ex's cell phone, and it doesn't work in his house. He has a land line, but they can't place outgoing calls from it (he's subletting), they can only receive. So I said I'd call the landline. She said I can't, b/c the ex was waiting for "an important business call." It was now 10:30. p.m. Hello? I said, "um, it's 10:30." She said, "yeah, I know, seems dumb." I dropped it. E then talked to Beloved, and then J talked to beloved, and then J wanted to talk to me. She couldn't understand me - I couldn't understand her - but I could tell that her voice was thin, and she was upset. She was being all "strong" and saying, "well, I can't understand you, so I guess I'll call you tomorrow." But she was fighting crying, I could tell.

I was so angry. I get angry at my ex kind of rarely. I'm just not emotionally invested in him. But he knew that the kids and I were struggling to hear one another, and he just didn't care. He kept insisting he was waiting for an "important business call" at 11 at night (by the time we hung up). I think he's an asshole.

(and i'm calling the kids now, so there).

Labels: ex-relations, exercise, kids, law school

posted by Zuska @ 11:01 AM 4 comments

Monday, April 16, 2007

Oh. The Laziness!!

I can't even believe I'm about to state this publicly. I got out of bed at 11:45 today. 11:45 a.m.

What the hell? I haven't done that since college.

The kids are gone, which often sinks me into a funk for a couple of days.

I also slept until 11 yesterday, but that's because I had to finish sleeping off the alcohol from the night before, or I'd have had a wretched day.

Can I also use the excuse that I rarely get more than 5 hours of sleep a night, so I needed to catch up?

Beloved and I went to sleep last night around 2 a.m. So I slept 9.5 hours. If I had gone to bed at 10, and got up at 7:30 - I wouldn't feel bad. Right? But we are night owls. We saw a movie (Volver, which I loved) until 12:15 or so, then talked, then [we interrupt this program to avoid sharing too much].

It helps that today's a holiday - Patriot's Day in good old New England. Also known as Marathon Monday. We woke just in time to watch the winners cross the finish line, and hear the Russian and Ethiopian national anthems. I am sipping a cup of coffee, and will then head out to the gym.

Because I am very motivated of late because it seems like finally my work is paying off, and I'm feeling less fat.

After the gym comes school work. I was considering staying at school to type up my bar application, but I'm really not certain school is open, so I don't want to bring my stuff over, and I have a lot of free time tomorrow, so I think I'll do it then instead.

Having a Monday off is very nice for my week. I only have one class to read for tomorrow, and it's over at 9:30 a.m. I then have the entire day (and a non-weekend day, too) to get stuff done for Wednesday. I will try and get 2 classes' of reading done today, and make tomorrow even freer.

I also have to cook tomorrow night ... but there's no kids. So we can eat whenever the hell we want, and picking the kids up isn't one of the pieces of tomorrow's puzzle. That part of them being gone is nice. But it doesn't balance out the bad.

Labels: exercise, law school, weekends

posted by Zuska @ 12:14 PM 1 comments

Friday, April 06, 2007

Regular, Purposed Exercise?

5th grade seems to be the first year that the elementary schools do a full-scale health analysis during gym of all the kids.

When I had E's parent-teacher conference the other day, E was most excited to find out what her "FitnessGram" said, because a friend of hers (a boy) was told that he was underweight, and needed to gain weight to be healthy. E wondered if the same would be the case for her, b/c she's pretty damned skinny. As it turns out, her FitnessGram was missing, and wasn't sent home until yesterday.

She is not underweight. She's in the healthy zone for everything. Of course.

This is the thing: it came with all these recommendations for minimum requirements of exercise and activity for the kids --- 5th graders. Okay - if it said, "play outdoors or actively in a gym for an hour a day" I wouldn't be perplexed. At all.

But it had requirements for strength training, and flexibility, and core exercises (like sit ups).

Huh?

She's 10. Am I supposed to set up some in home calisthetics and yoga classes now?

I know that she's active at recess and during her after school class - she plays soccer in the fall, [nothing in the winter], softball in the spring, and roller skates and swims like mad in the summer.

Is this not enough? Normal, every day kid activities?

I feel like pushing a 10 year old to exercise in a deliberate manner is almost the same as telling them to go on a diet to be "skinny" (which she is).

At the same time, I was never taught to put deliberate movement into my daily routine, and I think I've suffered for it.

It seems unusual to me, that a 10 year old should be having an exercise routine.

Any thoughts?

Labels: exercise, health, kids

posted by Zuska @ 10:14 AM 2 comments

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Zuska the Insane

Tomorrow is Good Friday. The girls' school decided that due to "low attendance" - they would close the doors. I find the cry of "low attendance" rather silly -- I know zero Christians at the girls' school. There are scores and scores of Jewish folks, and a few Unitarians, and then a bunch of "non-religious" sorts. I seriously think that they give Good Friday off just to make things appear even-Steven after Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah in October. But who are they doing it for? I am not sure. I mean, seriously - the churches in this town have been converted to CONDOS!! That's how NON Christian/Catholic/Episcopal we are around here.

J's "best friend" was looking for a place to spend the day, as her parents have plans. I reluctantly gave up my gym plans -- wherein Beloved and I agreed that the munchkins would hang out with him at work for an hour or so while I go and sweat some more. My friend had something to do that started earlier than would allow what Beloved and I had discussed, though, and she has helped me out in the past (like, when I had my oral argument for Appellate Advocacy last year - sort of important), and I was willing to do the same for her.

As it turns out, Beloved is having tooth issues, and ended up needing to be seen by a dentist on an emergency basis tomorrow morning - so our plans wouldn't have worked out anyway.

Well, I thought E should have something to do, too, so that she didn't spend the day whining at me that she was bored, and it wasn't fair that J got to have a friend over while E had nothing to do.

So she's having a friend over, too.

Have I mentioned that my apartment is small?

I think I will just hide in my bedroom - then some girls can have their bedroom, while others take over the living room.

And there's always the park.

Thank god for sunshine.

I still feel like I need to be wished much luck with tomorrow. Many girls - one adult. Yikes.

Labels: beloved, exercise, friends, kids, weekends

posted by Zuska @ 10:41 PM 0 comments

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Redemption

On Friday, I came up with a new weekend schedule. It involved sleep and exercise, because the old patterns weren't working. This was the old pattern:

Stay up late on Friday night with Beloved; sleep as late as possible on Saturdays (typically 9 or 9:30, when the "can ___ come over for a playdate?" phone calls start rolling in); stay up late on Saturdays with Beloved; sleep RIDICULOUSLY late on Sundays (i.e., 10 or 10:30); stay up late on Sundays, despite my presence in bed, tossing and turning and wishing I were asleep, with the knowledge that I have to be up early on Monday; wake up early on Monday, and spend the day miserably tired.

Note that there is no exercise in there --- not just because the above paragraph tends to talk more about sleep patterns, but because I typically start off a weekend with good intentions, but find my time full without fitting it in. My weekends are full of good and important things, so I generally don't beat myself up about it too much. Things like time with kids; housework; time with kids; school work (ha!); cello lessons; time with kids; transporting kids; time with Beloved; plays; time with kids; etc.

Friday, though, I thought I would try something that would hopefully get exercise into the weekend AND adjust the sleep patterns.

I thought - stay up late on Friday night with Beloved; sleep late on Saturday a.m.; do not even TRY to exercise on Saturday - it's a day off. Enjoy doing other things without guilt.

Stay up late on Saturday with Beloved (or in this weekend's case - out with friends); but GET UP EARLY on Sunday - I was thinking not too early - perhaps 7:30 or 8. Still later than during the week, but early enough that I could ride the bike to the gym, work out, ride the bike home, and still be back in time to start the day with the kids (they sleep later, and often wake up and just read for an hour or so on the weekends).

That way, I'd be tired on Sunday instead of Monday, and be able to get into bed early on Sunday without difficulty.

Unfortunately ----

Even though I felt invigorating by my pants and skirts last night ---

I got up at 9:45.

And since E and I had to leave for cello lessons at 11:30 -- There was no time to go to the gym.

While E was getting ready for cello, a friend of hers called and asked her to go with her and her family to the movies. (This time to Meet the Robinsons -- Yesterday I took her to see The Last Mimzy.) She is the one who complains if I leave to work out on the weekends, and why I try to fit it in during the wee hours (by our family's standards). So I asked Beloved if he would mind if I took an hour out of the afternoon. He said no. J said no. They made plans to do other fun things together.

So I took E to her cello lesson, read IP in a Dunkin Donuts while she was musically edified, took her to her friend's house, walked home, took a few quizzes, and then went for a run.

It was interesting today, because I decided, in the interest of time, to do my old running route here at home, rather than go to the gym. We have intense stair paths, hilly roads, and a reservoir with a well-manicured path around it. The combination, I think, makes for a good, diverse work out.

I used to jog the stair paths, quickly walk the hilly sidewalks (mostly b/c I'm old and running on the root-ravaged sidewalks is sort of dangerous on a foot that has been twice injured), and then did one lap around the reservoir switching b/t walking and jogging.

TODAY, however, I changed it a wee bit. I ran around the reservoir - with no walking - TWICE. I really felt the difference in my abilities from my time in the gym this past month, and it felt great. The weather was wonderful (50 and sunny), and lots of people were out enjoying the day and some exercise. I was tempted to go around a third time, but was afraid E would call needing to be picked up, and the phone would ring into emptiness.

I am considering alternating b/t outdoors and the gym more often. I felt a different pull on my muscles being outside and doing real running, and it's likely good for me to keep it mixed up a bit.

Beautiful day!

Now I'm gonna go fuck it up with stupid laundry. And kitchen cleaning. Damn.

Labels: exercise, family, kids, weekends

posted by Zuska @ 3:20 PM 0 comments

About Me

Name: zuska
Home:
About Me:
See my complete profile