How surreal.

When the girls left, I was struggling to get work done in between spending time with them. I sent them off to the town pool on their own for Open Swim many days just so I could get more study time in.

Now, they're home, and I've got nothin'. Not a thing. (Which meant today that I could swim, too!)

Last year, and the year before, and the year before, I started school on or about August 28th. They don't start until on or about September 7th or 8th. Beloved and my parents cobbled together the gap in there, because for at least 2 of the 3 years of law school, the start of my year was very intense. First year was ... well, first year. With orientation and freaking out. Second year, I taught a class, which required my participation in orientation, and about 176x the time commitment that 1st year had required. Last year was finally more mellow, and so we didn't ship the kids off to my parents' for a week, and instead Beloved stayed home with them.

This year? It's me! I get to hang out and spend copious amounts of time with them.

This week, we have very little planned. Tomorrow is a bunch of small things. Tuesday, my parents are coming up for the day, and leaving us their car as they fly to Western Canada for 10+ days. We may go to the beach on Weds (I haven't decided yet). The only other thing we've got is dinner plans with friends on Friday night, to watch High School Musical 2.

On Sunday, we are going camping in Vermont for 3 nights. This, I must admit, feels daunting right now. As I feel like I've said 10,000 times lately, we're a little low on cash, and a trip feels ... wrong. But it shouldn't be. We have all the gear we need. All we need is food, and we buy that whether we're home or camping. We don't even have to pay for a zipcar, thanks to my parents' car at our disposal. We paid for the site months ago. I need to just let go, and do this fun thing with the kids.

Last year, we went to a friend's summer home for a few days, and it was a nice way to break up the last few weeks of the summer. I think camping will be a good thing. The campground is on a river, and there is a good bit of hiking in the area. We also will be a short drive away from an alpine slide which we've been talking about for a year or so. There's a dam up the road with a beach, and generally plenty to do. Despite my financial trepidation, I will make this happen, and we will have a good time.

For the last week in August, the girls are doing yet another acting thing. It's through the same organization they participate in all year long, but it's a little different. E did it last year and loved it, and now J is old enough, too. So for the whole week (and a little bit of the next), I'll be able to drop them off at either 8:30 or 9 a.m., and not pick them up again until noon or so.

I have NOTHING TO DO while they are there! Nothing!

Unbelievable.

I will go to the gym. I will sit in a cafe, perhaps with a book. Perhaps I will bring a notebook, and write. (!!!)

Then!!

They start school!!! I have two full weeks (plus a couple other days) where they're in school from 8 a.m. until 2 (plus after-school care) and I have (again) NOTHING TO DO!!

Except stress about the New Job.

Yikes.

Labels: kids, law school, new job, summer

posted by Zuska @ 9:36 PM 0 comments

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Waiting on a Second Wind

I did a bunch of Con Law questions this a.m. Then I went through the answers. Then I went through the MA distinctions for essay-purposes. In between, I did 6 loads of laundry (no, I think it was 8), and all of that was AFTER I went to the gym.

now I'm eating tuna salad, and wondering from where, exactly, I'm supposed to muster the energy to do another 4 hours of work today?

I also feel so LOST on the essays. I just don't know how to study for them. I can do multiple choice. I'm one of those people who test well with that kind of test. But the essays are so overwhelming.

I heard recently (I think on a PMBR lecture from the disks I love) that a lot of states don't focus on their state law for the essays. The dude even said, "in Connecticut, and Massachusetts, the essays are on national law." Liar. They are not! I wish they were. I'd go take a nap or something.

Yesterday, I went through the Federal Jurisdiction (i.e., Civ Pro) notes, and made up note cards, and then wrote a couple of essays on that topic. I felt okay about that. But it took like - FOREVER - and I don't have FOREVER times 13. Or 19, if you count MBE topics that we have to know the stupid "distinctions" for.

I just got another of my evaluations from the Spring. At least my days are peppered with these confidence boosters "Oh, I do have a brain, I do!"

______________________________________________

I am bringing my stupid MacBook into the Genius Bar tonight. I am really not happy about this. It's got all my notes on it (easy to e-mail to myself), and it's got the BarBri Study Smart software on it, which I'm really enjoying. I went off the Paced Program, and started doing the advanced questions as mixed subject Qs on the computer, and I really like how it tracks my progress and shows me which sub-topics I need to focus on.

But it won't stay asleep AND the area where I rest my hands is discolored and cracking AND the screen flickers ominously when it dims itself just prior to NOT going to sleep. All of these things conspired to make me believe that I did, in fact, need their protection plan, and I bought that a couple of weeks ago. Stupid MacBook.

It's likely ok that I have to live without my Study Smart. It just gives me more time for essays, and then the computer will come home on Saturday or Sunday, and all will be well.

______________________________________________

I think I found my "Fuck You" subject. It's comparative/contributory negligence. I hate hate hate hate those questions. I know if I sat down with the "large outline" I could work my way through the nuances. But I don't want to. I hate hate hate hate it. I don't want to do the fucking math, and I don't want to make a goddamned CHART in a multiple choice question. I think I'll figure out how we do it here in MA, and tell the MBE to go to hell on that score. I mean, how many questions really can there be with the stupid percentages and other such nonsense?

I went out last night. Out to dinner with Beloved and another couple. We had good food, spent a good bit of $$, and I had 2 drinks. We laughed and chatted, and were home by 10:30. I got home and did more Qs.

Nice life I have here, eh?

I'm going out tonight, too. I don't think I'll only have 2 drinks, though, and I sort of don't think I'll be home by 10:30.

But I can't be out TOO late, b/c at 9 a.m., I'm going out for coffee with a friend.

Bar exam? What bar exam?

Did I mention I want to go see Harry Potter tomorrow? The morning coffee date likely precludes that, though. I don't mind taking a break a day ... 2 breaks, though, is likely beyond "maintaining balance" and heading toward "blowing off the bar exam."

Okay - I'm going to force myself into the essays.

Frizzum frazzum.

Labels: bar exam, bar prep, laundry, law school, movies

posted by Zuska @ 2:27 PM 6 comments

Monday, July 09, 2007

Huh? What? I was a student? Just this past spring?

It wasn't really out of the blue - I'd mostly forgotten, but for the fact that my mother keeps harassing me: Have you gotten your grades yet? Have you gotten your grades yet?

My school doesn't send out grades (well, really, ever, but that's another topic) before the 2 month mark after exams ended. EVER. Not only that, but I sort of don't care. I did perhaps, a month ago, but today? I don't care. Securities; Security & Liberty; Intellectual Property; and .... uh .... International Law? Were those the classes I took?

Today, 1/2 my evaluations were e-mailed to me. My two adjunct professors managed to get their grades (i mean, evaluations) submitted on time, while my 2 faculty members were not!

Securities Regulation - remember that class? I can't believe I pulled it off, but I got the highest "eval" possible.

Balancing Security & Liberty? The class I loved? Not so much. I got the equivalent of a B.

But see, Future Firm told me to take Securities. They didn't tell me to take Balancing Security & Liberty, and something tells me that when they see it on my transcript, they'll roll their eyes. I'm not too sure they give a shit about how I "baffled" my judge/professor by not mentioning the Convention Against Torture (the benefits of evals ... I get to know just how much I perplexed my professors), but they may be pleased to know that I possess a "mastery" of the law pertaining to securities. So, whatever.

I haven't heard from the other 2 yet. I am guessing I did better in the in-class exam than the take-home.

I'm trying to tell myself that my ability to pull shit out of my butt during in-class exams means I'm going to pass the bar exam.

Right?

Labels: law school

posted by Zuska @ 7:10 PM 2 comments

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Cut Off

I can no longer access the law school's internal bulletin board. It's strange. There's nothing there that I'm all that interested in, really, but it was one of my daily (i mean, hourly) checks from my bookmarks, and it's weird that I can't do it anymore.

I guess I need to truly move on.

Labels: graduation, law school

posted by Zuska @ 7:52 AM 0 comments

Thursday, May 17, 2007

I finished.

As in .... I finished law school.

I wonder when I will ever carry my computer around again? I think maybe never.

Huh.

Labels: endings, law school

posted by Zuska @ 3:34 PM 6 comments

Laura over at WonL just wrote a goodbye letter. It makes me feel quite sad. I will hold out hope that she will start up elsewhere, and that she'll let me follow her - the sadness isn't just about her. It's because, well, I know a lot of the blogs I've been reading are going to do the same. I am going to do the same. I just don't know how yet. I am CERTAIN that I will be here through the bar exam. But then what? Do I leave my archives up? Do I change my name? Do I let everyone who reads this follow me to that?

I think I have to be more selective than that. Which sucks. Because I like my daily hits. I'll have to start building a whole new readership.

What kind of readership? Mommy readership? I'm not sure I'm Mommy-ish enough for that. I read this thing on Alpha moms v. Slacker Moms ... I know for a FACT that I am a slacker mom (defined as those who forget to hand in field trip permission slips and occasionally forget when it's there turn to bring the damned orange slices). I don't think slacker-moms get to have Mommy blogs. [Ooh! Maybe that's my calling! Starting the new wave of slacker-mom blogs. I bet we all work.]

And - it's super sad because it means law school is ending. IT was fun to come across a blogging world of people in law school. I mean, it is a pretty damned unique experience, and having those who understand to rant toward probably helped Beloved to survive the experience.

I like law school.

Which may explain why I'm taking 7 hours to finish this last take home, when it should have taken 3. I just don't want it to end.

I decided today that it's likely that I will cry at graduation. And then I started to think about how dumb that will look. This old woman, old enough to be everyone's mother (okay, okay, so that's not true --- but maybe too old to be an older sister? No. Not really. I could be the older sister) sobbing like a baby.

I am happy, too, of course.

But right now, I'm more sad. Perhaps if I go and focus on the international law regime's effectiveness or ineffectiveness in protecting the environment I'll feel less sad.

Or more sad.

Damn. I need to shut up so I can write a real goodbye letter later, and not have it be all repetitive and boring.

And so I can write my fucking take home exam!!! (900 words to go!!)

Labels: emotions, exams, law school, starting over

posted by Zuska @ 2:07 PM 3 comments

More on the Disgustingness of Others

It's really unfortunate that I've been finding that this quarter, I work best in the law school library. Reason being that people in law school are really gross. I mean, a couple weeks ago, there was the gum chewer. Now there's this dude who has a cold, and is constantly coughing crap up, and moaning and groaning while breathing (mouth breathing, nonetheless), and just being generally disgusting. Really really disgusting. He wasn't here when I got here. Or else I would have sat elsewhere. Now I have papers and books strewn about my cubicle, and I don't want to get up and move just because he has a bug. Geez.

I used to study in my town's library. It's bigger, and things are a little less cozy. Also, I think people get less confused, thinking that they're actually in their living room - or perhaps even their bathroom - like they tend to do here in the law school library.

I am now at 1,000 words. I need 1500 more.

Labels: exams, law school

posted by Zuska @ 12:35 PM 4 comments

Now it's 11:30 a.m., and I just hit the library. No one stole or mangled my bike overnight, which is a relief. Even though I have no clue when I'll be using that puppy again, now that I will be pulled into downtown - to which I'm afraid to ride - for the foreseeable future (BarBri then Future Firm).

When I left Future Firm last summer, they gave the summer associates a jacket. This seems to be common practice with the big firms. I've seen others -- fleece jackets that people don't want to wear because it has a firm logo emblazoned on the chest or the back or whatever. But when I saw the high quality windbreaker/rain coat which was given to me, I was pretty impressed. Further impressed by the fact that firm logo was on the back of the HOOD in such a way that if the hood is down, you can't see the firm logo. Which means I can wear my jacket at school without people thinking I'm a braggart or a dork or something worse.

Just today I discovered that not only is the firm logo on the back of the hood - but I can roll up the hood, and stick it into a pocket in the collar. The logo is 100% invisible!

Glad to know I'll be joining a classy place.

p.s. I am glad Melinda was voted off, despite the fact that she totally ROCKED her second song on Tuesday night, and gave me chills. If she was voted off. If the producers didn't decide that she was getting boring because she was such a given and just told Ryan to SAY she was voted off.

p.p.s. Can you tell I feel D-O-N-E? By the chit chat and the mere fact that I'm posting in and of itself? I can't feel done. I have another exam to write. It has to be 2500 words, and it has to be good, and I only have 646 mediocre words thus far. Please, send positive worky vibes my way? I'd love to hand it in before I leave school today ....

Labels: American Idol, exams, law school

posted by Zuska @ 11:30 AM 0 comments

Now, 3/4ths Done

And it's a good thing, because the week is 4/5ths over [noon tomorrow is the cut-off].

I just uploaded one of my 2 take home exams. It is 8:46 a.m. I must go to school, and I think work out, and then hole up in the library to complete the FINAL take home exam. I would really love to hand it in before I leave school today to pick up the girls. Imagine? Friday OFF? Done a day early? That would be divine.

Perhaps, though, reckless. I'm working on pretty low energy and brain power at this point. Sleeping on this take home tonight and then leaving tomorrow a.m. for any final polishing may be wise.

I was actually starting to have panic attacks in bed last night. We went to bed at 11:30, and I was exhausted. As soon as I tried to fall asleep, though, my heart started to race, thinking about my 2 take homes, the 2 exams I took in class, what my evals will look like, the end of law school, not being in classes anymore, starting work, taking the bar exam, starting BarBri ....

So then I started to think about Lost, which was good last night, and the world of make believe calmed me down and I fell to sleep.

I left my bike at school yesterday for the first time in 3 years. We had some nasty thunderstorms (perhaps even tornados inland in this state, and near my home town in that other state down there) while I was writing about torture and enemy combatants, and then the temp dropped from the 70s to the 40s. I had on flip-flops and capris and NO rain coat. So I took the T home. I hope my bike's okay. I hope no one took it. Or the tires off of it. That would suck.

We woke up this a.m. to no power. That was strange. Fortunately my alarm clock is battery operated. E usually showers in the a.m., but since there was no hot water, I let her sleep in. MISTAKE! The girl's a grouch without a shower to wake her up and make her smiley. And then J had fits over shoes and socks - nothing was comfortable. Socks were too thin, shoes were too tight, and she has a walking field trip today. She has like 100 pairs of shoes. I don't know why she was suddenly insisting that they all SUCK. Not to mention the 200 pairs of socks.

Labels: exams, kids, law school, life

posted by Zuska @ 8:45 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Last In Class Exam --- Evah!!!

I finished IP. I have to say, I came out of it feeling less confident than I did coming out of Securities. Perhaps it's because I didn't just learn IP in 2 days - I've been reading and paying attention and caring and understanding all along. So being able to write about it didn't feel like a big deal. But I don't think so. I think I missed stuff. I know I didn't bomb it, but this is a professor I respect, and I don't want her to read it and think, "zuska's dumb." But since I had her for Property first year, and she didn't find me dumb, it's more likely she'll say "zuska's a lazy 3L."

Who knows - maybe I only feel less confident because it was closed book, and I couldn't go through a written checklist and KNOW that I talked about all applicable issues. I'm not really willing to go back through my notecards, either, to find out what/if I missed. I'll just stay in blissful ignorance until my evals come out (in 100 years or so).

This morning, I was a freaking MACHINE. In honor of exams, I guess. I woke up at 6 [30 minutes earlier than usual] and threw on clothes, put my hair up, and got on the [pre-packed - which is soooo not-Zuska] and rode to school. I went straight to the gym, carried my index cards and outline up the stairs with me and sweat like a PIG for 45 minutes while memorizing PFCs.

I ellipticalled .2 of a mile less than yesterday in the same amount of time - when I was not memorizing elements of a cause of action for Trademark infringment suits. But I think it's a worthwhile trade off. 2-tenths of a mile = no days skipped in the exercise regime AND memorized elements of causes of action.

And in other blissful ignorance news - the scale in the gym is broked. So I don't know if I've lost or gained or what in the past week.

I'll tell you one thing - on Friday - when I'm DONE with law school - I don't give a shit about the scale.

I'm eating ice cream.

Now I'm off for a quick walk to get a notebook and a bottle of yummy orange sparkling water before I come back to the library and settle in to electronically retrieve my 24 hour take home.

I sort of wish I had time for a nap.

Oh well.

Labels: exams, exercise, ice cream, law school

posted by Zuska @ 12:47 PM 1 comments

Monday, May 14, 2007

The Worst is Over

I took my Securities Regulation exam this afternoon. Amen. I am done with that class.

I felt good coming out of it - like I'd hit the major issues, and was lacking very little information. I was a little worried because I didn't know the specifics about how the SEC refers matters to the DOJ for criminal prosecution ... I was worried that was going to hurt me. I just said, "the SEC may refer the matter to the DOJ for criminal prosecution of the fraudulent acts." Post-exam screening says I may have said, "under section 17" but otherwise - I am more than fine.

Coming out of there, I feel like I did a damned good job at learning an entire course in 2 days. I always feel good coming out, though. I do know, for a fact, that I passed. This is what really matters. Because 2 weeks ago, while sitting in that room with that infuriating professor and all of his, "right? right? right? right?" nonsense, I thought, "I'm going to fail. I need this class to graduate, and I can't focus on a thing this man is saying b/c he's the world's most annoying poo-poo head to walk the face of the earth - so I am going to FAIL."

I did not fail.

Now I'm working on my International Law take home exam -- some nonsense about the environment and China and mercury. I will go home in a couple of hours, and eat some food. I'm hungry. I'm also tired. Because I just took an exam.

Labels: exams, law school

posted by Zuska @ 4:49 PM 0 comments

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Happy Mother's Day/Exam Prep

Today is definitely not going in the books as the "Best Mother's Day Ever" for several reasons. Not the smallest of which is the fact that I spent 80% of it (thus far) studying Securities Regulations, and am about to switch over to Intellectual Property.

I ran into a professor in the park today. The park right behind our house. She was playing with her kid, and said, "what are you doing here? do you live here?" I said, "yes, I live right there!" and she was stunned, b/c so does she. They just moved here.

I now have one judge, and TWO professors in my neighborhood. I am pretty sure there are other "legal celebrities" that I'm just not remembering right now. Oh yeah, right -- a third professor. One of them has lived here since we have, and his daughter is E's age, but in another school. His daughter plays against E in softball, and was in the same spelling bee, etc. So we tend to run into each other quite often.

I look forward to graduating. Then they're not "my professors" anymore, but rather "a professor at my alma mater." Then I won't feel like random conversations in the park are stilted by my concern that she's making me memorize 9,000 facts by Wednesday.

Labels: community, law school

posted by Zuska @ 9:09 PM 1 comments

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Last Day of Classes

Yesterday was my last law school class. It was a little surreal, because our classroom was moved due to 1L exams, and we ended up being put in a classroom I had almost all my first-year classes in, but haven't been in since. I also was in IP, which is taught by the same professor who I had for 1L Property. It felt like 3 years ago - I remember the Property review session perfectly, and I'm pretty sure I sat in the same seat.

When we left, my friends were VERY happy. Doing dances and such.

I wasn't. Not really. I was nostalgic, and also a little sad. I've really enjoyed school. I've enjoyed being in class again, and I've enjoyed this sort of learning process. I don't want it to continue, and I'm not combing the land for the "perfect" ph.d. program. However, I'm not doing a dance, really.

I think my friends who went to law school straight from undergrad were the ones who were happy. They just finished their 20th year straight of school (right? Is my math okay here?)

I had 10 years off. I think it made me more appreciative, and now a little more sad.

But uh, I can't wait for exams to be over. And I can't wait to be done with the bar. And I can't wait to go to Europe with my Beloved, and I actually really can't wait to start work/my career, and I'm optimistic (to say the least) about the future.

So I wasn't that sad.

Labels: graduation, law school

posted by Zuska @ 10:02 AM 4 comments

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Plugging along ...

all last week, I noticed that many of the law school blogs were mostly a list of what exam prep had taken place that day. I was feeling a little pleased that it wasn't me yet, since my school is on the quarter system, and are exams happen sorta late.

Now it's my turn.

Today I worked on International Law and Securities. Both went better than I expected. I consulted with two classmates on the International take home, and I felt like I have a good grasp of the material. Then I went and holed up in the library to tackle Securities.

I've been really worried about Securities. My professor started off the quarter on a super-sour note, and I had a hard time getting over the bitterness. Really, I never did get over it. I might have, if he was a decent teacher. But he isn't. He sucks at teaching. He should NOT quit his day job. Fortunately for him, and unfortunately for all of us, he DOES have a day job, and that's why we were left waiting for 1/2 hour, and it's why we had to tolerate him answering his cell phone and blackberry during class on several occasions.

Or, perhaps, the reason why was because he's an inconsiderate person who has respect for no one but himself, and found us to be itty bitty babies hanging on his every word (never mind that the average age in the classroom was likely 30+, and I somehow don't think he has yet reached 40).

Anyway -- because of this attitude of mine and lack of teaching ability of his - I have learned nothing this quarter. Nothing. I know that there's a few laws pertaining to securities. The end.

So today I set to the task of learning about securities. I think I'm getting there. I'm about 1/2 way through the course, and I feel pretty good. I will not fail; I am certain of that.

I will have a very insane 8 days coming up here. I would like to move into the law library. I can bring a sleeping bag or something. I have probably 24 hours/day of work to do. I have 2 take homes, but I can't start on them until Wednesday - and one of them has a 24 hour limit, so I won't start the second one until Thursday. Which leaves me less than 24 hours to do that one. I will look for corners of time over the weekend, when I need a break from the others. But I still don't think I'll turn to it until Thursday.

And I'm not willing to give up the gym next week. I already made my plan to leave the house at 6 or 6:30 on Weds a.m. and head to the gym with either notecards or my outline, and do my last minute cramming on the elliptical. I can't write take home exams at the gym, but who cares. I'm sure that the 2 hours it takes won't fail me.

Labels: exams, exercise, law school

posted by Zuska @ 5:50 PM 0 comments

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Getting Serious

Alright, finally, I'm ready to buckle down and prepare for exams. I got a substantial portion of my IP outline done today, and hope to finish soon. Then I switch over to Securities, with a slight blip of Int'l Law on Thursday afternoon. We are getting our take home exam tomorrow, but it isn't due until next Friday. A friend and I are getting together post-gym on Thursday, though, to do some initial brainstorming. I won't be able to actually write the damned thing until a week later; the day before it's due. Woe is me.

My Security/Liberty exam has a 24 hour limit - we can pick it up one day, and it's due exactly 24 hours later. I think I'm going to pick it up after my IP exam, which is Weds. a.m. I told a classmate today, I plan to pick it up at 2 p.m., b/c then I can work a good bit in the evening, and then sleep on it, and finalize it in the a.m.

I am not looking forward to this and next week. They're poops. I can't wait until they're over.

I have friends who arranged things so that they have like NO exams. Or their only exam is the 24 hour take home. I am jealous now. I have 4 exams. Ptooey.

Labels: exams, law school

posted by Zuska @ 8:46 PM 0 comments

Very exciting

I just went and handed in my bar application. On the T, while traveling to the office, I pulled it out to go over things, and just be sure I didn't forget anything.

Shit!

I did.

I forgot to include the judge I worked for in my first summer of law school. I didn't know what to do. He wrote one of my letters of recommendation, so there was no way they would think I was hiding the fact, but still. I then thought, "well, it's the only job that I wasn't paid for - maybe I can just say I didn't think I needed to include it?" But that's dumb, in this world of internships and co-ops.

So I stopped at a FedEx/Kinkos right near the courthouse, and re-did the rider. The reason why it slipped through the cracks was b/c I had to add 5 pages' worth of additional jobs that the application didn't have room for - I thought "oh, all my co-op jobs fit on the first page" and started the Rider with other stuff -- but the Judge didn't fit on the first page.

While I was in Kinkos, I ran into a fellow summer associate from Future Firm. That was fun.

Now I'm back at school, outlining IP -- again and forever more.

I am more worried about Securities Regulation. My classmates tell me I shouldn't be - that when I sit down to go over it, and create an outline/index, it will go much quicker than I think it will. I'm still worried.

It's in less than a week!! So I need to finish IP, and get it out of the way (for now) so I can spend the weekend steeped in Securities.

Labels: bar exam, exams, law school

posted by Zuska @ 2:32 PM 0 comments

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Nothing so pretty as dark storm clouds

There's a thunderstorm brewing. It's very pretty to see as it's moving toward us. Beloved is likely less amused, as he's pedaling up toward Whole Foods hoping he can shop faster than thunder and lightning can travel. I was just outside chatting with a friend coming to pick up one of his kids and one of mine, and noticed that the temp felt at least 15 degrees cooler than 30 minutes previous, when I was running around the reservoir. Mmmm. Summer-time weather. Hot and sunny one minute and chilled and dark the next.

Feels like a crazy day, but is really just another typical weekend day with girls the ages of mine with vibrant social lives. J was supposed to have soccer this a.m., but it was thankfully canceled due to saturated fields. Thankfully because without thinking, I'd invited a friend over straight after, and the house (especially the girls' room, which is their job) needed some attention. I was up at 7 to check on the fields, and then laid into the kitchen. Man, I went nuts. I scrubbed and threw away and cleared surfaces and drawers that hadn't been cleared in [forever]. I'm proud of my work. I now need to venture to Bed, Bath and Beyond to get a couple of last organizational tools -- a silverware organizer for the drawer that used to be the "junk drawer;" some bins [I love bins] for on top of the fridge, to collect take-out menus (my best friends) and other odds and ends that accumulate (since I no longer have a junk drawer) - which I will promise to put away each time the bin fills (Beloved is snarfing at me as he reads this, I guarantee it). Stuff like that.

Friends came by while this was going on, caught me up on some of what I missed at a party last night,* dropped off their kid, and impulsively took one of mine. I then finished my cleaning and organizing while the younger girls played and Beloved .... I don't know what he did. But then Beloved and I took the girls for a walk - got them some lunch, got me some coffee, and then went to the bank because Beloved and I decided to take a major step and open a joint bank account!!! We had a long-ish wait, so we took the girls to a very fun game and puzzle store in town. They were excellent everywhere.

Then Beloved and I shoved them out to the park and we went hunting for plane tickets to Europe. Ugh. Things aren't so great in that department, but they'll be fine. We'll just have to come home with fewer goodies.

Then I went for a run, and when I got back, the girls were picked up and Beloved went to the store, and I'm home alone! How fun! I actually have to go and write a 1-2 page memo to go with my IP assignment. It's due Monday. I can't blow it off like I've blown off outlining, which is really not officially due ever.

*This was an entire post that I wrote out last night. It touched on how I feel overwhelmed when confronted with the possibility of changing plans, and it discussed the reasons why I chose to stay home from this particular party, and the reasons why it was important to me that I stick to my reasons ... I don't think I articulated in that lost post that I was also quite honored that 2 friends were really unhappy to hear I wasn't going, and tried to change my mind ... but I was also overwhelmed. It was a good post, and I liked it. But as I was looking for a reference link, Firefox just kind of :::::: poof :::::::: disappeared on me. And I lost the whole post. I thought later perhaps that was good, because the post also had some bitterness in it, bitterness about my itty bitty apartment, and some honesty as to the jealousy that I feel toward those who have magazine-worthy homes. And that bitterness is lost now. But so is some fun dreaming about my future laundry room and my future in-home office.

Labels: friends, kids, law school, life, weather, weekends

posted by Zuska @ 4:37 PM 0 comments

Friday, April 20, 2007

And then I brushed my teeeeth

Beloved and I head back to my parents' house today. We are getting the kidlets back tomorrow, and driving back here after we have dinner with my parents and my brother and his wife-who-is-about-to-pop, and who I'm liking a lot more lately. I think she is a little shy (or self-protective? or unsure of herself? or, perhaps, from what others say of me, she has been intimidated by me? some say I do that to people. It's not on purpose. I promise.) and that may be why it's been hard to get close.

But I reached out this past weekend, and I brought her some baby-presents, which included this kick ass diaper bag (yes, that is a diaper bag, despite its awesomeness), some baby books, a book for my brother, and some Allagash Tripel for my brother, which I introduced him to on Christmas Eve, and which he cannot get south of Massachusetts. And we had a nice talk, and she used the word "fuck." It makes me trust people more if they're willing to say "fuck" to me. Trust that the barriers are down, and they're being real. Which is funny, because there was a time in my life where I thought that saying fuck meant that the person speaking was a sinner and would go to hell unless they accepted Jesus Christ as their lord and savior. Now I think it means someone is a real person. [pause over that.] Yep, seems accurate.

Anyway. I decided to "go slow" this a.m. I've been getting up at 7 or earlier every day this week, despite the girls' absence, and going to the gym, and doing my usual stuff. Today, however, I got up at 8:30, and then decided to "blog for a minute" which somehow turned into 2 hours (so far). I have my IP book sitting next to me here, and I mean to crack it open to do the reading for my 3:30 make up class. I am going to do that as soon as publish this rambling post. Then I will assess the time, and either a) get in the shower; or b) get on the bike (dirty) and go to the gym before class. I've been exercising 6 days a week, and if today's my day off, that's okay with me. It is also beautiful out, though, so I could consider running around the lake. Again, depending on the time. I also need to pack. That sort of tips the scales toward today being a day off.

Last Saturday a.m., I was at my parents' house, and I went for a jog in the country. In the year 2000, my ex and I lived separately - not because of marital strife - but b/c his academic career brought him to another country for 6+ months. The fact that this sort of thing is acceptable to him is probably 30% of the reason for our eventual divorce. The realizations that the time apart granted me is probably another 30%.

Anyway. While he was gone, I made it my mission to lose my baby weight. I couldn't afford a gym, b/c I had no husband and I was working part-time so I could be with my babies as much as possible (my mom also worked part-time, and together, we provided for their full-time care), so I ran around in the country. I lost a lot of weight, felt great, and enjoyed my time in the out of doors in hte early mornings before the birds woke up.

That is the route I took last Saturday a.m. It was FUN to revisit. And it's so different from running here in an urban setting. While I was running, I passed this bush. Out of a bush came a ..... creature. I honestly don't know what it was, but it ran out, practically ran OVER my shoe, all in a flurry, and then ran in a circle back to the bush. It was quick and furtive like a squirrell, but I thought I heard the flapping of wings, like a bird. A bird, however, would never have come that close to me. I think it was a bat. Which is scary, b/c if it bit me, I'd probably have rabies. But it didn't really touch me.

However, I YELLED. I was so scared! My heart was racing (and if it was racing beyond the speed it was already at due to running, I'm lucky I didn't just die of a heart attack!).

That would have never happened here.

I'm willing to see tomorrow a.m. if it will happen again.

______________________________

Last night, E called me at 10:15 p.m. She was missing me a lot, but sounded like she was having a really good time - her voice was up and happy, and I could tell she's okay. Some way into the conversation, however, she told me that J was crying, and her father was talking to her to try and figure out what was wrong. E said she thinks that J was missing me, and she was mad at her dad b/c they again watched CSI, scaring J out of her wits. That made E miss Beloved and I.

It was hard to put all of this together because she was using the ex's cell phone, and it doesn't work in his house. He has a land line, but they can't place outgoing calls from it (he's subletting), they can only receive. So I said I'd call the landline. She said I can't, b/c the ex was waiting for "an important business call." It was now 10:30. p.m. Hello? I said, "um, it's 10:30." She said, "yeah, I know, seems dumb." I dropped it. E then talked to Beloved, and then J talked to beloved, and then J wanted to talk to me. She couldn't understand me - I couldn't understand her - but I could tell that her voice was thin, and she was upset. She was being all "strong" and saying, "well, I can't understand you, so I guess I'll call you tomorrow." But she was fighting crying, I could tell.

I was so angry. I get angry at my ex kind of rarely. I'm just not emotionally invested in him. But he knew that the kids and I were struggling to hear one another, and he just didn't care. He kept insisting he was waiting for an "important business call" at 11 at night (by the time we hung up). I think he's an asshole.

(and i'm calling the kids now, so there).

Labels: ex-relations, exercise, kids, law school

posted by Zuska @ 11:01 AM 4 comments

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Pomp and Pomp?

We're having wee fires cropping up over graduation. I happen to know that another school in this city is having huge fires cropping up over their graduation, and our wee ones are really just silly-ness.

Sometimes, I wish I could skip the ceremony. I can't, though. My parents and my kids are coming. And my husband.

Now I want to go, because I feel like I had a (possible) impact I think I had on the ceremony. Nothing to do with the fires. I skirt around the fires.

We don't have class rank, so we don't have a valedictorian and a salutatorian. We also have two "rotations" - because when one half of the upper classes are on co-op, the other half is taking classes. So in order to determine who is the graduation speaker, each rotation has a little popularity contest. That is How It Is Done. The other rotation did it while I was on my co-op over winter, and they chose a friend of mine who was in my first year writing class (a 9 person class) and who I think highly of. It's fun that he is the speaker. I know him relatively well (as compared to many people on the other rotation, who I probably wouldn't be able to identify as members of the Class of '07 or '08, and would perhaps mistake them for undergrads coming to use the library). He has a clerkship next year, and he is then going to work at a top firm. He's going to be a good speaker -- I also think he's going to make me cry -- a friend doesn't think he'll do that kind of talk, but I think he will.

When our rotation had a call for nominations for speakers, I truly deliberated. I wanted a good counterbalance to Boy Speaker (I really shouldn't call him a Boy, he's over 30, he's been married for years, and he's not all that boyish, but anyone under the age of 60 gets called a "boy" by me. Unless they're a Girl). I wanted someone who was public interest oriented, especially considering that's what our school is most known for, and dammit, I wanted a vagina on that stage! We (like almost any other law school) are 60/40 in favor of the women - why have 2 boys speak? NO REASON. That's why.

So I nominated an awesome person who's been incredibly active in the public interest arena, and is very intelligent, and honestly, dresses like the quintessential hippy. I'm not sure a big firm would let her within 100 yards of their building. I hardly know her from Adam. But I see her working like a DOG for her causes, and I hear the thoughtful intelligence that spews from her mouth in class all the time. And I know that she has a vagina (perhaps I only assume, but the assumption is made upon a good amount of external indicators).

She won. WOO HOO! I like to think that I contributed this to my class. No one but me and 2 others know that I nominated her, and for all I know, 199 other people nominated her - but I don't care. In my mind, this is my doing.

It was a close race, too. We had one vote where a lot of people were nominated (maybe 9?) but 3 clear leaders stood out. I think she was within 1 vote of winning on the first go-round, perhaps 1 vote up, but I think not. Her biggest competition was another Boy (who really shouldn't be called a man), who I really like and have studied with and worked with, and I think he's a great person, and if the other Boy weren't already speaking, I'd likely vote for Boy #2. But he's also going to a big firm, and he also lacks a vagina. No balance. No diversity.

I was worried that our "public interest" school with 60% women and all its talk about diversity and equal opportunity and so on and so forth was going to vote for 2 white males taking the traditional road of law school to big firm life. Perhaps I'm not the only one capable of thinking about the big picture, and this is why my Nominee won. I think she won because she's cool.

Labels: law school

posted by Zuska @ 3:14 PM 1 comments

Monday, April 16, 2007

Oh. The Laziness!!

I can't even believe I'm about to state this publicly. I got out of bed at 11:45 today. 11:45 a.m.

What the hell? I haven't done that since college.

The kids are gone, which often sinks me into a funk for a couple of days.

I also slept until 11 yesterday, but that's because I had to finish sleeping off the alcohol from the night before, or I'd have had a wretched day.

Can I also use the excuse that I rarely get more than 5 hours of sleep a night, so I needed to catch up?

Beloved and I went to sleep last night around 2 a.m. So I slept 9.5 hours. If I had gone to bed at 10, and got up at 7:30 - I wouldn't feel bad. Right? But we are night owls. We saw a movie (Volver, which I loved) until 12:15 or so, then talked, then [we interrupt this program to avoid sharing too much].

It helps that today's a holiday - Patriot's Day in good old New England. Also known as Marathon Monday. We woke just in time to watch the winners cross the finish line, and hear the Russian and Ethiopian national anthems. I am sipping a cup of coffee, and will then head out to the gym.

Because I am very motivated of late because it seems like finally my work is paying off, and I'm feeling less fat.

After the gym comes school work. I was considering staying at school to type up my bar application, but I'm really not certain school is open, so I don't want to bring my stuff over, and I have a lot of free time tomorrow, so I think I'll do it then instead.

Having a Monday off is very nice for my week. I only have one class to read for tomorrow, and it's over at 9:30 a.m. I then have the entire day (and a non-weekend day, too) to get stuff done for Wednesday. I will try and get 2 classes' of reading done today, and make tomorrow even freer.

I also have to cook tomorrow night ... but there's no kids. So we can eat whenever the hell we want, and picking the kids up isn't one of the pieces of tomorrow's puzzle. That part of them being gone is nice. But it doesn't balance out the bad.

Labels: exercise, law school, weekends

posted by Zuska @ 12:14 PM 1 comments

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