It's just this last time, then never again (she says with crossed fingers), but I'm so tired, and so ... tired. I don't want to go over my state's distinctions, and I don't want to look at Wills and Trusts and Corporations and Secured Transactions and Agency and Partnership and Professional Responsibility [is that everything?] OH! and Federal Jurisdiction ... I just want to go to bed.

But alas, I have one more day.

Tomorrow night: A pint of ice cream, a bottle of wine, and Harry Potter.

p.s. What the fuck is a Dumper's Rule?

Labels: bar prep

posted by Zuska @ 6:55 PM 4 comments

Monday, July 23, 2007

Emotions

I have no idea why, but I am so teary-eyed today. Every little thing is choking me up. I went to the gym, and read Oprah's magazine.* On the back page, she had a little ditty about her dog, Gracie, and how she died. She choked on a ball. She was two. Whatever. It's a dog. But then Oprah says that the next day, she went out to the spot where she always called the dog from, and started to call her - not that she forgot the thing was dead, but like a ritual goodbye sort of thing.

And I'm like, on the elliptical, fighting back sobs.

I don't even like dogs! I don't even particularly care for Oprah! Just the thought of the loss that was being expressed hit me in this weird out-of-the-blue non-Zuska way. I didn't consciously think, "oh, imagine if I lost E or J" but the feeling it evoked in me - that must have been how I translated it.

It wasn't the only time, either. I'm reading a stupid magazine, and I'm getting choked up at weird moments - pictures of twin girls who trust their mommy to give them medicine, letters to the editor about skin cancer - everything. Boo-hoo. Songs on my iPod on the way home - boo hoo.

I am not sure if it's the mounting pressure upon my soul that is stronger with every passing second, or if it's hormonal. Either way, it's going to be okay. If it's hormonal, then I know it's just today, and I'll be fine by Wednesday. Which is a good thing. Could you imagine? The hypothetical about some dog running out of the yard and falling into a badly-marked open hole in a street will leave me running from the room in tears.

If it's the mounting pressure that has me so precariously tearful, the adrenaline will fix it soon enough.

* Trashy magazines are my new gym entertainment. Listening to PMBR just wasn't cutting it in the motivation department. Checking out photos of drugged up, anorexic and otherwise messed up celebrities seems to keep me moving at a record pace.

Labels: bar prep, emotions, kids

posted by Zuska @ 11:13 AM 1 comments

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Bar Exam = Obnoxious Zuska = Clean House

Last week, or maybe the week before, Beloved and I realized we'd done nothing about taking care of our cats during our trip. Our 12 day trip.

I said: "Kennel them." Reasons? I don't have time to clean the house, everybody we know who we could ask or pay is gone the same week we are (the greater Boston area is ridiculous with how much people just FLEE in the summer!), and I have no time to clean the house. No time. The house cleaning would have to be big, I said. We would have to do the floors, the walls (just a couple) - - everything would have to be company ready.

Kennel the cats.

Beloved didn't want to. Our black kitty witty isn't really .... right in the head. We're lucky that she ever emerges from under the couch or the bed. I think if she had to spend 2 weeks in a cage in a giant room with assorted other animals, she'd jump out of her fur. Even my well-adjusted royalesque boy would probably be rattled beyond recognition.

So he said "I don't want to kennel them."

I said - fine. Then it's your job. It's your job to find someone, and it's your job to make the house perfect. PERFECT.

Now, I actually did a lot -- I took care of a lot of clutter, and I did my bedroom, and the living room looks better than it ever does (and has since I cleaned it up initially, slowly, 2 weeks ago).

But today?

Beloved is elbows and knee deep in bleach. He did the kitchen floor. It's gleaming. He did it on his hands and knees. He scrubbed everything. He moved the fridge, vacuumed behind there, and he did lots of other hard-labor scrubby things.

When I said it - that it was all his job - a week or 2 ago - I felt perfectly justified. After all, I'm taking the bar exam.

Today ... maybe not so much. It's been all day! While I'm in here filling in bubbles and scribbling on note cards, he's sweating and cleaning and scrubbing like mad!

I'm very appreciative, and it looks great.

Labels: bar prep, beloved, housework

posted by Zuska @ 6:10 PM 0 comments

Friday, July 20, 2007

less crappy than yesterday

Yesterday was crappy. I didn't get as much done as I wanted to,* I argued with Beloved,** and I just had trouble focusing.

Today, however, I have had a better day with the working and the learning and the studying. The sad part is, I skipped going to the gym in order to feel this way. That does make me sad. I've lost a good bit of weight, but I'd like to lose some more, in order to be the svelt Zuska that I was before injuries (minor) and law school conspired to Bloat Me. I haven't lost any weight in at least a month.

Today, I got up at 8, apparently forgetting to set my alarm for 7 last night. By the time I dragged my sorry ass out of bed, it was 8:30, and I was cringing at the visions of not starting my studies until almost noon again.

So I stayed home. I did some BarBri advanced questions (shittily) and then took a shower and took Commercial Paper and the essay book to a cafe. I struggled through Commercial Paper, then flipped to a few Commercial Paper essays and thought "wo! this has NOTHING to do with what I just learned!" and then once again convinced myself that it's the model answers that are stupid, not me. Because I HATE the model answers. And it's not just b/c they tell me I'm wrong, but sometimes, it's b/c I *know* they're wrong. I know it. They answer with multi-state principles despite the fact that we KNOW that Massachusetts is different. They're dumb. I hate them.

THEN I went and got a Chicken Shawarma with EXTRA garlic sauce. Yeah, Beloved's working today. I ate that while studying the chart on comparative and contributory negligence, to the point that I think I may actually be able to puzzle through it all. Now I'm going to go do 50 Torts Q's, then I'm going to review Trusts, and then I'm going to do essays.

I think this feeling of accomplishment was worth skipping the gym. Even though it makes me sad.

Also, I think getting out of the house and going to the cafe, and then the walk to the Shawarma joint really helped me to just feel better in general. I even tossed around the idea of taking the Red Book of Questions (which I am nowhere near even 1/2 way through, even though every one else in the Bar Prep Universe is already 3/4ths through the elusive Blue Book) to the park. In hte sunshine. With some water. On the grass.

Unfortunately, I suspect that I will fall to sleep, and then, during the real exam, I won't do well, what without the sunshine and the grass and all.

* Although I did: clean my room, clean up the kitchen, do 6 loads of laundry and pack for Europe as a run-through to see which bag would work. These things were not done because I had to do them that moment. They were evasive maneuvers.

** It was his fault. ;)

Labels: bar prep, everything, exercise, stress

posted by Zuska @ 2:08 PM 0 comments

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Note to self:

Do not ever, I mean EVER, change your mind.

In other words: Do not EVER erase one little bubble just to fill in another one "on second thought."

Labels: bar prep

posted by Zuska @ 6:03 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Feeling better (and tired)

Another long day of PMBR, but it's over now. which i guess is good. i'm working on essays, and trying to self-grade them. I just bombed one of them .... but i did okay on 4 of them. okay enough to think, "I can pass the essay part" --

Let it be known - i'm skipping all commercial paper essays! For now. It's on my list for tomorrow.

I shall puzzle through it, and I shall be ready to attempt to answer some Q's about it - maybe.

I also need to take a deep breath and do Corporations. I wrote it on tomorrow's to do list, and even writing it on the list hurt. I broke out into hives. Then today, every single person I spoke to said, "I went through corporations yesterday ...." and i felt woefully behind. they did it yesterday, i'm doing it tomorrow.

i bought shoes for Europe. I'm going to wear them around the house tomorrow while I study and do laundry.

beloved's getting tired of this, i think. i think i'll need to kick in a little bit, and take a little off his shoulders so he doesn't reach his max point on, oh, say Tuesday? the DAY before the bar exam? I mean, that could be one way to take my mind off the exam the next day: fight with my husband all night.

No. not a good plan. i think i may go put away some dishes and take the trash down, or something like that. then PMBR questions. Then I will make Trusts flash cards.

Labels: bar prep, beloved, housework

posted by Zuska @ 8:06 PM 1 comments

Likely Typical, But Certainly Not Welcome

realized out loud to Beloved while climbing into bed ... a week from tonight, i won't be sleeping, i'll be freaking out. because it will be the night before the exam.

i can't form words. i'm trying to say things, but the words are jumbled. i was trying to say "proceed" and "persist" sort of at once, thinking they were the same word. i think beloved was worried about me.

now it's 12:25, and i can't sleep. since i can't sleep, i'm not going to use capitalization.

i was trying to get my mind of ademption by extinction and the $25K (plus some fraction of the rest) that a spouse gets through the elective share statute as compared with the $200K (plus some other fraction of the rest) that a spouse gets if their SO dies intestate.

i tried to think instead about the novel i finished last night ... using the excuse of a mock exam and a couple glasses of wine, i studied not (well, i did 2 essays) and instead, finished The Road.

thinking about that novel was depressing, and i didn't like doing that.

the brain switched.

no more substance. no common nuclei of operative facts, no 10 v. 20 v. 30 day time limits.

lets instead think about my schedule! oh yes. good idea.

tomorrow, i have to do 300 essays, note cards for 3 MA subjects (one of which being Corps, which makes me want to die, and will likely take 8 hours), and at least 8,000 PMBR questions. did i mention i have PMBR from 9 to 4?

can't you feel the sleep creeping in? ha.

then i think ... huh. once the exam is over, i'll likely start freaking out about my job at future firm. i wonder what i'll wear. we're going to be low on funds, and i'm [at least] 30 pounds down from the last time i put on a suit.

this weekend i tried on some pants that were my faves last summer. i liked them b/c they made me feel slim.

they are now clown pants. it's not just in the waist (looks like literally 6 inches of empty space) but also in the rise. is that what you call it? from the crotch of the pants to the waist? i had been thinking i could get my old stuff taken in ... but putting these pants on made me think, uh, not sure it's gonna work. hopefully, by the time i start work, i'll be a 10. i used to be a 16, and they were a wee tight. today, i'm a 12.

then i thought, 'shit,' somewhere in the past 6 weeks of insanity and stress, i had some form of communication from future firm. they said they wanted a photo. for the little orientation book. or something. i think it was back in may. i didn't give them one. they said if we don't give them one, they're just gonna use last summer's photo. last summer's sucked. i took it while on vacation, and i was in a hurry, and it was just horrible and i hated it being in the summer book. i want a good one now. i'm happier with how i look and how i photograph.

i do this at night. i think of the things i need to do. things like:

sign and send in the lease
figure out what to do with the cats while we're in europe
find new shoes for europe
write e-mails to people i have neglected
put away the laundry in the basket so i can remove Mount Launderest from next to my toilet and perhaps even
do laundry
get picture for future firm

at least this time (right there) i wrote it all down.

i think i'm trying to find some solace in this freak out. this is how: i am pretty sure i'm going to pass the bar exam. i know what i have to do this week, and i feel capable of doing it. it's just a LOT, and in between, i'm going to freak out. if i didn't think i could pass, it would be some other kind of freak out. not this kind. not the "words no longer form propectly and the brain doesn't work unless it's reviewing the test for when a confession of a co-defendant can be used in court."

i'm also going to start suffering from PMS. I'm guessing by Friday, the PMS, and by Sunday, the .... M. being the 7-day gal that i am, it means that i will be mid-M during the bar exam.

i know, i know. i'm repeating myself. but i just typed that word "preating" instead of repeating, and it wasn't b/c it was a typo, it was because in my head, i said "preating." b/c i can't talk.

and now i can't sleep? shit.

Labels: bar prep, stress

posted by Zuska @ 12:23 AM 2 comments

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

A little more draining than I expected

In the past few days, there has been some news coming through my bloglines peoples. The news makes me realize that - really - the bar exam is small potatoes.

As small and potato-ey as it is, though, it's tuckering me out.

PMBR Day 2 was tiring. Likely not as tiring as yesterday was, but tiring nonetheless. Tonight, I must review Wills, I must do 6 essays, and I must do probably (according to yesterday's practice test) 700 Evidence questions.

Evidence
Torts
Contracts

Three subjects I did best in during law school.

Three subjects I sucked ass in on the damned mock MBE. And on the BarBri one.

Whatever.

In 11 days, I'm going to Paris.

Labels: babies, bar prep, stress

posted by Zuska @ 6:05 PM 0 comments

Monday, July 16, 2007

Exhausted, but Re-Macified

Oh, my lovely computer came home today. It has a new keyboard. The keys are lovely and textured, and the letters have all their ink on them again. Or still ... since it's new.

Today was the practice MBE a la PMBR.

These are the things I heard today (and read just now looking for more confidence-boosting):

PMBR is very, very hard. The hardest practice test out there.
The national average of correct answers on PMBR is less than 100.
If you want to figure out how you'll do on the real (raw) MBE, add 35 to your PMBR score.

Uh. Okay. Then perhaps, just perhaps, I'll say "I got a 152." That's after I apply the above to my score sheet -- which prior to application of the above left me feeling that I must have been using the a.m. answer sheet on the p.m. answers. Because it can't be 8 days out with me having that much wrong, can it? Because that is a little scary.

I told Beloved: Today was mentally exhausting, but I'm guessing tomorrow and Wednesday will be a mental vacation. I will just be talked at for 2 days. That's how I'm justifying a) my plan to do nothing but 4 essays tonight, and b) the likelihood (a la glass #2 of wine) that I won't even do that.

It looks like I will not be able to see the Harry Potter movie before the exam. If I had been able to go on Friday, it would have been ok, but by the time I'm done with PMBR, it's less than a week until the Real Thing, and I'm not throwing away 3+ hours on a movie. I can't do that.

This is the new plan:

I leave the Real Thing on Thursday ... at some time on some clock. I take the T to the theater. I buy a ticket for the next show. I shop at REI for shoes and perhaps some last minute tops/pants for the trip until that show starts. I go see the show. (Note: Beloved works until 8 p.m. or so on Thursdays).

During the show - I zone out. I watch the movie. While I'm watching the movie, all the stress and anxiety about MBE questions #108 and 115 (today's stressors - I got both wrong), and about the essay on 93A will evaporate out of my brain. I will leave the movie ready to pack for Europe. To, for the first time since May, Think About Other Things.

Hell, I may even have sex on Thursday night (next Thursday!! Next!!!).

Labels: bar prep, computer stuff

posted by Zuska @ 7:19 PM 1 comments

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Unless you want to talk about divisible contracts

I am pretty boring and useless.

Beloved and I woke early-ish today and walked together to our respective gyms. I had a good work out. Then I came home. I looked through an LLBean catalog.

Then I started going through my (state) Civil Procedure outline, and putting it onto note cards. There were a few sections I had to pull out the book to puzzle through, but otherwise, it was straight forward.

Why, then, did it take 5.5 hours? Not sure.

We had dinner together (I'm so lucky that I have someone to cook for me), and then he went out. I opened up my Agency and Partnership outline, but found my stomach feeling quite sour at the thought of starting a new topic.

Now I'm looking at the movie Little Children.

I'm not really sure that I know why I got this movie from Netflix. I read the book. I was not impressed. I thought, perhaps, that Kate Winslet would be fun to watch. But her character is just as unlikeable in the movie as she was in the book - maybe less so, b/c movies can't explain the inner turmoil that causes her bitchiness with and disinterest in her daughter.

Also - why the HELL is the movie narrated by an old man? Hasn't anyone yet learned that odd narrations of books turned to movies SUCK? It really just sucks.

Fun bonus: a few scattered chances to look at Jennifer Connelly. I'm not sure I knew she was in this. I love her. If: a) I were not heterosexual; b) she were not heterosexual; c) I were not married; [is she married?] d) I hung out in Hollywood circles; and e) she were up for it - I'd hook up with her.

I came in to peer at my notecards while the movie is paused for peeing purposes, and I find myself much less than excited to get back to it. Agency and Partnership is super-short. Maybe if I went through it quick now, and THEN finished the movie, I could do even a third topic before sleeping? hmmmm.

WonL is doing a fun music post. I can't play. I can't listen to music while I study. I need my full concentration, and music with lyrics breaks that up and makes me NOT study, even while studying. What a waste that would be. It is quite unfortunate that I can't be fun. I wish I could be fun.

And a final thought --- I have never been such a NON mother. Not in 10 years. Almost 11. Maybe even more, because I did feel like a mother while I was pregnant with E. This summer, though, my brain is full. It's full of the bar exam, and it's full of Europe, and it's full of the upcoming Future Firm experience. I talk to the girls - geez, I think I've spoken with E every day, if not on the phone, then on IM - but I'm nowhere near as sidetracked by their lives in the middle of the country as I've been every single other year that they were gone. X will just have to handle things.

The worst part is, though, that E is pretty intuitive -- especially pertaining to me -- and I'm afraid she can sense my disengagement. There's really nothing I can do about it right now, though. The bar exam has to happen. I shared this hysterical post with her,* and she enjoyed that, and now is constantly saying, "I support you in law school!" Very cute.

J isn't as difficult - J is very good at being in the moment, in the situation she is in. Sometimes, that's not always so great, b/c those she is not with feel neglected (don't even get me started on her BFF and the enablement from that girl's mother - even that sentence feels like too much. Ya never know who will find the blog). I am personally happy for her that she has learned to be where she is, especially after the summer of 2 years ago, where she called me every. single. night. crying that she missed me and wanted to come home. God, that was miserable.

* Okay, it's not just a post - it's a project Quirky did when she was E's age. How cool was that? Please go look at it. I swear, some of the lines, I could 100% picture E writing herself! The bad part about sharing it with E ... she's now demanding a higher allowance. If she survives this summer knowing her Momma has Other Things To Think About, she can HAVE a higher allowance. Tons of thanks to Quirky for sharing her past with us :)

Labels: bar prep, kids, movies, stress, whining

posted by Zuska @ 8:05 PM 3 comments

Friday, July 13, 2007

Pens

I have gone through more pens during this bar exam nonsense than I ever have before in my LIFE. I start with a pen, and I use the pen a lot - to take notes in class, to write note cards, to make notes while doing questions ... and they die. It used to be that I spent so little time writing, I'd use a pen here, use a pen there, but they lasted a really long time, until I lost them. Now, I kill them. I suck all the ink out of them and work them to death.

Yeah, that is really all I've got.

Labels: bar prep, stress

posted by Zuska @ 1:20 PM 1 comments

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Waiting on a Second Wind

I did a bunch of Con Law questions this a.m. Then I went through the answers. Then I went through the MA distinctions for essay-purposes. In between, I did 6 loads of laundry (no, I think it was 8), and all of that was AFTER I went to the gym.

now I'm eating tuna salad, and wondering from where, exactly, I'm supposed to muster the energy to do another 4 hours of work today?

I also feel so LOST on the essays. I just don't know how to study for them. I can do multiple choice. I'm one of those people who test well with that kind of test. But the essays are so overwhelming.

I heard recently (I think on a PMBR lecture from the disks I love) that a lot of states don't focus on their state law for the essays. The dude even said, "in Connecticut, and Massachusetts, the essays are on national law." Liar. They are not! I wish they were. I'd go take a nap or something.

Yesterday, I went through the Federal Jurisdiction (i.e., Civ Pro) notes, and made up note cards, and then wrote a couple of essays on that topic. I felt okay about that. But it took like - FOREVER - and I don't have FOREVER times 13. Or 19, if you count MBE topics that we have to know the stupid "distinctions" for.

I just got another of my evaluations from the Spring. At least my days are peppered with these confidence boosters "Oh, I do have a brain, I do!"

______________________________________________

I am bringing my stupid MacBook into the Genius Bar tonight. I am really not happy about this. It's got all my notes on it (easy to e-mail to myself), and it's got the BarBri Study Smart software on it, which I'm really enjoying. I went off the Paced Program, and started doing the advanced questions as mixed subject Qs on the computer, and I really like how it tracks my progress and shows me which sub-topics I need to focus on.

But it won't stay asleep AND the area where I rest my hands is discolored and cracking AND the screen flickers ominously when it dims itself just prior to NOT going to sleep. All of these things conspired to make me believe that I did, in fact, need their protection plan, and I bought that a couple of weeks ago. Stupid MacBook.

It's likely ok that I have to live without my Study Smart. It just gives me more time for essays, and then the computer will come home on Saturday or Sunday, and all will be well.

______________________________________________

I think I found my "Fuck You" subject. It's comparative/contributory negligence. I hate hate hate hate those questions. I know if I sat down with the "large outline" I could work my way through the nuances. But I don't want to. I hate hate hate hate it. I don't want to do the fucking math, and I don't want to make a goddamned CHART in a multiple choice question. I think I'll figure out how we do it here in MA, and tell the MBE to go to hell on that score. I mean, how many questions really can there be with the stupid percentages and other such nonsense?

I went out last night. Out to dinner with Beloved and another couple. We had good food, spent a good bit of $$, and I had 2 drinks. We laughed and chatted, and were home by 10:30. I got home and did more Qs.

Nice life I have here, eh?

I'm going out tonight, too. I don't think I'll only have 2 drinks, though, and I sort of don't think I'll be home by 10:30.

But I can't be out TOO late, b/c at 9 a.m., I'm going out for coffee with a friend.

Bar exam? What bar exam?

Did I mention I want to go see Harry Potter tomorrow? The morning coffee date likely precludes that, though. I don't mind taking a break a day ... 2 breaks, though, is likely beyond "maintaining balance" and heading toward "blowing off the bar exam."

Okay - I'm going to force myself into the essays.

Frizzum frazzum.

Labels: bar exam, bar prep, laundry, law school, movies

posted by Zuska @ 2:27 PM 6 comments

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Do the hairs need to be split this fine?

Really, when the answer options are "Defendant may introduce evidence to show honesty," and "Defendant may introduce evidence to show truthfulness," is that really fair? I knew it had to be one of the two - but seriously - what's the difference? I looked it up in the dictionary, and truthfulness is defined as being honest.

I know, I know, it's a "term of art" or some such bullshit. I think it's just rude.

I chose truthfulness. I was wrong. It was honesty they were looking for.

Labels: bar exam, bar prep, stress

posted by Zuska @ 12:56 PM 2 comments

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Diligence

Despite a few short forays into the land of e-mail, IMing with my mom, and dinner with Beloved, I have worked a LOT today. I certainly needed to, and I'm glad to find this much stamina within myself.

I have made note cards and otherwise sufficiently digested Property information so that I can have approx 75% accuracy on the "intermediate" questions and 100% on introductory (the volume of questions is not so high, so don't think too highly of my abilities).

I have started to catch up on essays, going through several of them today (I found myself behind by 12 essays - TWELVE!).

I have done 66 extra questions in preparation for the MBE.

I am going to finish off the day by reviewing some older topics: Torts and Evidence, I think.

Way back on May 30, Criminal Law was the first topic on which we were lectured. There were so many details and so many rules - I couldn't believe that it was 1/13th of all that I had to know. How could I possibly know this many details for all these topics? Of course I've done it, and probably more, for the 3-4 exams that I took in class each semester, but 13? At once? I just didn't see how it was possible.

Yet now that we're further removed from Criminal law, it's the topic I'm consistently scoring highest on. I think it's because I've had that much time to marinate in it.

I am going to make it my goal to go over my outlines in each topic every night - independent of the questions and the essays and the note cards. Hopefully, I can bring these later topics up to speed with Criminal Law (and to a lesser extent, Constitutional Law), and help to up my scores with those, as well.

Right now, I'm pretty damned tired. I think I've earned some rest. Just as soon as I finish these notes ....

Labels: bar prep

posted by Zuska @ 9:30 PM 0 comments

Saturday, July 07, 2007

In my head ...

Beloved was going to re-arrange the furniture for me.

But when one comes home from the airport at 7:30 a.m. and falls so dead asleep that she does not hear the sound made when cats knock over all of the contents of the windowsill ... and one stays in said state until 12:30 p.m. (i.e., after noon), one is not tired very early.

But one's husband did not have the luxury to sleep and sleep and sleep, and had to be at work for the entire day.

So it would be foolish for one to wait for another to take care of her business for her.

Therefore, I turned my dining area into a pathetic-looking bachelor-esque eating center (we have plans to hang art on the wall, I swear):

and I turned my kids' bedroom into something .... nasty:

I went to the night class tonight. It's so weird how the breaks during my morning class are welcome respites. Times to chat with those around me, and enjoy the break in the monotony. Breaks during these unfamiliar sessions, however, are nothing but NOISE. These people I don't know, the culture I am not familiar with - it's loud, and it's intrusive into my life and my head and my peacefulness.

I spent the afternoon catching up with property. I hate property.

But you know what? Property isn't supposed to be happening this week. This week is supposed to be this:

But do you see all those arrows and cross outs and circles? That means "I am going to hang out with my daughters, and blow off BarBri." This behavior started last week, when I had my property lectures. See? Even more arrows:

Loops, even.

So today, I finally went through the property notes. Then I finally started those property intermediate questions, which I should have done before the mock exam last Friday ....

Guess how I did?

Yeah, that's 4 right out of 15 (yes, I am one of those people who stops and checks my answers as I go along). Which is no better than I did last Friday, when I ended up in the 16th percentile for the Real Property questions ... which I tried to say was "okay" since I hadn't done these practice Q's and hadn't yet condensed my notes, and and and ....

So tonight, while waiting for the evening class to start, I spent my time in a constructive fashion:

**

I'm not really sure why I'm making note cards. The only point is to write the information down. When I write (not type), I learn. I could very well just write it over and over on a piece of lined paper. But for some reason, I do it on note cards. There have been (rare) occasions where I later go back and review the note cards. This bar exam nonsense may be one of those times, but since I've (wasted? spent? blown off? prioritized?) time with my family up until now, I may not have time to review note cards.

You know what? I need to go to bed. It's 1 a.m.!!

** Don't I have funky handwriting? I can't help but to look at the handwriting of those around me, and really, I think mine is weird. It's really not very girl-like. Nor is it very boy-like. I'm a handwriting FREAK.

Labels: bar prep

posted by Zuska @ 12:26 AM 0 comments

Friday, July 06, 2007

Skins, Kids and Books

I just downloaded a new skin for my updated Firefox - I'm not sure I like it. It's green. I think it will likely match my blog layout, but I don't tend to spend much time reading my own blog, and it doesn't match much else.

The girls are gone. They got on the plane this a.m. J was very emotional and tearful last night, and was more "depressed" (not in the clinical sense, in the quiet and withdrawn sense) this morning. E was being stoic last night. She was spending time in her room, preparing. She packed a lot more personal stuff than she usually does, and declared that she will NOT be living out of her suitcase this summer, and that if X did not get them a dresser, she will insist on some sort of dresser-like arrangement so she can actually move in this time.

Poor kid.

X called at 8:30 - he had them in hand and said they were happy, smiling and excited. It is the transition that bothers them the most - not the fact of their father, I think. They do have true complaints about how they spend their time and how he acts toward them, but while the transition period makes them say they would NEVER want to go there, I don't think that's the real truth. I think they do want to be there. It's just hard.

I came home and napped. This was the plan:

Sleep from 8 a.m. to 10 a.m.
Go to the gym from 10:30 a.m. to Noon
Shower, start working at 1:00
Leave home at 4:30 to to go the evening class of Corporations II

This is what actually happened:
Sleep from 7:30 a.m. to 12:30
Shower
Email/blog/make coffee set up until 1:30
Starting working at 1:30.

Huh. I guess that the sleep I got from 1:30 to 4:00 a.m. just wasn't enough.

Now it's time. Now I crunch. What usually serves the purpose of the family calendar will become the bar calendar - a dry-erase month-at-a-glance ... with subjects and questions and essays written in rather than birthday parties and picnics and school assignments.

I'm less nervous now than I was in June, and I'm not sure that's a good thing. I definitely have a lot to cram into my head, and I am definitely not in passing range yet. I suppose I trust my ability to learn, but this is definitely time to dig in deep for my ability to persevere and NOT procrastinate.

Labels: *E*, *J*, bar exam, bar prep, parenting, summer

posted by Zuska @ 1:20 PM 0 comments

Friday, June 29, 2007

Attempts at Being a Normal Person

My family had to endure the story of the weird legal description question on today's MBE, and how my attempts at drawing the described piece of land resulted in a star-like pattern, and how my friend and I started laughing about it (I think we kept it silent, but due to my ear plugs' messing with my perception of sound, I'm not 100% sure ... I may have snorted) during the test.

It's all I have to talk about: The bar exam.

This week, that's going to change.

Wanna know why?

Because I'm not gonna study. Nope. I'm not. This is my plan:

Saturday
7 or 8 a.m.: Get up and go to the gym
10 a.m.: Come home and shower, say bye to Beloved as he goes to the gym.
11:30: Go with girls to "town" to get J's hair cut (E's not allowed to get her hair cut, no matter how much she begs) at noon. Probably get coffee and frappucinos. Maybe not.
2 p.m. Pick up zipcar, drive to mall.
2:30 p.m. Probably browse around some stores while waiting for my appt. at --
3 p.m.: Take stupid demented lousy crappy fucked up laptop to the Apple store to get the plastic casing replaced (b/c they used shitty plastic on the early MacBooks which tend to get discolored and crack) and to complain about the fact that my fucking computer, which is less than one year old, won't stay asleep, and keeps cycling awake every 30 seconds, even when closed, and therefore running the battery down, and overheating, and pissing me off.
4 p.m. (b/c I'm dreaming that the computer won't take longer than that, since I'm going to be in an Apple store on the weekend that the iPhone is released): come home and get Beloved and go to Target for toilet paper (which us girls go through at a rate of 8x faster than Beloved - at least. Girls.), and to Home Depot, b/c our couch is broked.

uhhh, I don't know what else. But it doesn't include studying.

Sunday:
Gym.
Swimming.
Getting kids together with friends.
Harry Potter 6.

Monday:
BarBri from 9:30 - 12:30 (why oh why do we have to do Professional Responsibility again? It just isn't fair, I mean, seriously. We took that test. We passed it. If we didn't pass it, in MA, we wouldn't be allowed to take this bigger, better, brighter, faster, harder, meaner test. So why the duplicity?).
12:30 - head to the bowling alley.
No, not to study.
Beloved and I are going bowling with our girls.

Tuesday:
I have the day off. I'm spending it with my daughters. I think we're going to swim. And perhaps hang out in a cafe for a while. Maybe we'll watch the Price is Right. Maybe we'll sleep until noon. I'm really not sure yet.
But I doubt I'll study.

Wednesday:
It's the 4th of July. Beloved volunteered to wake and leave early to go stake out a spot on the bank of the Charles River. The girls and I will ... I don't know. Maybe we'll pack up stuff. Maybe he will have already done it. I'm really not sure. But we'll meet him there in the early afternoon, and we'll hang out with the rest of Boston, and we'll go for walks up and down Newbury Street. Then we'll watch pretty explosions in the sky. Then we'll go home.

Thursday:
I have class.
Life sucks.
Then I go home, and I help the girls pack for their father's house.
life sucks.

Friday:
wake at 4 a.m.
get picked up by taxi at 4:30 a.m.
Arrive at airport at 5 a.m.
Put girls on plane at 5:30 a.m.*
Wait in airport until 6 a.m. for plane to take off.
Go home.
Pout.
Go to BarBri for Corporations II with my 2nd least favorite lecturer (the Car Salesman).
Go home.
Start Studying.

Don't stop Studying until July 24th. Or perhaps 25th.

*I'm a little worried about this. They don't want to go. They have both told me on separate occasions that they've decided they're actually not going. J said she was going to break her leg, or somehow become hospitalized (!!!). E said she's just not. getting. on. the. plane. They've never outright rebelled against me on anything, other than a couple of weird fits that they've had, and I came down pretty hard with. But I really fear a scene in the airport. I don't like saying bye to my kids. And if it's going to be dramatic, and difficult, it's going to suck. (duh)

Labels: bar prep, family, kids

posted by Zuska @ 8:24 PM 0 comments

Fakin' it

I packed my bag this a.m., including pencils, BarBri i.d. (which was never checked ... of course), cashews, money. Everything I needed.

I walked down the sidewalk, listening to Crim now, since I haven't really reviewed it in a while. I turned right, up the path. I saw a train go by, and thought "oh, that's okay, I have plenty of time." Then I thought about my Scan Tron form, and how I know I didn't put it in my bag. Shit. Where is it, then? Oh, I remember, I stuck it in my ....... book. The book I'm supposed to bring today for the practice test. The book that I can't participate without. Yeah. It's home.

I only killed 15 minutes. I thought I needed those 15 minutes for my coffee, and I was quite upset to think that now I'd have to be late, since I wasn't about to give up my coffee.

Fortunately, Boston seems to have upped its train frequency in the past few months. Either that, or lots of Bostonians lost their jobs. Or something. Because the trains have just not been as crowded or as unreliable as they were last summer, or this past winter, or any other time that I've been a part of the commuting herds.

I arrived at the destination station in plenty of time to get coffee. I ran into a classmate who was wandering a little confusedly, like me, and wanting me to search for the testing center with her. No, I can't. I am going for COFFEE. Leave me alone!

Then I called my friend who had worked in the area, and said, "Um, I'm sort of lost, but not really, b/c I'm walking toward Starbucks, and that's all I really care about right now." She said, "Zuska, you're a dork, I'll meet you at Starbucks."

I saw her coming down the sidewalk. She was laughing and shaking her head. Even though we'd hung up seven minutes ago. Yes, she was still laughing at ME.

And oh, the test. Yeah. Right. That's what I was there for.

At approximately 11:20, my head started spinning. In that post-essay-writing-I-need-a-break kind of way - where it's hard to focus and such. But I soldiered on (what the hell else was I going to do?) and it passed. I ended the morning feeling okay. I didn't feel like I was failing miserably (HA!), and I thought that despite the 10 minute blip of foggy-headedness, my endurance was ok.

We had a hard time finding lunch. Apparently, this part of town is up-and-coming, but they're not quite there yet. At least not there enough to handle the demands of 1,000s of bar-exam-practicers. We ended up eating slices of pizza on our way back to the testing center. We arrived to find that some rude-heads had taken our seats. Jerks.

The afternoon started with me thinking, "shit, these are harder." I didn't get foggy-headed at all, but I got super bored at approximately 3 p.m. With 50 questions left to answer. So I went and peed.

Turns out, in the morning, when I thought I was doing great, I did worse than in the afternoon, when I felt like the questions were oh-so-hard. Go figure.

All in all, I think it was a fantastic experience. Oddly, this is not sarcasm. We had the benefit of doing our practice exam in the place where the real exam will be, and I think that fact alone was hugely beneficial. I know how to get there. I know where Starbucks is. I know I need to pack a lunch (I already placed my order with Beloved). I also know how it will feel on Day 1 with 200 multiple choice Q's (not so bad), and I know I can sit through it.

I also know that I need to improve dramatically if I'm going to pass, but that according to BarBri stats, it's well within my grasp. I also think I'm going into the wrong field. I freaking rocked crim law. Real Property? the subject we just learned this past with with the world's most annoying lecturer who Lyco and I want to stab with a fork -- man, did I tank. Second worst - Contracts. I know "they" say it's the hardest, but I feel like I understand Contracts. Why do I suck at them? I do not know. Torts is my second best.

I have never before in my life been in a situation where I'm honestly content with 57%.

This is my justification for my happiness with my obvious ignorance and lack of testing skills: If I was within passing range now, a month before the exam, I would spend the next month reading novels and playing goofy computer games. I am a girl who needs some flames lapping at my ass in order to do what needs to be done.

57% is a red-hot flame. (The MA goal is 65%, I want to be at 75% so that I don't feel like one essay blown, or one multiple choice question messed up will mean failure.)

But it's not a blue flame. If I had like, say, 35% ... I may be dying right now.

Also, for anyone who cares, I'm pretty sure I'll have my period during the real bar exam.

In MA, we're not allowed to bring anything to the test that does not fit in a clear ziploc bag, I think the Gallon size. They want to be sure we're not sneaking crib sheets in. Most women are thereby forced to bring their monthly supplies to the testing center while practically screaming I AM BLEEDING TODAY. I, however, am not one of those women. I am able to have my monthly disposals without broadcasting it to the world (ha ha ha! I just wrote it on my blog! I crack myself up.) I highly highly highly recommend this monthly method to all women of the world. Women who have been forced to go up to the perhaps not so close friend and say, "do you happen to have a tampon?" Also, for anyone who may be having a visit from that distant relative in July, and doesn't want the world to know. Or at least thousands of your future colleagues.

Labels: bar exam, bar prep, boston, stress, Zuska the Dork

posted by Zuska @ 7:55 PM 4 comments

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Focus?

Today was the mock essay test. It was so laid back, and people were just wandering in and out, and I only did 3 out of the 5 essays (I outlined the 4th, and totally skipped the 5th, b/c I hadn't even LOOKED at the material for a small subject).

Because of the laid back nature of this stuff, I'm having a really hard time giving two shits about tomorrow.

Which means I'll come home tomorrow absolutely STUNNED because I got 75/200 right, and I'll be crying, and I'll be stressed, and my little gmail tag line will say "I'm going to FAIL the bar exam!"

Eh.

Labels: bar prep, procrastination

posted by Zuska @ 10:18 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Once again, my true priorities shine through

I whined a lot tonight, b/c it was 97,000 degrees outside, and I was strong-armed into going to a concert in a park. It started at 7, but my favorite weather website was still saying it was 92 degrees. It didn't feel so bad outside, though. And I hung out with friends, watched my kids enjoy new people, and oh yeah, there was music in the background :)

I could have been home, struggling with the kids to stop distracting me from studying. I could have been reviewing notes for the subjects that I'm doing mock-essays for tomorrow a.m. I could have been typing up my stupid property notes. I started that, this afternoon, and I also did some property Q's.

But I was not home. I was in a park, being a part of the community, with kids, moms, dads, dogs, and my offspring. It was good.

I'm glad I made the choice I did.

Labels: bar prep, community

posted by Zuska @ 9:10 PM 0 comments

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