Up at the crack of dawn again - only this time, I don't feel like going running. I went to the pool with the kiddos yesterday, and swam laps for 90 minutes. 90 minutes??!! What am I, insane? That was after running in the morning. Tomorrow, I'm going to join the gym (my free-student days are over), and will start going to the gym before BarBri, instead of running. I'm more productive at the gym.

I got out of the pool yesterday and found myself utterly exhausted. I somehow ended up with an extra kid (it had been 2, but the second was old enough to walk herself home earlier for a bday party), and so had to walk her home. My kids' bikes were at their house, so it wasn't so out of the way. But then she wanted to ride bikes with my kids, and her mom isn't the world's best at saying no. Since she ended up coming home with me, I guess either am I. Except when I said yes, her mom was going to bring the kids to the park (because it's her kid who just learned how to ride and needs an adult to feel safe -- not mine), but then last minute, she bailed.

So I brought Harry Potter 6 and some water bottles to a bench in the park. I was too exhausted to work on Torts, anyway.

Then I called my brother and his wife, who I hadn't talked to since I went to visit their baby in CT a MONTH ago.

My mom's been pushing me to go to CT either this weekend (too late!) or next. The only thing that makes me want to is so I can see the baby. But I just don't have time. It stinks when you don't have time to do something like "see a baby" b/c they're only little for a short time! If I don't see the baby until after my trip to Europe (which will be the case unless they come here), he will be almost 4 months old! That's a very different baby than I saw when he was 3 days old.

My Sister In Law said she wants to come here, though, even if it's just for dinner. So maybe I'll get to see him.

Then kid's mom came to pick up her kid, and I ended up bringing her and her kid into the house for dinner. This house which I never have time to clean b/c I'm always studying for the bar.

Beloved wasn't too happy with me b/c 1) the house was a mess; and 2) he was hoping we'd have leftovers for lunches during the week. We aren't used to feeding the kids lunches at home. When they're in school, they eat school lunch (in our school where the push for all-natural and organic foods in the cafeteria makes this a reasonable option), or bring sandwiches from home. But now that they're home every day, we need to really feed them.

I nonetheless brought them home for dinner, and expect that Beloved will 1) get over it, and 2) find a way to become more flexible about bringing friends over. I have hesitated to have people over spontaneously for 3 years now because of the size of our place (tiny), and I'm really tired of it. I want to be walking down the street, run into a friend, and say, "hey! come on over for a cup of coffee!" without worrying that it's gonna piss someone off. So I need him to be more flexible.

The house, really, wasn't even that bad. It was a cluttered, but I swept through in 90 seconds and got the most unsightly taken care of (i.e., a pile of clean, unmatched socks on the living room floor, 3 pairs of shoes, a pile of BarBri answer sheets/books, and a pile of the kids' summer homework). Furthermore, I've been to many people's houses, and their day-to-day lives create the same kind of atmosphere. There are piles on tables, under tables, on counters. Dishes are often dirty in sinks, dirty clothes on bathroom floors. And they don't seem to give a shit.

I received a strange combination of genes from my parents. My mother is a neat-freak. She is the person who will take your cup of coffee from your HAND in order to clean it and put it away. She spent so much time cleaning when I was young, I was convinced that she cared more about cleaning than she did about me.

I somehow responded by having an anti-cleaning gene. That cup of coffee can sit on the floor next to the couch all damned-day without phasing me.

UNLESS

we're having people over (planned guests, this is understandable, it's the quick stop-by guests, or the kids' play-dates or the cable guy that makes me think I'm a bit off). Then - BAM! I need absolute perfection. I want the floors polished, every dish sparkling, every child and/or husband's possession in its place, out of my living room, and shiny. I start looking at places I didn't know existed, and I want them perfect. Under the couch, the side of the fridge that's against the wall, the underneath of the kitchen sink.

And so, if things aren't that way, I feel like I can't have anyone in my house.

I so need to hire someone next year. Although, again, the size of the place embarrasses me, and it seems like too much to ask someone to try and make sense of it all.

Labels: apartment, babies, beloved, friends, weekends

posted by Zuska @ 7:05 AM 4 comments

Friday, June 01, 2007

Calgon? Is that stuff even on the market anymore?

I was thinking, "I'm gonna call my friend J, and whine about how stressed I am." Then I thought, "Beloved's gonna call soon, I'm gonna whine to him about how stressed I am." Then I considered calling my mom, and whining to HER about how stressed I am. Then I thought, "why? I have a blog [for who knows how much longer], I'll whine to it about how stressed I am."

[quick aside: I hate the smell of cigarette smoke more than anything else in the world. I like the smell of skunks. I hate the smell of cologne ... but I hate the smell of cigarette smoke more. So when a collection of boys gather right outside my window and smoke like 17 packs of cigarettes, blowing their nasty-ass smoke into my general direction, I get pissy. I am just that pissy right NOW. At the same time, it gave me an excuse to close the windows and turn on the a/c, which I think was a good thing, since I just went into the bathroom and found two rather round and well-formed droplets of sweat on my face.]

I shouldn't get to complain, b/c despite my stress, I just found 20 minutes to sit at a friend's kitchen table and guzzle a glass of wine while hearing a very brief synopsis of relationship history.

But I am complaining anyway.

5:50 a.m.: Wake up; run around reservoir.
7:00 a.m.: Walk in front door, check on E's morning routine progress; usher kids toward proper clothing and breakfast consumption.
7:30 a.m.: sign a flurry of school notices due to be returned TODAY, or else children will shatter, crack, and likely die.
7:45 a.m.: say bye to children.
7:45:05 a.m.: get in shower
8:14 a.m.: Smile at myself in the mirror in my new [smaller] skirt and cute shoes.
8:25 a.m.: Leave for BarBri
9:10 a.m.: Arrive at BarBri; commence guilty feelings for not finishing the condensing of my notes last night; listen in dread to the lists of tasks completed by my classmates while i was attending "Fun Night" at the kids' elementary school, and helping J with her latest school project, due next Weds., but creating stress now.
9:30 a.m.: Watch video about the torture that will be the MBE Exam.
10:00 a.m.: Think, "Oh my God, I cannot listen to Professor [??] Kaufman talk about Agency and Partnership for more than 3 minutes, b/c his voice and mannerisms are going to make my brain detach from my spinal cord ... or something.
10:10 a.m.: Find myself laughing at Professor Kaufman, and realize that his "performance" is clearly calculated to create triggers in our pathetic brains.
1:10 p.m.: Run out of class to the T station where I am forced to wait until
1:30 p.m.: Get on Train
1:50 p.m.: Arrive in parking garage where zipcar is parked; freak out because parking pass thingy is not in car where it's supposed to be, and I cannot get out of the garage b/c I don't have an entry ticket, b/c I came on foot, and paying for parking without an entry ticket will likely cost upwards of $400 [the monthly fee].
1:52 p.m.: Call Zipcar and think about how utterly helpless they are, try to remember how helpful they were on Monday, wonder why they say, "well, if no one there can help you, call us back" - why? Why not just do whatever it is you would do if I called you back NOW??
1:53 p.m.: Leave garage after pushing "help" button and asking the man to lift the gate. [yeah, that was hard. I'm a dork. As we all know.]
2:03 p.m.: Arrive at public library, 30 feet from elementary school, figure out how to put top down on the Mini named Mim; realize it's too fucking hot for the top to be down, and that I wasted $2/hour on a fancy-pants car when all I really want is a/c.
2:04 p.m.: See E, call her to the car.
2:07 p.m.: Get home, call store to see if shirts are in; make list of items to purchase for tomorrow's bday party.
2:14 p.m.: Leave house.
2:30 p.m.: Arrive at Target, realizing that I have eaten nothing but 2 golf-ball sized nectarines and 20 cherries all day. Realize that I have a headache. Realize that I may pass out.
2:45 p.m. Call other mom who's doing this bday party; run choices by her; get new assignments of things to purchase.
2:55 p.m.: Tell E "sure, go ahead and grab a bag of Peanut M&M's"
3:15 p.m.: Get back in car, having all necessary items (except plain M&Ms, meant for the party, but Target ran out, b/c M&Ms were "buy one get one free"), decide to take E to an art store to get a bday gift for her friend's party which is on Sunday, and to stop at Starbucks for a caffeine-free Frappucino for her, and a venti icey non-fat sugar-less coffee for me.
3:25 p.m.: Realize that I'd eaten entirely too many peanut M&Ms.
3:45 p.m.: Feel a sense of pride at speedy errands as I checked out at the art store and wondered if there's still time for a Stop & Shop run to get ingredients for cookies which I Promised 9 year old's I'd make with them tonight during sleep over extravaganza.
4:15 p.m.: Arrive at home; drop off Target bags and E; look up cookie recipes; make list.
4:30 p.m.: Drop off Zipcar; walk to Stop & Shop; call dr.'s office on the way to make appointments for girls' annual physicals.
4:50 p.m.: Call E, tell her I'm on my way home, and that she needs to do her cello practice; clean her room, and pack her overnight bag so I can drop her off at her friend's house on my way to meet J at soccer where J will be dropped off after acting class, because I need to bring J her cleats, etc.
4:53 p.m.: Receive phone call from E's friend's mom [potential new friend] who wants to "stop by" b/c she's driving past the house and she'll just wait for E while E packs bag. I freak out, tell Potential New Friend that my home is not fit for Human Viewing, and that she cannot come to my house, that I will bring E to her .... later. Potential New Friend informs me that i am, in fact, a freak, and now she wants to be my friend even more. he he he.
5:00 p.m.: Arrive home, scurry around the house picking up, putting away eggs [yes, in that order], coaching E through cello practice; making phone calls re: thunder and lightning and their potential effect on soccer practice and alternate plans for J, who can't be dropped off at home while I'm dropping off E.
5:20 p.m.: Leave house with E.
5:30 p.m.: Arrive at Potential New Friend's House. She pours me a glass of wine. I sit. After sitting for literally 4 minutes, cell phone rings with Alternate Plan Mom [also co-bday party mom] saying, "Can I bring the 9 year olds to your house now?" I somehow put her off for "ten minutes"
5:45 p.m.: Finally leave New Friend's house; practically jog (still in pretty new smaller skirt) to my own house, calling Other Mom saying, "okay!! Bring them over now!" Just hoping that I'll get there before her so I don't have to tell her that I chose to sit and have a glass of wine instead of meeting her at my house 15 minutes ago.
6:00 p.m.: 9 year olds get dropped off. I clean a little, e-mail a little, sweat a little, smell a little cigarette smoke, usher 9 year olds and their damned recorders into the bedroom and close the door, and eventually kick them outside once thunder and lightning are gone and sun is back so they can kick the soccer ball.
6:15 p.m. I write this post.

I still have to do a lot. Beloved's at the store (after work) getting stuff for veggie nachos (veggie in honor of our Kosher 9 year old friend, b/c she can't have the meat and cheese together, and I'd rather give up the meat than the cheese ... although I'd also like meat. I guess Beloved could have cooked it up separate, and just sprinkled it on MY nachos. Damn. I wonder if he'll think of that? This is the kind of thing that he always thinks of. I sit here thinking, "oh, too bad I didn't tell him that," and then he comes home with the same thing in mind, and I gush over how wonderful he is, and how we were clearly made for each other, and that he is truly my soul mate, b/c he read my mind, and made my life perfect.)

I have to make cookies. And I have to make a play list. And I wish I saved this cute new skirt for tomorrow at the party ... but I did not.

Uh, Blogger's having an outage in 2 minutes. I better publish this, and go clean more.

Labels: *E*, *J*, bar exam, bar prep, beloved, birthdays, chaos, friends, housework, parenting, rain, soccer, studies, weather, weekends, whining, zipcar, Zuska the Dork

posted by Zuska @ 6:26 PM 3 comments

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Jerry's Dead

Well, no more Jerry Falwell to complain about or blame for my college experience.

Update: Okay, so - when I first wrote this post, I had another paragraph that said, "I wonder how many people in my current life are reading this story and thinking immediately of ME?" I erased that line/sentiment, b/c I thought "Zuska, you cocky bitch, some man just DIED, and you think people are thinking of you? Get over yourself!"

Since then, I have received 7 e-mails and 4 phone calls "Zuska! Jerry Falwell died!" My friend who just called (sorry fellow library studiers!!) said, "I read the news and I said, 'I have to call my friend! She's my only Jerry Falwell connection!'"

I now feel like I can add my second paragraph into this post. People ARE thinking of me when they read the news. Jerry Falwell = Zuska. At least, since I left that world, and since those people who are in MY world really know very little about Jerry and Liberty University, and since I have educated many people in the realities of the Jerry Falwell Universe.

I may still be a cocky bitch, though.

Update 2: Wow. I just read a blog of an old classmate of mine (from liberty) who just posted this font of sadness over Jerry's passing - talking about how much he respected him, and how he (classmate) "and everyone he hung out with" was so happy to have Jerry on their team when we were there.

Uh. I hung out with this guy - we made fun of Jerry all the time. All The Time. He was a joke. He was this odd omni-presence that we used as a tongue-in-cheek reference whenever we broke the rules (i.e., went to the student center during chapel to take a nap).

I am sorry I cannot link to his blog - because there are many other topics on his blog that I often find surreal - proof that he somehow continues to live in that world, and is raising his poor, poor daughters in that world. I am not really up for him tracking back to MY blog if I ended up a referral for his.

So y'all have to take my word for it.

Labels: family, friends, liberty university

posted by Zuska @ 1:44 PM 2 comments

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Nothing so pretty as dark storm clouds

There's a thunderstorm brewing. It's very pretty to see as it's moving toward us. Beloved is likely less amused, as he's pedaling up toward Whole Foods hoping he can shop faster than thunder and lightning can travel. I was just outside chatting with a friend coming to pick up one of his kids and one of mine, and noticed that the temp felt at least 15 degrees cooler than 30 minutes previous, when I was running around the reservoir. Mmmm. Summer-time weather. Hot and sunny one minute and chilled and dark the next.

Feels like a crazy day, but is really just another typical weekend day with girls the ages of mine with vibrant social lives. J was supposed to have soccer this a.m., but it was thankfully canceled due to saturated fields. Thankfully because without thinking, I'd invited a friend over straight after, and the house (especially the girls' room, which is their job) needed some attention. I was up at 7 to check on the fields, and then laid into the kitchen. Man, I went nuts. I scrubbed and threw away and cleared surfaces and drawers that hadn't been cleared in [forever]. I'm proud of my work. I now need to venture to Bed, Bath and Beyond to get a couple of last organizational tools -- a silverware organizer for the drawer that used to be the "junk drawer;" some bins [I love bins] for on top of the fridge, to collect take-out menus (my best friends) and other odds and ends that accumulate (since I no longer have a junk drawer) - which I will promise to put away each time the bin fills (Beloved is snarfing at me as he reads this, I guarantee it). Stuff like that.

Friends came by while this was going on, caught me up on some of what I missed at a party last night,* dropped off their kid, and impulsively took one of mine. I then finished my cleaning and organizing while the younger girls played and Beloved .... I don't know what he did. But then Beloved and I took the girls for a walk - got them some lunch, got me some coffee, and then went to the bank because Beloved and I decided to take a major step and open a joint bank account!!! We had a long-ish wait, so we took the girls to a very fun game and puzzle store in town. They were excellent everywhere.

Then Beloved and I shoved them out to the park and we went hunting for plane tickets to Europe. Ugh. Things aren't so great in that department, but they'll be fine. We'll just have to come home with fewer goodies.

Then I went for a run, and when I got back, the girls were picked up and Beloved went to the store, and I'm home alone! How fun! I actually have to go and write a 1-2 page memo to go with my IP assignment. It's due Monday. I can't blow it off like I've blown off outlining, which is really not officially due ever.

*This was an entire post that I wrote out last night. It touched on how I feel overwhelmed when confronted with the possibility of changing plans, and it discussed the reasons why I chose to stay home from this particular party, and the reasons why it was important to me that I stick to my reasons ... I don't think I articulated in that lost post that I was also quite honored that 2 friends were really unhappy to hear I wasn't going, and tried to change my mind ... but I was also overwhelmed. It was a good post, and I liked it. But as I was looking for a reference link, Firefox just kind of :::::: poof :::::::: disappeared on me. And I lost the whole post. I thought later perhaps that was good, because the post also had some bitterness in it, bitterness about my itty bitty apartment, and some honesty as to the jealousy that I feel toward those who have magazine-worthy homes. And that bitterness is lost now. But so is some fun dreaming about my future laundry room and my future in-home office.

Labels: friends, kids, law school, life, weather, weekends

posted by Zuska @ 4:37 PM 0 comments

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Sun and Sushi

We've had miserable weather here in New England, probably for a week now. Everyone knows about the Nor'easter that parked itself in our sky, mucking with the marathon, and resulting in a 1 week tax reprieve, right? It was just so gloomy and windy and cold. It certainly didn't feel like April.

Today, however, things are on the mend. It was still sprinkling this a.m., but I bravely said, "fuck it!" and rode my bike to school anyway (first time all week), and didn't even put on rain pants. I was barely damp upon arrival at school, so I wasn't regretful.

When I got out of the gym at noon, however, the sun! It was blinding me! My eyes were not used to such bright and natural light! I went in frantic search for sunglasses as I smiled about how grateful I was that I rode the bike today. If I was on a stinky groaning BUS in this weather, I would have been pissed off!

As of right now, the weathermen are telling us that we're going to have high 70s early next week. Wow.

I'm going out with friends tonight. I feel so ... real. Like a real person. I have friends. We go out. Different friends, even, from those who I pahtied with on Saturday (and how). Spending years moving and moving and divorcing and moving while raising young children wasn't so conducive to making friends. Life feels better this way.

One of my friends asked a couple of us if we were free on Tuesday eve, but I really just wasn't. Beloved and I had plans .... we were getting Shawarmas! And I had a lot of IP reading to do. And it was wet, and cold, and snotty out. I also was waiting to hear if my bar loan application was going to go through, and feeling a little pinched in the wallet. So I said, "no, but can we do Thursday?" And it looks like it's working out.

I love sushi.

Labels: friends, weather

posted by Zuska @ 3:04 PM 0 comments

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Zuska the Insane

Tomorrow is Good Friday. The girls' school decided that due to "low attendance" - they would close the doors. I find the cry of "low attendance" rather silly -- I know zero Christians at the girls' school. There are scores and scores of Jewish folks, and a few Unitarians, and then a bunch of "non-religious" sorts. I seriously think that they give Good Friday off just to make things appear even-Steven after Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah in October. But who are they doing it for? I am not sure. I mean, seriously - the churches in this town have been converted to CONDOS!! That's how NON Christian/Catholic/Episcopal we are around here.

J's "best friend" was looking for a place to spend the day, as her parents have plans. I reluctantly gave up my gym plans -- wherein Beloved and I agreed that the munchkins would hang out with him at work for an hour or so while I go and sweat some more. My friend had something to do that started earlier than would allow what Beloved and I had discussed, though, and she has helped me out in the past (like, when I had my oral argument for Appellate Advocacy last year - sort of important), and I was willing to do the same for her.

As it turns out, Beloved is having tooth issues, and ended up needing to be seen by a dentist on an emergency basis tomorrow morning - so our plans wouldn't have worked out anyway.

Well, I thought E should have something to do, too, so that she didn't spend the day whining at me that she was bored, and it wasn't fair that J got to have a friend over while E had nothing to do.

So she's having a friend over, too.

Have I mentioned that my apartment is small?

I think I will just hide in my bedroom - then some girls can have their bedroom, while others take over the living room.

And there's always the park.

Thank god for sunshine.

I still feel like I need to be wished much luck with tomorrow. Many girls - one adult. Yikes.

Labels: beloved, exercise, friends, kids, weekends

posted by Zuska @ 10:41 PM 0 comments

About Me

Name: zuska
Home:
About Me:
See my complete profile