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| Friday, June 29, 2007 |
| Yesterday, the Future |
yesterday was a fun day.
1) Beloved made our reservations in both Paris and Amsterdam. I am very happy and I am very excited. I am also stunned that it's really so soon. We leave on 7/28. That wouldn't seem so soon (or maybe it would) if betwen now and then weren't this blur of time called the Bar Exam, which will FLY by, and keep me 100% occupied. It will be this looming thing in the future which will cause time to go by fast. I won't want it to go by fast, because I w'll want more time to study, but then, once it is here, and then over- BAM - it's time to get on the plane!
2) We made camping reservations! We're going with the girls in Vermont, on a river, in August. My parents are lending us their car for some time, while they're off in another country, and so the expenses will be so small, I'm okay with going despite the lack of paycheck until October. Kinda funny that if we had found a hotel for $54/night in either of our destination cities mentioned above, it would have been a miracle, yet for 3 nights of camping, $54 is the TOTAL! It helps that we have all the gear. We camped regularly in CA, but haven't managed to make it happen once since law school started. I'm very excited that we're getting to do this - both because I've been craving camping, and because I want to do something fun with the girls when they return.
Once I get past this giant wart on my future, the rest will be quite grand.Labels: bar exam, camping, europe, family, vacation |
posted by Zuska @ 8:45 PM   |
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| Attempts at Being a Normal Person |
My family had to endure the story of the weird legal description question on today's MBE, and how my attempts at drawing the described piece of land resulted in a star-like pattern, and how my friend and I started laughing about it (I think we kept it silent, but due to my ear plugs' messing with my perception of sound, I'm not 100% sure ... I may have snorted) during the test.
It's all I have to talk about: The bar exam.
This week, that's going to change.
Wanna know why?
Because I'm not gonna study. Nope. I'm not. This is my plan:
Saturday
7 or 8 a.m.: Get up and go to the gym
10 a.m.: Come home and shower, say bye to Beloved as he goes to the gym.
11:30: Go with girls to "town" to get J's hair cut (E's not allowed to get her hair cut, no matter how much she begs) at noon. Probably get coffee and frappucinos. Maybe not.
2 p.m. Pick up zipcar, drive to mall.
2:30 p.m. Probably browse around some stores while waiting for my appt. at --
3 p.m.: Take stupid demented lousy crappy fucked up laptop to the Apple store to get the plastic casing replaced (b/c they used shitty plastic on the early MacBooks which tend to get discolored and crack) and to complain about the fact that my fucking computer, which is less than one year old, won't stay asleep, and keeps cycling awake every 30 seconds, even when closed, and therefore running the battery down, and overheating, and pissing me off.
4 p.m. (b/c I'm dreaming that the computer won't take longer than that, since I'm going to be in an Apple store on the weekend that the iPhone is released): come home and get Beloved and go to Target for toilet paper (which us girls go through at a rate of 8x faster than Beloved - at least. Girls.), and to Home Depot, b/c our couch is broked.
uhhh, I don't know what else. But it doesn't include studying.
Sunday:
Gym.
Swimming.
Getting kids together with friends.
Harry Potter 6.
Monday:
BarBri from 9:30 - 12:30 (why oh why do we have to do Professional Responsibility again? It just isn't fair, I mean, seriously. We took that test. We passed it. If we didn't pass it, in MA, we wouldn't be allowed to take this bigger, better, brighter, faster, harder, meaner test. So why the duplicity?).
12:30 - head to the bowling alley.
No, not to study.
Beloved and I are going bowling with our girls.
Tuesday:
I have the day off. I'm spending it with my daughters. I think we're going to swim. And perhaps hang out in a cafe for a while. Maybe we'll watch the Price is Right. Maybe we'll sleep until noon. I'm really not sure yet.
But I doubt I'll study.
Wednesday:
It's the 4th of July. Beloved volunteered to wake and leave early to go stake out a spot on the bank of the Charles River. The girls and I will ... I don't know. Maybe we'll pack up stuff. Maybe he will have already done it. I'm really not sure. But we'll meet him there in the early afternoon, and we'll hang out with the rest of Boston, and we'll go for walks up and down Newbury Street. Then we'll watch pretty explosions in the sky. Then we'll go home.
Thursday:
I have class.
Life sucks.
Then I go home, and I help the girls pack for their father's house.
life sucks.
Friday:
wake at 4 a.m.
get picked up by taxi at 4:30 a.m.
Arrive at airport at 5 a.m.
Put girls on plane at 5:30 a.m.*
Wait in airport until 6 a.m. for plane to take off.
Go home.
Pout.
Go to BarBri for Corporations II with my 2nd least favorite lecturer (the Car Salesman).
Go home.
Start Studying.
Don't stop Studying until July 24th. Or perhaps 25th.
*I'm a little worried about this. They don't want to go. They have both told me on separate occasions that they've decided they're actually not going. J said she was going to break her leg, or somehow become hospitalized (!!!). E said she's just not. getting. on. the. plane. They've never outright rebelled against me on anything, other than a couple of weird fits that they've had, and I came down pretty hard with. But I really fear a scene in the airport. I don't like saying bye to my kids. And if it's going to be dramatic, and difficult, it's going to suck. (duh)Labels: bar prep, family, kids |
| posted by Zuska @ 8:24 PM |
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| Sunday, June 03, 2007 |
| Woman on the Verge .... |
Yeah, I think I may have a nervous breakdown.
J's party went well. Beloved ran the tie-dye station, and he was utterly amazing. He used to teach art in high schools and middle schools, and it really showed. He was so organized, and prepared, and did a fantastic job. I was very impressed.
We ended up staying at our friends' house until after 10, and left J there. We had to make a bargain with her and her BFF that if they would not insist on sitting next to each other and having each other for partners the entire time (remember, it was a joint birthday party - our thinking was that if they were stuck to each other like glue, then it wouldn't be fun for the other kids, who would want to be with the "birthday girl"), then they could have a sleepover.
Honestly, that's not the kind of bargain I usually make with my kids. But I wasn't the only mom in the room or the situation. I usually say, "Either you be a good hostess and participate equally with all of your guests, or you will not only have no party next year, but you will also miss the other birthday parties that are coming up this year." Instead, she got a sleepover with her BFF. And more --- they're off getting manicures this morning! Geez. That's some birthday weekend!
The prep for the party, though, really took it out of me. We left there late last night, and got home with only E, who was upset about a movie she'd seen at a different friend's house that had to do with a father and child reconciling after years of a difficult relationship. She was upset that she doesn't think she can reconcile with her father ... that it's "impossible." That opened up a giant can of worms, and those worms grew to the size of the biggest snakes in the entire universe - not only the universe in reality, but the universe of all imaginations everywhere. Which means a lto of stuff got dredged up, and I ended up in bed at midnight, tossing and turning with angst over the situation.
I just f ind myself on hte verge of tears this morning. I woke up on Friday with a slight tweak in my back, along my left shoulder blade. IT wasn't too bad ... but then when I got in bed Friday night, I found it hurting a lot. It's an odd pain in that it hurts most when I'm lying down. I woke up on Saturday with severe pain, now on both sides of my spine, next to both shoulder blades, and a shitty night's sleep, b/c every time I turned my head or tried to roll over, the pain twinged.
Last night, it was worse, and this a.m., I'm having a hard time doing most normal tasks. Including moving my head or arms.
I also am awake to the realization that I should spend the entire day doing BarBri stuff, that I'm behind, and that it sucks.
I just feel like all the stress of the past 2 weeks is manifesting itself in my shoulders and my tear ducts, and I kind of want to hide under a rock and dissolve.
It probably doesn't help that waking at 7 with the little ones yesterday, and then at 8 to bring E to a make up cello lesson today resulted in no exercise this weekend. Sure, I could go for a run now, instead of studying for the bar exam. While unable to move my arms or my head. But I think I'm better off studying.
I was going to go to the library today to do my work, but J has a project due this week, and I'm supposed to help her with that, and I am not sure I can just disappear.
Groan moan groan cry ow.Labels: bar prep, birthdays, exercise, family, health, stress, weekends, whining |
| posted by Zuska @ 11:29 AM |
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| Tuesday, May 15, 2007 |
| Jerry's Dead |
Well, no more Jerry Falwell to complain about or blame for my college experience.
Update: Okay, so - when I first wrote this post, I had another paragraph that said, "I wonder how many people in my current life are reading this story and thinking immediately of ME?" I erased that line/sentiment, b/c I thought "Zuska, you cocky bitch, some man just DIED, and you think people are thinking of you? Get over yourself!"
Since then, I have received 7 e-mails and 4 phone calls "Zuska! Jerry Falwell died!" My friend who just called (sorry fellow library studiers!!) said, "I read the news and I said, 'I have to call my friend! She's my only Jerry Falwell connection!'"
I now feel like I can add my second paragraph into this post. People ARE thinking of me when they read the news. Jerry Falwell = Zuska. At least, since I left that world, and since those people who are in MY world really know very little about Jerry and Liberty University, and since I have educated many people in the realities of the Jerry Falwell Universe.
I may still be a cocky bitch, though.
Update 2: Wow. I just read a blog of an old classmate of mine (from liberty) who just posted this font of sadness over Jerry's passing - talking about how much he respected him, and how he (classmate) "and everyone he hung out with" was so happy to have Jerry on their team when we were there.
Uh. I hung out with this guy - we made fun of Jerry all the time. All The Time. He was a joke. He was this odd omni-presence that we used as a tongue-in-cheek reference whenever we broke the rules (i.e., went to the student center during chapel to take a nap).
I am sorry I cannot link to his blog - because there are many other topics on his blog that I often find surreal - proof that he somehow continues to live in that world, and is raising his poor, poor daughters in that world. I am not really up for him tracking back to MY blog if I ended up a referral for his.
So y'all have to take my word for it.Labels: family, friends, liberty university |
| posted by Zuska @ 1:44 PM |
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| Wednesday, May 02, 2007 |
| is it really about "childcare"? |
New article in the Globe today re: a new study being released on women in law firms.
Something that frustrates me: the constant reference to childcare responsibilities. This article claims that the fact that women associates are leaving the firms at a rate of 35%, and men at 18% (higher for those with children) proves that women continue to shoulder the bulk of childcare responsibilities.
I disagree that "childcare" is the only consideration. I know of several husbands - especialy of younger women - who share the burdens equally. It's not just about finding someone to make sure the kids are supervised.
There is also this thing called a "relationship" with your child? You know - seeing them now and again, knowing who their friends are, enjoying their senses of humor.
My friends at Future Firm often looked at my life longingly.
"You're so lucky you already have kids, you have it made." Because I don't need maternity leave - ever. I don't need to worry about full time childcare or nannies or what to do after a part-time preschool program.
But I have existing relationships with my kids. Just because I have older kids who can walk to/from school on their own does not mean I have the license to disappear from their lives. Just because my husband works part-time and writes in our home does not mean that I am a negligible presence who can just work 20 hours a day.
So while looking for solutions, I don't think a nanny training camp is gonna cut it. On-site childcare works to a point - but school age children need their mommas, too, and their mommas need their kids.
I remain optimistic about Future Firm, and hold dearly to it's very high ranking on the "top 25 best firms for women" and on the lifestyle firm lists. That comes primarily from its flexibility in allowing attorneys to work at home and it's slogan that there is no "face time."
I also am optimistic that these conversations that are going on in the media and otherwise will influence the firms, and make it so that I don't get fired on account of my, "I'm going home for dinner, and will get this done from home this evening. See ya."Labels: family, firm life, lawyers, work-life balance |
| posted by Zuska @ 7:17 AM |
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| Tuesday, May 01, 2007 |
| Contentment |
I certainly have the growing pains that come with life in general -- kids getting older; careers moving forward; the end of school.
Besides those things, I am really so content right now.
This morning, I was looking for my summer slides; the brown leather Clarke's that I love, and was happy to remember as I donned my new [smaller size] brown capris and white t-shirt. While rifling through the floor of my closet, strewn with winter boots and shirts that fell off hangers, I came across a bag that holds 2 unfinished cross-stitch projects and one journal.
It used to hold more journals.
When I was married to the ex, and started these cross-stitch projects, I used the bag as a journal-hiding-spot.
I used to write in the journals often -- I wrote about my loneliness; I wrote about the lack of trust I had in my husband; I wrote about the loveless marriage I was stuck in.
Right now, this blog is pretty much my only journal. I have others. They're near my bed. Every now and then I pick one up and write goofy things, like "2nd year of law school; I'm busy; girls are great; Beloved is great ...." and then I put it back down, bc really, the old reason for journals - privately complaining about my misery - just doesn't exist anymore.
I also found myself looking around the other day at some of the tumultuous times that people in my community are going through - possible divorce; health issues; angst over different loves; etc., and I thought - wow. I'm okay right now. At so many points in my life, I had something going on - something hard. Right now .... not so much.
I thank Beloved for this, because I am very happy with him, and I love our life ... but I also thank myself. I am grateful that I got out of my unhappy situation. And that I found the things that make me happy. Things that make life peaceful. Things that give my kids a happy place to call home, and that can shape them into responsible, respectful and contributory people.
:)Labels: family, life |
| posted by Zuska @ 8:44 PM |
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| Sunday, April 01, 2007 |
| Redemption |
On Friday, I came up with a new weekend schedule. It involved sleep and exercise, because the old patterns weren't working. This was the old pattern:
Stay up late on Friday night with Beloved; sleep as late as possible on Saturdays (typically 9 or 9:30, when the "can ___ come over for a playdate?" phone calls start rolling in); stay up late on Saturdays with Beloved; sleep RIDICULOUSLY late on Sundays (i.e., 10 or 10:30); stay up late on Sundays, despite my presence in bed, tossing and turning and wishing I were asleep, with the knowledge that I have to be up early on Monday; wake up early on Monday, and spend the day miserably tired.
Note that there is no exercise in there --- not just because the above paragraph tends to talk more about sleep patterns, but because I typically start off a weekend with good intentions, but find my time full without fitting it in. My weekends are full of good and important things, so I generally don't beat myself up about it too much. Things like time with kids; housework; time with kids; school work (ha!); cello lessons; time with kids; transporting kids; time with Beloved; plays; time with kids; etc.
Friday, though, I thought I would try something that would hopefully get exercise into the weekend AND adjust the sleep patterns.
I thought - stay up late on Friday night with Beloved; sleep late on Saturday a.m.; do not even TRY to exercise on Saturday - it's a day off. Enjoy doing other things without guilt.
Stay up late on Saturday with Beloved (or in this weekend's case - out with friends); but GET UP EARLY on Sunday - I was thinking not too early - perhaps 7:30 or 8. Still later than during the week, but early enough that I could ride the bike to the gym, work out, ride the bike home, and still be back in time to start the day with the kids (they sleep later, and often wake up and just read for an hour or so on the weekends).
That way, I'd be tired on Sunday instead of Monday, and be able to get into bed early on Sunday without difficulty.
Unfortunately ----
Even though I felt invigorating by my pants and skirts last night ---
I got up at 9:45.
And since E and I had to leave for cello lessons at 11:30 -- There was no time to go to the gym.
While E was getting ready for cello, a friend of hers called and asked her to go with her and her family to the movies. (This time to Meet the Robinsons -- Yesterday I took her to see The Last Mimzy.) She is the one who complains if I leave to work out on the weekends, and why I try to fit it in during the wee hours (by our family's standards). So I asked Beloved if he would mind if I took an hour out of the afternoon. He said no. J said no. They made plans to do other fun things together.
So I took E to her cello lesson, read IP in a Dunkin Donuts while she was musically edified, took her to her friend's house, walked home, took a few quizzes, and then went for a run.
It was interesting today, because I decided, in the interest of time, to do my old running route here at home, rather than go to the gym. We have intense stair paths, hilly roads, and a reservoir with a well-manicured path around it. The combination, I think, makes for a good, diverse work out.
I used to jog the stair paths, quickly walk the hilly sidewalks (mostly b/c I'm old and running on the root-ravaged sidewalks is sort of dangerous on a foot that has been twice injured), and then did one lap around the reservoir switching b/t walking and jogging.
TODAY, however, I changed it a wee bit. I ran around the reservoir - with no walking - TWICE. I really felt the difference in my abilities from my time in the gym this past month, and it felt great. The weather was wonderful (50 and sunny), and lots of people were out enjoying the day and some exercise. I was tempted to go around a third time, but was afraid E would call needing to be picked up, and the phone would ring into emptiness.
I am considering alternating b/t outdoors and the gym more often. I felt a different pull on my muscles being outside and doing real running, and it's likely good for me to keep it mixed up a bit.
Beautiful day!
Now I'm gonna go fuck it up with stupid laundry. And kitchen cleaning. Damn.Labels: exercise, family, kids, weekends |
| posted by Zuska @ 3:20 PM |
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| Sunday, February 25, 2007 |
| Famberly Back Together |
Sigh. The girls are home. The world is normal again.
Beloved and I had a fine ride to my parents' yesterday, and the ex was even a little early. Therefore, we were able to get on the road toward home even earlier. The girls were in great spirits, starving for vegetables (as usual after eating nothing but noodles while at their dad's), and a wee hyper. The drive home was also without incident.
Two bad things happened:
- We decided to go shopping for some things around the house, and had picked out waht we wanted on line --- excited to find just what we wanted (frames for wall hangings) and drove there special to purchase the perfect items. We got there, and of course, they were sold out. Beloved was quite bummed.
- While parking the zipcar in a non-spot which still counts as off the street (there's no on-street overnight parking in my town), we got too close to a tree, and it dented the fender on the car. We are on zipcar's insurance, but it has a $500 deductible. I looked at their website, and it said that we have to pay for up to $500 of planned, presumed, or estimated costs - regardless of whether a claim is filed. So they really could look at that and just pick a number any number under $500 -- regardless of what it actually costs to fix? The paint isn't scratched or damaged, and I think it can be just pulled out with one of those suction dent-puller things. I hope it doesn't end up costing $500. (Since I just got my last paycheck until September or October.)
Today I spent some 1:1 time with each girl in turn. J. and I went for a walk to get some moisturizing body wash for the girls (they hate using my bar soap) and some of "her kind" of shampoo (they have different preferences). We stopped at 2 open houses, at Starbucks for hot cocoa and coffee, and otherwise wandered around a couple of neighborhoods for a little while. She was a lot of fun. More on the open houses to follow.
E. and I went to Target to get her more undergarments, and somehow spent $114. On what? I have no freaking clue. We got paper towels, napkins, toothbrushes, Organic Frosted Mini Wheats (for her), under garments for each of us, watches for the girls (but they were $12 each) --- oh, and things to hold E.'s short hair out of her eyes. Does that really sound like $114?
When I returned the Zipcar after the Target Run, I was doing the usual sweep for trash and personal belongings, and I found some headphones under hte passenger seat. When I pulled them out to put in the glove box, I found that they were attached to an iPod Nano. So I had TWO things to report to Zipcar.
We are happy that they're back home.Labels: family, kids, weekends |
| posted by Zuska @ 5:26 PM |
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| Monday, February 19, 2007 |
| The Wedding Dinner |
Well, that actually went well! Dinner was casual and yummy. We had a champagne toast at my folks' house before we went to dinner where my dad welcomed Beloved to "the family" and my brother and sister-in-law were congratulatory. My parents gave us a monetary gift -- I can't decide if I'll use it to open a savings account for our trip to Europe (it won't cover even one ticket) or if we'll use it to go out to dinner and do a few small things around the house.
My mother didn't even try to take pictures out by a gazebo (which was really a dumb idea, since it was 10 degrees outside and the ground was covered with ice), and while we did have cake afterward, it was a perfectly normal dessert with no requests for Beloved and I to shove it into each other's mouths.
So it was good.Labels: family, wedding |
| posted by Zuska @ 9:43 PM |
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| Saturday, February 17, 2007 |
| Basking in the glow ... |
of my sister's presence.
We arrived later than we wanted to last night - 11 instead of 9:30. I was actually stupid for thinking we'd be here earlier. It would have required me to have bags packed and ready by the door when I walked in from work yesterday. That was so far from the case. I hadn't even THOUGHT about getting suitcases down.
We didn't leave until close to 7:30, instead of 6:30, and then hit more traffic than we expected. I sort of forgot if the girls have the week off next week, so does everyone else. And all of those everyone elses are leaving the state for a week of fun in the sun - i mean snow.
I brought some work home with me. Why? I didn't even bring the articles and cases to my parents' house (oversight). I suppose if I end up sleeping less than others (ha!) then I'll have a chance to look at stuff, but I doubt it. Maybe Monday when Beloved and I get home, he'll want to do some things, and I can work.
But we also have 2 Netflix envelopes sitting on the t.v. ... one of them is the Departed, which I've been trying to see for MONTH.Labels: family |
| posted by Zuska @ 11:45 AM |
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| Thursday, January 04, 2007 |
| top of the mornin' |
I arrived at work today to a flurry of e-mails and things to do RIGHT AWAY. So my recent routine of blogging from work before I get the sleepies out of my system was broken.
I sent e. off to school with 2 quarters so she can call me from the pay phone after her audition. I'm so excited for her, it isn't normal.
I spoke to my brother and his wife last night - she had her big ultrasound yesterday, and they most definitely saw a Penis. So I will have another nephew, and I will continue to be the sole holder of girl grandbabies for my parents. My sister-in-law was shocked, as she really thought she'd be having a girl. She asked me if I had any "feelings" when I was pregnant - and the answer was honestly - No. I wanted boys both times. I thought having my oldest child as a boy would be cool. e. is not a boy, and once I knew that, I was more than thrilled to have a girl. Then I HAD a girl, so upon impregnation with j., I hoped she was a boy. Nope. Again, once I knew, I was more than fine with it.
I think I was too busy puking in the first part of the pregnancy to feel anything about either baby. All I could FEEL was the churning stomach acids ... 24 hours a day. Ugh.
Now they have to fight over names. I asked my brother if he was going to "pull a dad" - which means that after having a name chosen for months on end, crying and pleading in the delivery room to his wife to PLEASE allow the baby to be given his name? He said no, he won't. But that he was considering something like "Trip." (My brother is not a true "junior" as he and my dad have different middle names.) Although now that I think of it, if they aren't giving him the same first name (David), how can he be a Trip or Trey? huh. He's not the third male ... b/c, uh, my dad had a dad. So did his dad. Maybe it's just my brother's way of calling his kid "Junior." I don't know.
Anyway - he was considering Trip, but decided it would be nothing but fodder for jokes. I told him - so name him something Normal, and then call him whatever you want until he says, "Dad, shut up, my name is [something normal]. I think the chances of my brother choosing "something normal" are slim. He said he wants something that will really stand out when said by the announcers at football games.
Other than the Penis, the baby is perfectly healthy and developing wonderfully. My brother was over 10 pounds when he was born ... he is 6'5" and a lot of pounds now. His wife is 5'2" and I think before she got pregnant, she was likely at around 100 pounds. So I hope for her that her son is not too much like his father size-wise at birth.
I am surprised by my excitement over this baby. My brother more than gets on my nerves, but yet - this is fun. Maybe b/c my own "babies" are far enough behind me now, and I'm confident enough that no more will be popping out of MY uterus, that I can enjoy this in a new way. New, b/c it isn't, "oh, I wonder if *I* want to do that again?" or even the older thoughts of, "I can't wait until it's MY turn to have a baby." None of my excitement has to do with my hopes or jealousies or curiosities.
It's practice for when I'm getting ready to be a grandma.
Oh geez. I can't believe I just said that. I have to go do some work now.Labels: family |
| posted by Zuska @ 9:12 AM |
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| Tuesday, January 02, 2007 |
| First Day |
New Years Day was good. Very mellow, but good. No fighting, no unhappiness (until bedtime, but that's a given on the last night of vacation with my non-sleeper e. in the house).
We watched the 2 movies we couldn't fit in on New Year's Eve: the Cat From Outer Space and Raiders of the Lost Ark. On the Eve, we saw Pirates II, The Love Bug Rides Again, and Thunderball (Sean Connery James Bond). We didn't really play any games. The girls played Stratego first, and I was set to play winner (j.), but my parents called, and they had set up their new MacBook, and we were fussing with video chat. j. got frustrated that our game was delayed and that our efforts at not seeing each other's pieces was keeping her from playing with her grandparents and cleaned the game up.
I also read around 200 pages of my book group book. I think I have to read until midnight tonight and tomorrow in order to finish the rest. I'm enjoying the book, which helps. It's American Pastoral by Philip Roth. Roth is very talky. His parentheticals are like 4 pages long, instead of a few words. But it's not bad.
Now, it's back to work. HUH?? I have to go to work???Labels: book group, family, holidays |
| posted by Zuska @ 6:18 AM |
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| Sunday, November 26, 2006 |
| why there were only 14 items |
last night, at my parents' house, my brother and his wife decided that my children, my parents, and i were worthy enough to be graced with 2 entire hours of their time. that in and of itself was amazing, and i am not sure it has EVER happened before. he lives literally around the corner from my parents, and rarely ever has time to see them .... unless he needs money or some other favor. several times my family has come from the Boston area, and he has been "too busy" to come by and say hello. or he'll come in the house to ask my father something, and then leave without saying a word to me or mine.
but last night, he was there.
the girls were coming from the place that their father is living this year, but they had gotten stuck in traffic. so us adults (brother, mother, father, sister-in-law and myself -- beloved had stayed in boston this time) had dinner while we waited for the phone call that i was to go meet the schlurg.
my brother started discussing a cousin of ours, who just left her husband for the 2nd time, and hopefully for good (yes, those of us who share blood make bad choices for first husbands, what can i say???). my brother started going on and on about how we needed to call her and to go see her, b/c she is our *family* and it's so important to support our *family.* he truly would not quit. my mother was kind of poo-pooing him, and my father was oddly silent (oddly b/c it seemed as though my brother's tirade was actually focused at my father, sort of reprimanding him for not calling my cousin already, and telling him all the reasons why he should).
the phone then rang, and it was time to make the 5 minute drive to go meet my ex and get my kids.
my dad came with me.
this is also odd - my dad has many many many feelings of dislike - even hatred - for my ex. why would he choose to come and be in close proximity? i am in zero danger from my ex - we didn't have that kind of marriage. so why is he coming?
we got in the car:
Me: man, i love the way my brother is so concerned about supporting family now. where the hell was he with all his phone calls and "support" when i left my ex? or when [sis] left hers?
Dad: nowhere, that's where he was. and he's not interested in family now, all he wants is a reason to get in a fight.
Me: i think he likes the romantic notion of being a chivalrous cousin.
Dad: he doesn't give a shit about family when it's about speaking to your mother like she's a human being, or about spending some time with your parents who live around the corner from him. i'm telling you - he wants to get in a fight.
apparently - my cousin's husband is believed to have been abusive. no one really knows, though. apparently, also, my brother has already said that he and my father should show up at the husband's door and "beat the shit out of him." my father, apparently, thinks my brother is pretty much an ass, and would rather find a way to crawl under a rock and claim that, despite the fact that they have the same name, my brother is not his son.
then i got my kids. we came back. the girls were sitting next to me, eating their dinner. my brother was sitting across from me.
brother: so where is [ex] working right now?
me: [place closer than he used to be]
brother: so is he teaching there?
me: no, he has a research fellowship.
brother: [snort, laugh, guffaw] a research fellowship? what the fuck is that? it sounds gay. how gay is that? jeez, that's gay.
me: [brother], do not say that - this is inappropriate.
brother: no it's not inappropriate - that's gay. what a gay job. he is so fucking gay.
me: you need to shut up [also making faces and hand motions toward the girls - at which he laughed].
brother: well, it is gay, and you know it.
!!!!!!!!!!!!
my KIDS!!! i *never ever ever ever ever* talk negatively about their father.
i also *never ever ever ever ever* talk negatively about homosexuality - b/c here, to my brother gay=stupid. it has nothing to do with homosexuality. apparently, it's just this random insult which he feels is appropriate.
my kids don't know it that way though. they were confused as to why their uncle thinks their father is gay, since they know he is a man who is married to a woman shortly after dating another woman, shortly after being married to another woman, who is their mother.
i needed to go back over the issue with the girls later:
"remember all the times i've talked about how obnoxious your uncle is? well, this is an example of that, and has nothing to do with your father. your father has a very good job, and it's something to be proud of. also, when your uncle says "gay" - he does not mean "gay" - he means "stupid." It is wrong of your uncle to use that word in that way, it is not stupid to be gay, and using one word for the other is disrespectful and hateful toward those who are gay."
j. was very sad and had tears in her eyes, and e. shrugged and said, "yeah, i know" and left.
my brother is having a baby!!! how can this be? how can his wife DO this?
oh, and the final irritating thing, him and his wife sitting at the table (before the kids got there), blatantly making fun of me for being a lawyer, and talking about me in the third person in condescending and fucking obnoxious ways. his wife is not the mean bully that my brother is, but she's made out of nothing but surface-stuff, and she has little of substance to add to any conversation.
my brother went from talking about my cousin (or something else) to looking at me and saying, "that's a nice sweater. you look like a lawyer" (with a weird baby-talk tone). his wife says, "oh, i know, doesn't she look so good? i love her haircut, and that is such a nice sweater she's wearing" (she was sitting 2 feet from me). my brother went on and on about how even though i haven't graduated law school, i'm still a "lawyer" to him.
asshole.Labels: brother, ex-relations, family, holidays, kids |
| posted by Zuska @ 2:51 PM |
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| Thursday, November 23, 2006 |
| the kids are safe and sound, elsewhere |
beloved and i had dinner with my parents last night. it was 100% the best meal we've had with them EVER, i think. my father was not offensive, my mother was not annoying. she only used ONE cliche. she was talking about my hair, and said, "yeah, it's short for a minute, but it grows so fast, just wait a minute, and it will be long again. just like the weather in new england, if you don't like it, just wait a minute."
i have complained many a time that EVERY REGION in this country (except, perhaps, the southwest desert regions) uses that cliche. "you know what they say in Alabama, if you don't like the weather, just wait a minute." "you know what they said in Virginia, if you don't like weather, just wait a minute." "well, you know we have a saying here in Florida, if you don't like the weather, just wait a minute."
but otherwise, we had good conversations and a good time. the food truly was fantastic, too.
schlurg and i were both late, though. 2+ hours late. yes, we had *that* much traffic. beloved and i arrived at our meeting spot at 5:45 (the meeting time was 4), and the schlurg was about 20 minutes away. he then got off the exit, but had forgotten my directions at home, and didn't know his way around the city streets. he was angry at me for "not helping." but i don't live in that town, that state --- i don't know my way around the city streets.
jesus, hasn't he ever heard of mapquest? hasn't he ever thoguht about taking care of his own damned self?
but it was truly fine, and not an issue.
the girls were, as usual, very good in the car. they both listened to their ipods for a while - but j. got sick of it, and started to play around, and made my fingers dance to the music on the radio, but e. listened to a book on tape on her pod, and fell asleep to it, for a couple of hours. considering that the drive was twice as long as it should have been - they were great.
as i had said, my mom did not understand my desire for later dinner reservations. since we were meeting the ex at 4, she thought we should have 5:00 reservations. guess what? when my dad and i drove by the restaurant on the way to meet hte schlurg at the location which he was lost, we dropped beloved and mom off at the restaurant to get the table - it was 6:29. dad and i got there at 6:40.
our dinner was at a relatively posh italian restaurant. man, my parents have changed since i was little. this restuarant was Summer Associate quality. and my parents ordered 4 courses. which is one more than Summer Associate stuff. we had 2 appetizers for the table, then a soup/salad course. we shared a lot of stuff, which was very cool, and since i was still incredibly full, a very good idea.
very yummy.
the traffic on the way back was lighter than light, and we had a quick drive, and got home at .... uh .... 11:30.
next post: today's menu and my list of thankfuls.Labels: ex-relations, family, food, holidays, mom |
| posted by Zuska @ 10:16 AM |
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| Monday, November 20, 2006 |
| my first day off |
today was mostly spent on the field trip.
i know that i recently was begging for colder weather,
but .... uh ....
i could have appreciated it more if it came, oh, say, tomorrow?
we went to this wolf sanctuary in far-off town in our state. we all sat outside, on this wooden deck, under an awning. the sun was not out. we just came off this stretch of 60 degree weather, and while almost everyone had on their warmest winter coat, and almost everyone had gloves .... we didn't have all the fixins, and we needed them. i wished i brought my beautiful wool indian scarf that beloved bought me last year. i was so cold. all the kids were so cold.
but we all survived. and the kids all got to fake-howl, and they made the wolves howl, and it was cool.
the bus driver we had was a bit of a trip. he got lost. several times. we crossed the charles river SIX TIMES today - 5 of them on the way there. we should have crossed ONCE. hello? how can you get paid to drive people around the state, and not know your way out of the city in which you LIVE? i mean, come ON. i guess considering the taxi drivers that i have been subject to, i should not be surprised. but i was. b/c my kid was in the very back seat, and i was in the third seat from the front, and this guy's ignorance made it entirely possible that we would be separated .... permanently.
we did return safely to the school, and the kids went back to school, and i went home "to go for a run" and instead, i fell asleep on the couch.
but then i went for a fun walk into town to buy a bunch of bottles of wine and such for the holiday.
and then i picked up the kids.
really, i had so little responsibility today - it felt great. i was a rider on the bus. the kids were the focus, and i was just there to keep people from getting hurt and/or lost.
tomorrow (day off #2 -- let's see how much i accomplish)
1) go for a run
2) go get my driver's license
3) go to social security office to change my name (i.e., erase married name)
4) go to school to submit my writing requirement
5) go to town hall in my town to apply for new passport b/c of stupid old married name and me wanting to get married in Canada in approx 2 months;
6) go get my hair CHOPPED OFF
7) go home and cook a roast
8) pick up kids
9) finish the damned roast
10) eat with the fam
11) make muffins with the kidlets
12) sleep? maybe? hopefully?
This is a day OFF??Labels: cooking, family, food, marriage, parenting, wedding |
| posted by Zuska @ 8:13 PM |
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| Monday, November 06, 2006 |
| a flop |
well, the apartment wasn't so hot. it would be nice to have the extra rooms that it offers, but the rooms we already have (living room, for example) are much smaller there than they are here. Which means we wouldn't get the benefit of extra rooms, because they would instantly be full of our stuff that doesn't fit into the rooms that we already do have.
the agent who showed us the place knows our building well. he said he thinks we have about 1000 square feet now, and that the new one is 1200.
we also didn't like the set up. we would miss our open floor plan, and end up trading it for basically a single hallway with a bunch of little rooms coming off of it. the kitchen was awful, and although it's advertised as an "eat in kitchen" - it has this built in shelf/table thing that is meant to seat 2. The 4 of us could not eat there. Then there was this odd room off the kitchen that would fit our table, but i'm not sure we could all fit in there with it, and if we could, we'd feel like we were eating in a closet. Furthermore, when you walk in the buliding and look down the hallway, all you see are the old crusty washer and dryer .... not fun.
what i loved about it .... the front stairway belongs solely to the third floor (the one we were looking at) and there was a pretty big area at the foot of the stairs, which locks and only we would have access to ... where bikes could be stored, and which we could use as a mudroom.
oh well.
i am down about it. i don't want to move there. There's no way that once I start making Firm Money I would want to stay in that apartment, and we're not up for moving twice in 2 years. No freaking way. but i do feel so cramped. I know I'm a whiner and a baby and a brat, but I would love to get the girls their own room, and us a study, and a mud room wouldn't hurt, either.
perhaps i just need to stop going to other people's houses.Labels: apartment, family, housing, rent |
| posted by Zuska @ 8:16 PM |
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