Laura over at WonL just wrote a goodbye letter. It makes me feel quite sad. I will hold out hope that she will start up elsewhere, and that she'll let me follow her - the sadness isn't just about her. It's because, well, I know a lot of the blogs I've been reading are going to do the same. I am going to do the same. I just don't know how yet. I am CERTAIN that I will be here through the bar exam. But then what? Do I leave my archives up? Do I change my name? Do I let everyone who reads this follow me to that?

I think I have to be more selective than that. Which sucks. Because I like my daily hits. I'll have to start building a whole new readership.

What kind of readership? Mommy readership? I'm not sure I'm Mommy-ish enough for that. I read this thing on Alpha moms v. Slacker Moms ... I know for a FACT that I am a slacker mom (defined as those who forget to hand in field trip permission slips and occasionally forget when it's there turn to bring the damned orange slices). I don't think slacker-moms get to have Mommy blogs. [Ooh! Maybe that's my calling! Starting the new wave of slacker-mom blogs. I bet we all work.]

And - it's super sad because it means law school is ending. IT was fun to come across a blogging world of people in law school. I mean, it is a pretty damned unique experience, and having those who understand to rant toward probably helped Beloved to survive the experience.

I like law school.

Which may explain why I'm taking 7 hours to finish this last take home, when it should have taken 3. I just don't want it to end.

I decided today that it's likely that I will cry at graduation. And then I started to think about how dumb that will look. This old woman, old enough to be everyone's mother (okay, okay, so that's not true --- but maybe too old to be an older sister? No. Not really. I could be the older sister) sobbing like a baby.

I am happy, too, of course.

But right now, I'm more sad. Perhaps if I go and focus on the international law regime's effectiveness or ineffectiveness in protecting the environment I'll feel less sad.

Or more sad.

Damn. I need to shut up so I can write a real goodbye letter later, and not have it be all repetitive and boring.

And so I can write my fucking take home exam!!! (900 words to go!!)

Labels: emotions, exams, law school, starting over

posted by Zuska @ 2:07 PM 3 comments

More on the Disgustingness of Others

It's really unfortunate that I've been finding that this quarter, I work best in the law school library. Reason being that people in law school are really gross. I mean, a couple weeks ago, there was the gum chewer. Now there's this dude who has a cold, and is constantly coughing crap up, and moaning and groaning while breathing (mouth breathing, nonetheless), and just being generally disgusting. Really really disgusting. He wasn't here when I got here. Or else I would have sat elsewhere. Now I have papers and books strewn about my cubicle, and I don't want to get up and move just because he has a bug. Geez.

I used to study in my town's library. It's bigger, and things are a little less cozy. Also, I think people get less confused, thinking that they're actually in their living room - or perhaps even their bathroom - like they tend to do here in the law school library.

I am now at 1,000 words. I need 1500 more.

Labels: exams, law school

posted by Zuska @ 12:35 PM 4 comments

Now it's 11:30 a.m., and I just hit the library. No one stole or mangled my bike overnight, which is a relief. Even though I have no clue when I'll be using that puppy again, now that I will be pulled into downtown - to which I'm afraid to ride - for the foreseeable future (BarBri then Future Firm).

When I left Future Firm last summer, they gave the summer associates a jacket. This seems to be common practice with the big firms. I've seen others -- fleece jackets that people don't want to wear because it has a firm logo emblazoned on the chest or the back or whatever. But when I saw the high quality windbreaker/rain coat which was given to me, I was pretty impressed. Further impressed by the fact that firm logo was on the back of the HOOD in such a way that if the hood is down, you can't see the firm logo. Which means I can wear my jacket at school without people thinking I'm a braggart or a dork or something worse.

Just today I discovered that not only is the firm logo on the back of the hood - but I can roll up the hood, and stick it into a pocket in the collar. The logo is 100% invisible!

Glad to know I'll be joining a classy place.

p.s. I am glad Melinda was voted off, despite the fact that she totally ROCKED her second song on Tuesday night, and gave me chills. If she was voted off. If the producers didn't decide that she was getting boring because she was such a given and just told Ryan to SAY she was voted off.

p.p.s. Can you tell I feel D-O-N-E? By the chit chat and the mere fact that I'm posting in and of itself? I can't feel done. I have another exam to write. It has to be 2500 words, and it has to be good, and I only have 646 mediocre words thus far. Please, send positive worky vibes my way? I'd love to hand it in before I leave school today ....

Labels: American Idol, exams, law school

posted by Zuska @ 11:30 AM 0 comments

Now, 3/4ths Done

And it's a good thing, because the week is 4/5ths over [noon tomorrow is the cut-off].

I just uploaded one of my 2 take home exams. It is 8:46 a.m. I must go to school, and I think work out, and then hole up in the library to complete the FINAL take home exam. I would really love to hand it in before I leave school today to pick up the girls. Imagine? Friday OFF? Done a day early? That would be divine.

Perhaps, though, reckless. I'm working on pretty low energy and brain power at this point. Sleeping on this take home tonight and then leaving tomorrow a.m. for any final polishing may be wise.

I was actually starting to have panic attacks in bed last night. We went to bed at 11:30, and I was exhausted. As soon as I tried to fall asleep, though, my heart started to race, thinking about my 2 take homes, the 2 exams I took in class, what my evals will look like, the end of law school, not being in classes anymore, starting work, taking the bar exam, starting BarBri ....

So then I started to think about Lost, which was good last night, and the world of make believe calmed me down and I fell to sleep.

I left my bike at school yesterday for the first time in 3 years. We had some nasty thunderstorms (perhaps even tornados inland in this state, and near my home town in that other state down there) while I was writing about torture and enemy combatants, and then the temp dropped from the 70s to the 40s. I had on flip-flops and capris and NO rain coat. So I took the T home. I hope my bike's okay. I hope no one took it. Or the tires off of it. That would suck.

We woke up this a.m. to no power. That was strange. Fortunately my alarm clock is battery operated. E usually showers in the a.m., but since there was no hot water, I let her sleep in. MISTAKE! The girl's a grouch without a shower to wake her up and make her smiley. And then J had fits over shoes and socks - nothing was comfortable. Socks were too thin, shoes were too tight, and she has a walking field trip today. She has like 100 pairs of shoes. I don't know why she was suddenly insisting that they all SUCK. Not to mention the 200 pairs of socks.

Labels: exams, kids, law school, life

posted by Zuska @ 8:45 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Last In Class Exam --- Evah!!!

I finished IP. I have to say, I came out of it feeling less confident than I did coming out of Securities. Perhaps it's because I didn't just learn IP in 2 days - I've been reading and paying attention and caring and understanding all along. So being able to write about it didn't feel like a big deal. But I don't think so. I think I missed stuff. I know I didn't bomb it, but this is a professor I respect, and I don't want her to read it and think, "zuska's dumb." But since I had her for Property first year, and she didn't find me dumb, it's more likely she'll say "zuska's a lazy 3L."

Who knows - maybe I only feel less confident because it was closed book, and I couldn't go through a written checklist and KNOW that I talked about all applicable issues. I'm not really willing to go back through my notecards, either, to find out what/if I missed. I'll just stay in blissful ignorance until my evals come out (in 100 years or so).

This morning, I was a freaking MACHINE. In honor of exams, I guess. I woke up at 6 [30 minutes earlier than usual] and threw on clothes, put my hair up, and got on the [pre-packed - which is soooo not-Zuska] and rode to school. I went straight to the gym, carried my index cards and outline up the stairs with me and sweat like a PIG for 45 minutes while memorizing PFCs.

I ellipticalled .2 of a mile less than yesterday in the same amount of time - when I was not memorizing elements of a cause of action for Trademark infringment suits. But I think it's a worthwhile trade off. 2-tenths of a mile = no days skipped in the exercise regime AND memorized elements of causes of action.

And in other blissful ignorance news - the scale in the gym is broked. So I don't know if I've lost or gained or what in the past week.

I'll tell you one thing - on Friday - when I'm DONE with law school - I don't give a shit about the scale.

I'm eating ice cream.

Now I'm off for a quick walk to get a notebook and a bottle of yummy orange sparkling water before I come back to the library and settle in to electronically retrieve my 24 hour take home.

I sort of wish I had time for a nap.

Oh well.

Labels: exams, exercise, ice cream, law school

posted by Zuska @ 12:47 PM 1 comments

Monday, May 14, 2007

The Worst is Over

I took my Securities Regulation exam this afternoon. Amen. I am done with that class.

I felt good coming out of it - like I'd hit the major issues, and was lacking very little information. I was a little worried because I didn't know the specifics about how the SEC refers matters to the DOJ for criminal prosecution ... I was worried that was going to hurt me. I just said, "the SEC may refer the matter to the DOJ for criminal prosecution of the fraudulent acts." Post-exam screening says I may have said, "under section 17" but otherwise - I am more than fine.

Coming out of there, I feel like I did a damned good job at learning an entire course in 2 days. I always feel good coming out, though. I do know, for a fact, that I passed. This is what really matters. Because 2 weeks ago, while sitting in that room with that infuriating professor and all of his, "right? right? right? right?" nonsense, I thought, "I'm going to fail. I need this class to graduate, and I can't focus on a thing this man is saying b/c he's the world's most annoying poo-poo head to walk the face of the earth - so I am going to FAIL."

I did not fail.

Now I'm working on my International Law take home exam -- some nonsense about the environment and China and mercury. I will go home in a couple of hours, and eat some food. I'm hungry. I'm also tired. Because I just took an exam.

Labels: exams, law school

posted by Zuska @ 4:49 PM 0 comments

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Plugging along ...

all last week, I noticed that many of the law school blogs were mostly a list of what exam prep had taken place that day. I was feeling a little pleased that it wasn't me yet, since my school is on the quarter system, and are exams happen sorta late.

Now it's my turn.

Today I worked on International Law and Securities. Both went better than I expected. I consulted with two classmates on the International take home, and I felt like I have a good grasp of the material. Then I went and holed up in the library to tackle Securities.

I've been really worried about Securities. My professor started off the quarter on a super-sour note, and I had a hard time getting over the bitterness. Really, I never did get over it. I might have, if he was a decent teacher. But he isn't. He sucks at teaching. He should NOT quit his day job. Fortunately for him, and unfortunately for all of us, he DOES have a day job, and that's why we were left waiting for 1/2 hour, and it's why we had to tolerate him answering his cell phone and blackberry during class on several occasions.

Or, perhaps, the reason why was because he's an inconsiderate person who has respect for no one but himself, and found us to be itty bitty babies hanging on his every word (never mind that the average age in the classroom was likely 30+, and I somehow don't think he has yet reached 40).

Anyway -- because of this attitude of mine and lack of teaching ability of his - I have learned nothing this quarter. Nothing. I know that there's a few laws pertaining to securities. The end.

So today I set to the task of learning about securities. I think I'm getting there. I'm about 1/2 way through the course, and I feel pretty good. I will not fail; I am certain of that.

I will have a very insane 8 days coming up here. I would like to move into the law library. I can bring a sleeping bag or something. I have probably 24 hours/day of work to do. I have 2 take homes, but I can't start on them until Wednesday - and one of them has a 24 hour limit, so I won't start the second one until Thursday. Which leaves me less than 24 hours to do that one. I will look for corners of time over the weekend, when I need a break from the others. But I still don't think I'll turn to it until Thursday.

And I'm not willing to give up the gym next week. I already made my plan to leave the house at 6 or 6:30 on Weds a.m. and head to the gym with either notecards or my outline, and do my last minute cramming on the elliptical. I can't write take home exams at the gym, but who cares. I'm sure that the 2 hours it takes won't fail me.

Labels: exams, exercise, law school

posted by Zuska @ 5:50 PM 0 comments

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Getting Serious

Alright, finally, I'm ready to buckle down and prepare for exams. I got a substantial portion of my IP outline done today, and hope to finish soon. Then I switch over to Securities, with a slight blip of Int'l Law on Thursday afternoon. We are getting our take home exam tomorrow, but it isn't due until next Friday. A friend and I are getting together post-gym on Thursday, though, to do some initial brainstorming. I won't be able to actually write the damned thing until a week later; the day before it's due. Woe is me.

My Security/Liberty exam has a 24 hour limit - we can pick it up one day, and it's due exactly 24 hours later. I think I'm going to pick it up after my IP exam, which is Weds. a.m. I told a classmate today, I plan to pick it up at 2 p.m., b/c then I can work a good bit in the evening, and then sleep on it, and finalize it in the a.m.

I am not looking forward to this and next week. They're poops. I can't wait until they're over.

I have friends who arranged things so that they have like NO exams. Or their only exam is the 24 hour take home. I am jealous now. I have 4 exams. Ptooey.

Labels: exams, law school

posted by Zuska @ 8:46 PM 0 comments

Very exciting

I just went and handed in my bar application. On the T, while traveling to the office, I pulled it out to go over things, and just be sure I didn't forget anything.

Shit!

I did.

I forgot to include the judge I worked for in my first summer of law school. I didn't know what to do. He wrote one of my letters of recommendation, so there was no way they would think I was hiding the fact, but still. I then thought, "well, it's the only job that I wasn't paid for - maybe I can just say I didn't think I needed to include it?" But that's dumb, in this world of internships and co-ops.

So I stopped at a FedEx/Kinkos right near the courthouse, and re-did the rider. The reason why it slipped through the cracks was b/c I had to add 5 pages' worth of additional jobs that the application didn't have room for - I thought "oh, all my co-op jobs fit on the first page" and started the Rider with other stuff -- but the Judge didn't fit on the first page.

While I was in Kinkos, I ran into a fellow summer associate from Future Firm. That was fun.

Now I'm back at school, outlining IP -- again and forever more.

I am more worried about Securities Regulation. My classmates tell me I shouldn't be - that when I sit down to go over it, and create an outline/index, it will go much quicker than I think it will. I'm still worried.

It's in less than a week!! So I need to finish IP, and get it out of the way (for now) so I can spend the weekend steeped in Securities.

Labels: bar exam, exams, law school

posted by Zuska @ 2:32 PM 0 comments

Friday, January 19, 2007

Waiting is Done.

I received my "grades." In 3 out of 4 classes, I did as I expected - I don't think for any of those 3, I expected to get our version of an A+ (Outstanding), and I didn't.

In Tax, however, I thought it was on my horizon. I felt very comfortable with the exam, and walked out of there feeling confident.

I got our version of a "C" (Fair). My first. I'm trying to feel upset about this, and I just ... don't. His comments were not negative at all -- they were actually FINE (or fair?) for someone NOT going into Tax, and with Tax being such a specialized field, I'm just not upset, and especially with our weird grading system, I do not think that it will reflect negatively on me for Future Firm.

Eh, maybe this is just one of the benefits of having to wait 2 solid months to find out how you did -- you just care less.

Labels: exams, law school

posted by Zuska @ 12:54 PM 0 comments

Friday, November 17, 2006

booby update

i had my second appointment re: the spot on my boob today. i have no new information, except that they've ruled out the possibility that it was just cyclical (i.e., related to my period). the "expert" who felt around today found the spot pretty quickly, returned to it 4 times, and then said, with her brows furrowed, "is this the spot?" she said it does not feel "clinically troublesom" which i'm taking to mean "it does not feel like a tumor" - but she has no clue WHAT it is, so on the second Wednesday of my new job, and 2 days after my 34th birthday (the day after beloved's 45th birthday). I get to explain to them that i must take a long lunch for medical purposes, so i can go and get a mamogram and an ultrasound on my left boob.

can someone who has had mamograms please give me some reassurance that this won't hurt as much as i think it's going to? i was so happy last week when my primary care doctor said JUST an ultrasound. but the expert says i need both. i'm trying not to think about it. but i'll think about it for purposes of reading reassurances. reassurances ONLY, please.

in other news, my paper is pretty much done. i'm cozy-ing up to my blue book right now, and when it's done, i print the damned thing and walk it downstairs. then i go party or something. b/c i'm done.

Labels: exams, health, law school

posted by Zuska @ 9:49 AM 2 comments

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

midweek blahs ... but it's EXAM week!!!

i slept horribly last night. absolutely HORRIBLY. i didn't even go into the bedroom until 1 a.m., which is late for me. i've been going to sleep around 11 or 11:30 this fall (which is early, but it is coupled with me trying to wake at 5 or 5:30 for a run evey day, and it's become my routine), so 1 a.m. was late. beloved was especially tired last night, and he went in earlier than usual. i think i couldn't get tired b/c i was experiencing a low-grade euphoria over the completion of Tax. i was also enjoying emailing with a couple friends - far and near - and catching up with a lot of blog reading that the exams and papers and arguments and briefs have gotten in the way of.

when i did go to bed, i couldn't sleep. i had that odd phenomenon where it feels like you never sleep - not really - yet the clock shows that 3 hours have gone by. i looked at the clock at 2:41 a.m., and thought 'so, i must have slept, b/c i certainly wasn't tossing and turning for 3 hours??'

finally i slept soundly. i was cuddly and warm, and dreaming of scary scenarios in which beloved held me tight, and i felt okay, and it was reassuring, and good. and then the alarm went off. and i felt like crap.

i got the kids off to school and went back to bed. i was just too tired. but then, b/c beloved doesn't work on wednesdays, he decided HE would go back to bed.

i'm going to try and be loving and respectful here:

beloved snores. a lot. it has actually been a source of contention b/t us, b/c he gets quite upset if i wake him b/c of his snoring. yet at the same time, it does wake me up ocassionally. more than it actually WAKES me up, it keeps me awake if i am awake for some other reason - like last night, where i went to bed 1.5 hours (or so) after him. i usually cap myself at 1: 1 opportunity to ask him to roll over (when he sleeps on his right side, he's mostly silent).

i did struggle with this during my many awake-periods during the night. his snoring.

and so i felt i deserved a nap.

but then ... him taking a nap? not gonna work. b/c if he's taking a nap, then he's SLEEPING!! if he's sleeping, then aren't we back to square one?

he promised me he wouldn't snore. now if he really had control over that, once asleep, then i'm really very pissed off, b/c it means all these nights over the past 2.5 years, he's CHOSEN to snore in my ear and keep me awake.

of course, within literally 4 minutes, he was snoring. i told him to FUCK OFF and stormed out of the room.

no, seriously, i did. perhaps i said FUCK YOU! rather than the "off" variant. either way, i said FUCK, and i left the room and tried to sleep on the couch. but i was pissed, so i couldn't. so i decided to pick up my stupid paper on stupid afghanistan.

but then i remembered that since it was 8:20 a.m., the kids weren't home, and they both have beds, and they have a door that closes, and so i went in there, and i slept. until 10:41. then i got up and stared at my computer for a little while.

at approximately 11:50, i opened up my draft. at approximately 12:33, I took out my marked up hard-copy version of my draft. at approximately 2:10, I took a shower. at approximately 3:05, I put down my cooking light magazine and started actually working on my paper. at approximately 5:25, the kids came home (beloved picked them up), and at approximately 6:14, I put my paper away until tomorrow.

not good. or is it? is it really "not good"? I don't think so.

the paper's actually in better shape than I thought it was. I probably have like 6 or 7 more pages to write - but the research is done. I am not sure I need more than tomorrow.

It's due on Friday at close of business (4:30). I was hoping to meet a friend for lunch that day, but she had a work meeting come up, so I have nothing else to do on Friday. So if I don't meet my goal and finish tomorrow - who cares?

i think all will be well. i think i have more than enough time.

as long as i use tomorrow wisely.

so i must get up early, go for a run, get the kids of to school, get myself off to school, work all day, see how far I get before 3 --- if i'm done, that is the cut off to start with the blue book nonsense. if i'm not done, i can work for 2 more hours before i go pick up the kids, go home, and ....

COOK! I'm trying again. beloved has to work until 8 or so, and we didn't really have dinners that yielded leftovers this week (especially since I threw last night's away), so I have to cook. I'm making Moroccan Salmon over couscous. I'm sure it will be so delightful that I will be posting photos. (har har har)

Labels: exams, life, sleep

posted by Zuska @ 8:20 PM 1 comments

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

tax? check.

okay - i'm now 3/4ths done. and THAT feels good, let me tell YOU!!

The exam was not very hard. Perhaps that was by virtue of it being a 1 p.m. exam, rather than 9 a.m., and I was able to spend 5 solid hours before it started filling in holes in my outline and doing practice exams. Practice exams are fun, especially when there's multiple choice, b/c professors are NOT very creative people, and their questions are often very similar from year-to-year. This was an open book exam, so it's not like if there wasn't some repetition I would have been truly stumped, but it did mean that I had the info fresh in my brain, instead of having to go digging.

The issue spotter was a "fun" topic, for me, so I enjoyed writing about it. I had time at the end to go through my outline and make sure I hit all relevant issues, and threw in a couple that were questionably irrelevant. but, eh.

All that's left is to polish up Afghanistan. I have 3 days to do it, and hope I can be diligent about it. it would be amazing if i could hand it in on Thursday, and have Friday OFF.

I am not, however, diligent by nature UNTIL the due date is breathing down my neck.

My big decision to make? Do I work at home tomorrow? Or at school? At least one part of my paper needs to be enhanced with a wee bit of additional research, but there's a LOT for me to do before (or after) I get to that point.

It's not easy being in the law school right now. The first year students are on the semester system, and us upper level students are on the quarter system. So while all of us are stressing out, and using the computer lab to do things like print our outlines and finalize papers, the 1Ls come in to do things like ... check e-mail ... in groups. loud groups. loud, giggling groups. they talk. about things like, uh, where to eat lunch. those of us who are about to walk into an exam don't have time to eat lunch. we don't like to listen to people giggling and chatting about lunch.

i find it very frustrating.

and with that, i've decided that tomorrow, i work at home. perhaps on thursday, i'll go into the law school in the morning to do my research, and hopefully then finalize my paper, and hand it in.

Labels: exams, law school

posted by Zuska @ 5:27 PM 1 comments

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