Well, honestly, the baby (C) is very very cute, and I'm glad I went. Once again, I found my sister-in-law to be quite endearing and much more "real" than when she's in the presence of my parents. My brother said something as I was leaving that made me wonder how much my mother is in the middle of our conversations [although he doesn't get off that easy]: "Z, call me when you leave town -- don't just let Mom call and assume I know you left!"

Which is one of my complaints about him - the assumption that my mom is passing knowledge all around, and releasing him from the need to have any conversations with me directly.

I am glad I went today. I am mostly glad because I got to be there with my brother, his wife and the baby without my parents in the room. They came later in the day (I had left and then went back), and it really was very different. Very different.

I am still not thrilled about the prospect of going back this weekend. I am still thinking it over - can I do this again? Should I? Do I want to? It's not an easy drive, and I sort of kind of have a life here. Sort of. Kids, and a husband, and friends with whom I've made plans. That sort of thing. A birthday party to plan (next Saturday) with a friend. Birthday parties to bring kids to, and to shop for. You know. Life.

Labels: babies, brother, weekends

posted by Zuska @ 11:24 PM 0 comments

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Ready to let go??

I have posted several times about my frustration, aggravation and anger with my brother. He has been obnoxious, irrational, selfish and generally impossible to get along with in the past two years. His wife has also been hard to understand.

HOWEVER.

The past few times I have been here in my old town, where both he and my parents live, he has actually been NOT obnoxious. And NOT hard to get along with. We haven't become suddenly close and bonded, but we have gotten along, and we have not argued, and he has not offended me.

I think, perhaps, it is time for me to let go of the things that upset me in the past (his screaming and yelling at me on the day of his wedding, for example), and just find where our relationship is right now.

It is still hard, however, to not be insanely jealous over the fact that he not only has his own house, but he designed it, and a lot of their furniture and decor is *exactly* what they wanted. I have for so long picked up cheap furniture because it was all I could afford and I needed furniture that it is very foreign to me that someone can have *exactly* what they want.

I tried to remind myself, as i felt the jealousy contorting my guts in circles, that the reason why a house (entirely designed by us ... all the space we need ... furniture that is our first choice) is out of reach for us is because of where we chose to live, and where we choose to live. We don't want to come back to the town where I grew up, where housing prices are tons lower and land is available in larger quantities. It's not where we want to be.

I'm still jealous, though.

Labels: brother, housing

posted by Zuska @ 1:19 PM 0 comments

Sunday, November 26, 2006

why there were only 14 items

last night, at my parents' house, my brother and his wife decided that my children, my parents, and i were worthy enough to be graced with 2 entire hours of their time. that in and of itself was amazing, and i am not sure it has EVER happened before. he lives literally around the corner from my parents, and rarely ever has time to see them .... unless he needs money or some other favor. several times my family has come from the Boston area, and he has been "too busy" to come by and say hello. or he'll come in the house to ask my father something, and then leave without saying a word to me or mine.

but last night, he was there.

the girls were coming from the place that their father is living this year, but they had gotten stuck in traffic. so us adults (brother, mother, father, sister-in-law and myself -- beloved had stayed in boston this time) had dinner while we waited for the phone call that i was to go meet the schlurg.

my brother started discussing a cousin of ours, who just left her husband for the 2nd time, and hopefully for good (yes, those of us who share blood make bad choices for first husbands, what can i say???). my brother started going on and on about how we needed to call her and to go see her, b/c she is our *family* and it's so important to support our *family.* he truly would not quit. my mother was kind of poo-pooing him, and my father was oddly silent (oddly b/c it seemed as though my brother's tirade was actually focused at my father, sort of reprimanding him for not calling my cousin already, and telling him all the reasons why he should).

the phone then rang, and it was time to make the 5 minute drive to go meet my ex and get my kids.

my dad came with me.

this is also odd - my dad has many many many feelings of dislike - even hatred - for my ex. why would he choose to come and be in close proximity? i am in zero danger from my ex - we didn't have that kind of marriage. so why is he coming?

we got in the car:

Me: man, i love the way my brother is so concerned about supporting family now. where the hell was he with all his phone calls and "support" when i left my ex? or when [sis] left hers?

Dad: nowhere, that's where he was. and he's not interested in family now, all he wants is a reason to get in a fight.

Me: i think he likes the romantic notion of being a chivalrous cousin.

Dad: he doesn't give a shit about family when it's about speaking to your mother like she's a human being, or about spending some time with your parents who live around the corner from him. i'm telling you - he wants to get in a fight.

apparently - my cousin's husband is believed to have been abusive. no one really knows, though. apparently, also, my brother has already said that he and my father should show up at the husband's door and "beat the shit out of him." my father, apparently, thinks my brother is pretty much an ass, and would rather find a way to crawl under a rock and claim that, despite the fact that they have the same name, my brother is not his son.

then i got my kids. we came back. the girls were sitting next to me, eating their dinner. my brother was sitting across from me.

brother: so where is [ex] working right now?

me: [place closer than he used to be]

brother: so is he teaching there?

me: no, he has a research fellowship.

brother: [snort, laugh, guffaw] a research fellowship? what the fuck is that? it sounds gay. how gay is that? jeez, that's gay.

me: [brother], do not say that - this is inappropriate.

brother: no it's not inappropriate - that's gay. what a gay job. he is so fucking gay.

me: you need to shut up [also making faces and hand motions toward the girls - at which he laughed].

brother: well, it is gay, and you know it.

!!!!!!!!!!!!

my KIDS!!! i *never ever ever ever ever* talk negatively about their father.

i also *never ever ever ever ever* talk negatively about homosexuality - b/c here, to my brother gay=stupid. it has nothing to do with homosexuality. apparently, it's just this random insult which he feels is appropriate.

my kids don't know it that way though. they were confused as to why their uncle thinks their father is gay, since they know he is a man who is married to a woman shortly after dating another woman, shortly after being married to another woman, who is their mother.

i needed to go back over the issue with the girls later:

"remember all the times i've talked about how obnoxious your uncle is? well, this is an example of that, and has nothing to do with your father. your father has a very good job, and it's something to be proud of. also, when your uncle says "gay" - he does not mean "gay" - he means "stupid." It is wrong of your uncle to use that word in that way, it is not stupid to be gay, and using one word for the other is disrespectful and hateful toward those who are gay."

j. was very sad and had tears in her eyes, and e. shrugged and said, "yeah, i know" and left.

my brother is having a baby!!! how can this be? how can his wife DO this?

oh, and the final irritating thing, him and his wife sitting at the table (before the kids got there), blatantly making fun of me for being a lawyer, and talking about me in the third person in condescending and fucking obnoxious ways. his wife is not the mean bully that my brother is, but she's made out of nothing but surface-stuff, and she has little of substance to add to any conversation.

my brother went from talking about my cousin (or something else) to looking at me and saying, "that's a nice sweater. you look like a lawyer" (with a weird baby-talk tone). his wife says, "oh, i know, doesn't she look so good? i love her haircut, and that is such a nice sweater she's wearing" (she was sitting 2 feet from me). my brother went on and on about how even though i haven't graduated law school, i'm still a "lawyer" to him.

asshole.

Labels: brother, ex-relations, family, holidays, kids

posted by Zuska @ 2:51 PM 4 comments

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