Once again, my weather-boyfriend has done me wrong. I wish that I could break it off, but I just can't. Despite the abuse he doles out semi-regularly, he's there for me every single morning. Sometimes he may screw up, and the results are disastrous, but often, much more often than not, I am wearing appropriate clothing.

We got wet.

On the 4th, by the river, before the fireworks. Wetness came out of the sky, and it landed on us, and into our "shelter" (i.e., not quite a tent, full of much screened area so as to "let in the cool breeze" which just so happened to be accompanied by wet chilly rain yesterday).

I had on shorts and a t-shirt. I brought a sweatshirt, but couldn't work out how to get it to cover my arms, my legs and J's freezing cold short-shorts-clad legs all at once. She brought a jacket, but it was a thin one, b/c her mother ( who was relying on her weather-boyfriend) told her to put away her thick oversized hoodie, b/c "it's going to be 84." The same mother who held her tongue when she wanted to call E crazy for wearing denim capris, b/c she knew that E's 11 year old "I am smarter than anyone" mentality would come out, and she would go put on a SECOND pair of capris on top of the first pair just to spite me.

But the fireworks were gorgeous, and considering everything, it was worth it to go, and it was worth it to be a wee damp and a lot chilly for a couple of hours.

Labels: holidays, kids, weather

posted by Zuska @ 2:47 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Happy 4th!

Beloved is down on Boston's Esplanade saving us our spot. He has a sun-shade tent, books and snacks. We're home, in our jammies, in the air conditioning. E is re-reading Harry Potter 6 (just as ravenously as I did on Sunday), I am blogging and looking around at clothing and shoe options for Europe, and J is sketching at the table. We will leave around 2 or so.

We're looking forward to picnic food, the Boston Pops concert piped through the speakers, and fireworks later on. My weather-boyfriend said it's going to rain just as it's time for the fireworks to shoot off, but Beloved heard they won't cancel fireworks unless it's thundering and lightning. So we'll bring umbrellas and raincoats, and get a little wet. It's worth it.

I'm bringing note cards and outlines. I never did put Evidence on notecards. I need to focus more on Property, but I haven't printed that outline yet, and so, it will have to wait for another day (i.e., Friday - when the bar studying goes insane, and Europe and Harry Potter will just have to wait).

So far, today is not a bad one, considering that it's the girls 2nd to last day home. Such days are always wretched. A holiday is a nice distraction. Tomorrow will likely be the hard day. Woe is all of us.

Labels: holidays, kids

posted by Zuska @ 12:33 PM 0 comments

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

First Day

New Years Day was good. Very mellow, but good. No fighting, no unhappiness (until bedtime, but that's a given on the last night of vacation with my non-sleeper e. in the house).

We watched the 2 movies we couldn't fit in on New Year's Eve: the Cat From Outer Space and Raiders of the Lost Ark. On the Eve, we saw Pirates II, The Love Bug Rides Again, and Thunderball (Sean Connery James Bond). We didn't really play any games. The girls played Stratego first, and I was set to play winner (j.), but my parents called, and they had set up their new MacBook, and we were fussing with video chat. j. got frustrated that our game was delayed and that our efforts at not seeing each other's pieces was keeping her from playing with her grandparents and cleaned the game up.

I also read around 200 pages of my book group book. I think I have to read until midnight tonight and tomorrow in order to finish the rest. I'm enjoying the book, which helps. It's American Pastoral by Philip Roth. Roth is very talky. His parentheticals are like 4 pages long, instead of a few words. But it's not bad.

Now, it's back to work. HUH?? I have to go to work???

Labels: book group, family, holidays

posted by Zuska @ 6:18 AM 0 comments

Saturday, December 30, 2006

Snow!!

Finally, we have a patch of snow. It isn't supposed to accumulate even to 1/2 inch, but right now, as it's coming from the sky - it's very pretty.

I had told the girls they had a reprieve from chores and room cleaning until 2 p.m., so they could enjoy their Saturday - but now that it's snowing, I extended their reprieve until whatever time they get sick of the snow. They're going to go to the park and run around in the flakes.

They're very happy about this. Through the coughs and the sore neck and the questions as to whether we'll get our friends' bug. Happiness prevails.

I think this has been a good week.

Labels: holidays, kids, weather

posted by Zuska @ 1:43 PM 0 comments

Monday, December 25, 2006

Merry .....

Christmas Day! Beloved and I just returned from a "walk" which turned into a "hike." The girls didn't want to come, because they were still enjoying Christmas gifts.

We had a gift exchange last night with my parents, my brother and his wife. It went pretty well. I rarely spend time with my brother without having complaints - but last night, he didn't piss me off once.

I have complaints, though --- I drank too much. I'm a wee nauseous today from it. I ended up dissolving into a giggle fit at around 11 p.m., and the girls were like, "MOM!! You are drunk!" Not really my idea of a shining moment as a parent. I also was otherwise overly talky and dumb. Fortunately that was the worst of it.

Oh, other than the odd background nauseousness of today.

But the hike helped with that.

We all cooked some yesterday - I made stuffed mushrooms, and then 2 other dips/veggie things. The mushrooms came out really well. Beloved helped with those. My dad made bacon-wrapped scallops, and my mom made Lasagna rolls. She also made cookies with the girls, and e.

Today, mom is working. So we've had a pretty lazy day. Despite the fact that I abused myself last night, I was the first of my family to wake up. My dad had been up since the crack of dawn prepping the Christmas Feast, but we all slept. I got up at 9:30, and the rest of my clan at 10.

My parents got me a little hand-held electronic Sudoku game. I played with it a lot this a.m. Beloved got me a little joystick-operated pac-man game that you plug into the t.v. I can't wait to go home and play. And he got me a scarf I've been fingering in a local store for WEEKS (a $100 big wool shawl-type scarf thingy) --- it's purply. I love it.

The girls got digital cameras from my mom. From us, they got musicals and board games (they're LOVING Stratego) and art supplies -- E. got Prismacolor Pencils and J. got a TON of sculpey.

They're downstairs now, re-enacting scenes from both their plays from last months. Singing their hearts out .... I bet they're using the video function on their cameras to tape each other. If I had to guess ....

Beloved got a turntable from my parents - one that plugs into a computer and you can ..... do something. I don't know what. Put music from a record player onto the computer? Put music from the computer onto a record? I have no clue.

Funny note -- I have been looking EVERYWHERE for the new Sarah McLachlin Christmas album, b/c someone had put down her song "Wintersong" on their top 5 in the Christmas Song meme that was going around - and I do truly like her. I couldn't find it anywhere. It had been in Starbucks before I decided I wanted it, but by the time I decided - it was sold out everywhere. I've asked at 5 different Starbucks, and had them go into their back room and check. Then I came here, and mentioned to my sister-in-law that I wanted it, and my mom ran into the other room and brought it out. She had it.

So now it's on iTunes. Yummy. I'm listening right now.

I suppose that's all for now. I'm going to heat up some more artichoke dip. Mom should be home within the hour, and we'll have more of a "Christmasy" Christmas night.

Labels: holidays

posted by Zuska @ 2:33 PM 0 comments

Sunday, December 24, 2006

And because with Solstice over, gifts all bought, and work behind me for a little while - I can breathe again -- I will finally participate in the tagging from Lyco - the Christmas song meme.

My 5 faves:

1. Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer -- I always loved this song.
2. The Grinch. The real one - from the soundtrack.
3. In Excelsis Gloria - I'm not religious, but I think this is a very pretty song.
4. Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer - my kids love it, it becomes a fave of mine.
5. Bing Crosby's Jingle Bells - but I can't find mine :(

I'm not tagging anyone. I think everyone's already done this one.

Labels: holidays, meme

posted by Zuska @ 10:38 AM 0 comments

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Peace on Solstice

That's my new greeting for my holiday.

I am wondering ... what makes our Solstice different than Festivus? I guess we don't think of it as a joke, which Festivus seems to be. But we don't have religious significance attached to it. I will not say that we don't have a spiritual attachment, b/c I am not sure that is true. There is something spiritual in the annual celebrations - celebrations of each other, of family, of our lives together. There is something truly *magical* about this time of year - whether we believe that it has to do with Mary and Jesus and eternal salvation, or not. Perhaps those beliefs are what started the tradition of THIS being the magical part of the year (in this country), but that's not it for me.

I mostly finished e.'s book, and I wrapped it that way (mostly finished). I think they're going to like their books. I have a couple of little things for Beloved, and I ended up making him something quickly as well.

He is picking the girls up relatively early today - and they will finish up their stuff and clean up while he cooks our Solstice Feast (Shepard's Pie Deluxe). I will stroll in just in time for the start of dinner and gifts and holiday music and .....

shit. i forgot to do a dessert. I suck. Well, I'm buying the girls lots of candy to put in their little cones (which are like stockings ... but not), so they can just have candy for dessert.

It is, after all, a school night.

Labels: holidays, solstice

posted by Zuska @ 1:21 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

muuuuch better

Last night I stopped what I was doing at 10:30 p.m., and went to SLEEP!! I got up at 5:15, went for a run, and now I'm getting in the shower at 6:30.

I had a productive evening - I am slightly surprised, b/c toward the end of the day at work, I was having to map out (on paper) everything I was reading in order to comprehend the words. If I didn't write things down, I would find myself 3 pages in without any clue as to what I had just read. I have a super-duper lot to do this week, and potentially not enough time to do it. Bringing things home is not an option, with the Solstice prep that is going on around here.

When I got home, however, I hit a 2nd wind. First of all, the book I made for my parents came in, and it's GORGEOUS. I am very happy with the quality. VERY HAPPY. That put me in a good mood. Then I cleaned up the kitchen from the night before, then I took my first two loads of laundry down, then I came upstairs and started cooking dinner, then as it was simmering, I ran down and brought the second two loads of laundry down, then i came up and served the family, then we ate, then I ran downstairs and put the second two loads in the dryer, brought the first two loads up and dumped them on the floor for the kids to fold,

Then I locked myself in my room, and got 2/3ds of e.'s scrapbook completed.

Tonight: stop on the way home to pick up a frame for e.'s gift to her sister and some supplies from an art store; then complete e.'s gift, and wrap them both.

ugh.

Labels: cooking, holidays, housework, life

posted by Zuska @ 6:23 AM 1 comments

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

mmmmmmmmmm

that's about all the energy i have right now.

But I do have enough energy to say that this news made me so happy. I don't know if it's my exhaustion, or what, but I read this post 2 hours ago, and I'm STILL getting teared up thinking about it, I am so happy for my fellow blogger.

my ipod is playing a favorite song of mine from the year that i left my ex. it's alanis morissette's "That Particular Time" - it never got radio time, that I know of, but it was so perfect for the end of that marriage. For the most part. Mostly the refrain (I think that's what it's called ... the part that starts with "I always wanted for you what you wanted for yourself" ..)

the point of this post? Solstice is kicking me in the ass. It's my own damned fault, and I feel like e., b/c I keep telling myself, "oh well, that's me. That's Zuska. There's nothing I can do about it in order to make it better next year. I am just not CAPABLE of starting projects early - of getting done without cramming at the end." But you know what? This should be a FUN time of year!

Instead, I'm so exhausted I could PUKE. I went to bed after 1, I couldn't get up to go running and that really upsets me, and I'm only done with ONE scrapbook. I haven't even started e.'s.

j.'s, however, ROCKS. Sorry if that's obnoxious, but if someone made that for me, I swear, I would just hug and hug and hug them.

I have to be more careful when I make e.'s:

the books are reminiscent of our time in Berkeley, at the LAST house we lived in. Not their whole lives in Berkeley.

j. only had kindergarten there. We were here for 1st grade. She was pretty young when we left, and didn't have a very difficult transition. While making her scrapbook, I felt like I was building memories for her, and that I could do what I wanted with it. I also could trust that for her, it's a pretty distant memory, and she has built so much more here than she had there.

e. however, is trickier. She was there through 2nd grade, and she had a really hard time leaving. So first of all, her pictures and such tell their own story (where j.'s had more commentary than I think e.'s will need). Second of all, I don't want her to cry when she looks at it. I need to find a way to make it a happy thing, and not a sad, "I miss my old friends" thing. I *think* she has enough distance between now and then at this point, and it will be okay. I do feel that it's a more delicate undertaking.

J.'s, however, ROCKS.

Every year, when I make them things, I love doing it. I love pulling things together, and it looks so good when I'm done. (I thought I posted photos of last year's project, which also came out really well, but now I remember I didn't, b/c they had the girls' names on it -- they were storage boxes. They each got 2 - one for journals and writing, and one for art. I decoupaged some fancy papers and old drawings and such of theirs onto them, and e.'s were very "e," and j.'s were very "j" and I had fun, and loved the final product.)

This year, my favorite thing is stamps. Beloved has 3 alphabets of stamps, and he and the girls have a lot of others. I was a little leery about doing a "scrapbook," b/c no offense to those other moms who love "scrapbooking" - but it ain't my thing. I am a shunner of "cutesy" for the most part. I knew that I could make my kids a scrapbook without making them a "Scrapbook." But I wasn't sure how I was goign to pull it off.

The answer? Cool stamps. I'll post some photos tonight, if I have a moment to breathe.

The worst part about my exhaustion and my cramming and my last-minute procrastination mess?

There's no way in HELL that I'm gonna have time to make something for Beloved. No way in HELL.

I have wanted to make him something (a certain something) for 3 years now. Every year, I run otu of time donig the girls' stuff, and don't get to his. This sucks!

But, in some ways, I'm sort of glad ... I wish I could share my idea, but I can't. In the past few days, however, I've thought of a SUPER KICK-ASS refinement of my idea, and when I thought I still had time to make him "something" - I was bummed b/c I didn't have time to collect materials for the SUPER KICK-ASS version. Putting it off means that I can make that other version work.

And I'll just buy him stuff. The girls will yell at me, but you know what? I'm the mother, so be quiet.

I also did laundry last night. 4 loads. And guess what? I did nothing but my own clothes. I was selfish, putting myself first (it was either that, or pull a Britney today .... well, 1/2 a Britney, in that I wouldn't be wearing underwear, but not a Britney, in that I would never be caught dead in a skirt as short as hers, and my private bits would still be covered up - either by tights, or by pants. But still. All my undies were dirty.)

tonight, I do the girls' clothes. Tomorrow night, I do Beloved's.

Oh, woe is me.

now I have actual work to do. Shit.

Labels: holidays, home, housework, solstice

posted by Zuska @ 8:43 AM 0 comments

Monday, December 18, 2006

Sick of the chaos ... already.

Today kinda sucks.

I received an e-mail first thing of the day saying that our hostess' kid was sick, and that perhaps we'll have to put our party off for another day. The "perhaps" is what caused all the chaos - between friends and family and food.

Beloved was making me a vat of soup to bring to the party - that was put on hold.

Then we received a follow e-mail that the child was feeling better - so I told him to make the soup, and wrote back that we'd see them later.

But then another mom wrote and said No! We've been sick for a week, and can't afford to get sick again, please can we reschedule (this family has a child who leans toward "sickly," which is the exact opposite of us. e. has been wondering if the fact taht she hasn't been sick for YEARS means something is wrong with her - b/c we haven't been sick for a long time. When we do get sick, we shake it off really quick).

So I called Beloved and told him, no way - don't make the soup, b/c now it looks ilke we're going to reschedule,

But then our hostess said - we can't find another night, she really wasn't THAT sick, and since 2 other people said tonight was okay, perhaps we needed to still go ahead.

So I called Beloved and said, "I don't know what to do!!" We decided he'd make the soup - if the party was canceled (which was, remember, just for j. and I, so he still had to make some OTHER food for he and e.), we'd all eat the soup, and we'd have to bring something else later in the week of the party was rescheduled.

Then it turns out not only is the party on, but since we lost 2 families to the fear of prolonged illness (both have been sick recently, and Christmas is around the corner - so I totally understand their feelings on that), our hostess invited Beloved and e. to come along as well.

Beloved and I have our bdays back-to-back, and it means we both are under teh same astrological sign. I'm not a huge believer in that mumbo jumbo, but I do recognize that there are some personality trends that seem to coincide. For us, it's all the negative ones.

We're very different people, with very similar faults.

For example ... when someone calls me with the possibility for impromptu plans, my knee jerk reaction is NO!! I can't!! I was going to sit and stare at the wall for the next hour, I can't go out and enjoy the company of friends!! I need time to digest change. I have gotten to where I can tell people, "I need to give it some thoguht and call you back - I don't change plans without freaking out - let me get right back to you."

And I believe (my interpretation of our chaos this afternoon) that Beloved is the same way. I want him to learn to say the same thing, "I"m freaking out, let me think on my own and get back with you."

Because then, I would have less of a headache than I do now. [unless it's the first hints of the buggy wuggy that's going around -- then Beloved's [grouchiness] has nothing to do with it]

But I love him dearly, even if he IS like me. In all the wrong ways ;)

We are all going. To eat Latkes and soup and such.

Labels: beloved, health, holidays, kids, life

posted by Zuska @ 4:46 PM 0 comments

as you can tell ...

Work is slow today. I have 2 projects to plod through (nothing pressing - I have all week to do one, and until this co-op is over to do the other), and I'm happy to have them here, but am not feeling too rushed about them. I would rather drag them out then rush to get them done, and then have nothing.

It is the week before Christmas, and Chanukah is NOW - I think things are winding down. Almost everyone I've spoke with is taking next week off, including ME!! I am not expecting this week to be too busy. Perhaps it will surprise me, and if so, that's okay (as long as I can leave at 5 or before today, tomorrow, and Thursday).

Last week got so intense. I really do thrive on intensity. There was one time where I was in such a hurry to meet all the deadlines that I rushed finding an answer, and wasn't spot-on, but I caught it before I turned it over to the attorney who assigned it, so all was well. Otherwise, I think I do better work when pressed.

I am not goign to stress over the fact that this week is slower. I am going to enjoy it. I know that I am going to get work, I'm confident about the work product I've turned in thus far, and I have enough stress and chaos going on in the personal life with the holidays that I think I should enjoy and bask in any quietness on the work front.

I'm gonna go plod through one of my projects now ....

Labels: co-op, holidays

posted by Zuska @ 9:53 AM 0 comments

Projects and Puking

I worked for at least 3 hours on j.'s Solstice gift last night. It is coming out really well, and I'm happy with it, but it's taking too long. I think I'm more than 1/2 done ... I think. But this is only the first one. I still haven't started e.'s. I have a project planned for Beloved, as well, but I don't know if I'm going to get to work on it.

I am using some of her old artwork from preschool and kindergarten, and pictures from those times as well. she used to be such a little girl. To spend that time with her photos from her 4th birthday, with the cherubic little face she had, and all the chub on her cute little self, and then to emerge from the cave in which I'm doing my work, and see this tall, lanky, athletic looking girl - it's disorienting.

J. and I were supposed to have a book group gathering tonight - we were just having a Latke party at one of the members' houses - no book discussion. But the hostess's daughter woke with a fever today, and so it looks like it will be canceled. I am a little nervous. This girl slept over our house on Friday night, and there are reports of some nasty, nasty bugs going around (a few towns over). If we are going to get it this week, I'm going to cry. First of all - I don't think that either Beloved OR I can comfortably take the time off from work. I say that because my job is temporary, and his is not, I should take off the time, but when it comes down to it, I get freaked out when I need to miss work. I have a work ethic to a fault (so I'm told).

When I was in high school, I did not do sports, I did not act, I did not play an instrument, I wasn't in student government --- I worked. I worked on the weekends, and after school, and often more than one job. I worked with my father first, where I formed, I suppose, this work ethic of mine. He was often out the door at 6 a.m., and worked hard. He hardly ever got sick, and i think only once in his LIFE didn't go to work b/c of an illness. His boss was(is) a freak, and if someone DID miss work, the man would go on a RAMPAGE.

And so now, here I am, with the work ethic from hell. "What do you MEAN I need to stay home and nurse a puking child? I can't!!! I must go to work!!!!" Yeah, right.

I'm sure the girls will be fine. And if they do catch a bug that may, or may not, be going aroudn - then this office will be MORE than fine without their silly little intern.

Besides, throughout my entire life, I get sick on CHRISTMAS. And now, following my footsteps, so will my children. We've already had at least two Christmases where the illnesses were pretty extreme. Once in 1998, while we were in California - my parents came to town and brought a nasty flu with them. We had 104 degree fevers --- me, my dad (he didn't go to work THAT day! Although he may have, if he was in the proper state), poor little 7 month old J., and 2 year old E. We have pictures. We all look pathetic. And then 2 years ago, in 2004, we went to my parents' for Christmas, and my sister was there from CA, and e. puked all over the living room. Then it hit J. on the day we were due to drive back home, and so I had to bundle her up in the backseat, with a little garbage pail on the floor "Just in case." Then, while driving home (Beloved had to go home earlier than us for work), it hit me, and when we drove up to the house, I left everything (and everyone) in the car, ran in the house, yelled at beloved to go and look after the kids, and promptly puked into the toilet.

That was fun.

Ahhh Christmas.

And now just talking about allo f this, I think I have a slight headache, and some nausea. Ooooooohhhh, woe is me.

Labels: health, holidays, kids

posted by Zuska @ 9:17 AM 0 comments

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Holiday Week

I posted a couple of weeks ago about the question surrounding the girls' holiday plans. The final decision is that they are NOT traveling.

So then I realized ... FUCK! They have the week off, and I am, um, on co-op. Meaning, 9-5, at the least, and only have Christmas Day off.

i thought, "well, perhaps I can take off 2 extra days" - the days Beloved regularly works. But before I could mention it to him, he filled me in on HIS holiday situation - they need craploads of help that week, b/c all the college students are going home for the holiday.

crap crap crap.

I decided, however - this is a *co-op* - it is a temporary arrangement. I do not owe them the loyalty that I may owe someone with whom I had a long-term relationship.

I also remembered last year ... how Christmas week was so dead at the office. I did not think it made much sense to struggle to find childcare (if it would even be possible) just to go into work and twiddle my thumbs for 4 days.

Co-op needs to last 11 weeks. That's the requirement - 11 weeks of 35 hours/week. Yet, in February, the girls have a week off -- which last year I was able to take off and spend with them, and then the NEXT week was my spring break. That was quite delightful, and I wanted it to happen again. It happened last year while I worked through Christmas week, so I was concerned.

But then I counted the weeks ... 100% do-able - I could take off Christmas week, and still have 2 weeks off b/t co-op and school, and fulfill the 11 week requirement.

Then I spoke with the person who hired me. I explained that I *thought* my kids were going to be traveling after the holiday, but things didn't work out, and he said, "I'm off that week, too, and I know a lot of other people who are - Zuska, this is NOT a problem, you can have it off."

Three minutes later, I received an e-mail sent to 'all attorneys' stating that "Zuska requested the week of Christmas off before I hired her, and I agreed to it - please mark your calendars accordingly." He totally covered my ass!! I didn't think it was a big deal until I got that e-mail, then I thought "huh, is this a big deal?" but then I realized - no. It's not.

Our plans? Connecticut for a few days, then home. Then the girls and I may go visit friends for an overnight - but Beloved has to work and will be staying behind. Then we will have our usual New Year's Eve celebration (movies, food, games, walk).

I'm excited, and glad that there is no stress.

ahhh, no stress.

Labels: co-op, holidays, kids

posted by Zuska @ 9:42 PM 0 comments

How much holiday spirit?

E. McPan does Christmas cards. I wish I were so good. Of course, mine would be Solstice cards, and would probably irk 90% of my family ... but they aren't the only people I'd send to. I am super tempted to go out during "lunch" tomorrow and find some cards that I'm willing to send out. But for the problem that I don't have a lunch. I'm lucky I have time to guzzle down a cup of soup at 2:15 when I realize I haven't eaten anything but the orange I devoured at 10:40 a.m.

Last year, Beloved and the girls had a good idea of a card to make and send out - but we aren't so good with timing. I think it was the year before that we tried to take photos of the girls all covered up with snow - but they didn't cooperate - j. kept crying that the sun was in her eyes.

If I want to do it, I have to buy them. I don't want to go to a pharmacy or to TJ Maxx, I want COOL ones. Cool Solstice-y ones.

Something tells me it ain't gonna happen.

Labels: holidays

posted by Zuska @ 8:12 PM 0 comments

Sunday, December 10, 2006

mmmm, apples.

I had been unsure what to get my parents for a while. I (still) plan to make the girls scrapbooks for our solstice gift this year, and have an idea for Beloved as well, but wasn't sure what to do about my parents. They are the people who not only have everything, but spend quality time thinking of all possible future scenarios of their lives so they can anticipate what they MAY need, and as soon as they think of that thing that they MAY need, if X, Y and Z happens - they BUY it.

I just spent some time going through my year's photo library on my computer, and I threw together a photo book using iPhoto. I can't believe how easy, fun and cool that was. I showed Beloved and the girls, and they were all duly impressed.

This book had 80 pictures in it, and was 35 pages. So the fact that it cost $40 did not seem like too much. We'll get each of my parents some else to open for themselves - I think a bottle of good gin for my dad, and something else (who knows what) for Mom.

I think that I'm in love enough with the book idea that I'm going to make a couple of others. I'll let the girls pick some photos to put one together for their dad (although not EIGHTY photos), and I think I'm going to make one for his grandmother right now. She's getting quite old, and loves the girls so much, and since the divorce, I don't stay in touch so well.

I kind of didn't before the divorce, b/c I find the woman quite creepy, honestly. But I don't have to hug her or kiss her, I just have to send her a book with perhaps 10 photos of the girls in it, and I'll make her happier than she's probably been for a while.

Holiday spirit and all.

Labels: computer stuff, holidays

posted by Zuska @ 9:31 PM 1 comments

weekend in brief

Watched A Christmas Story with the kids on Friday night. I hadn't seen it since either college or high school ... not sure which. I thought it was funny enough at the time, with the whole "you'll shoot your eye out" nonsense, and the tongue freezing to the lamp post. But watching it on Friday, after having read some David Sedaris and those who attempt to follow in his footsteps, the story took on a whole new sophistication. I really enjoyed it.
Then we watched Santa Claus is Coming to Town, which is like a very close cousin to Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer. I'd never seen it before - which is really hard to believe -- there's a Christmas special out there I haven't seen? But it's true. I liked that one, too.
On Saturday, we lazed around until around noon. Then a friend of e.'s came over, and we went to the kids' school to watch a play put on by the 7th and 8th graders -- Oklahoma. It was a wee bit shocking to me to see kids who seem still-so-young acting as loose women and horny men. The 7th graders are only 2 years ahead of e. They kissed in the play. Yikes!!
The boy that e. was having trouble with at school ... he and his family were at the play, and his mom approached me. I had thought of talking to her about what was going on, and just letting her know that we were doing our best to get things under control on our end. She said that she was actually the one who pushed the teacher to have a meeting with the kids. Which means she got a call home well before I did. She said it's entirely likely that her kid is 100% of the problem, that he's been in therapy for years (he's 10), and that they haven't talked much about the situation at home. We are probably going to get together and talk some more - she was a bit distracted with approx 4 kids in her charge.
e.'s friend came back home with us after the play, and we all sort of hung out while Beloved made a cake to bring to the friend's house, as we all had dinner plans together. We then went for dinner and very nice chatting time around a fire with food and wine. We all had a good time. Even though it was 30 out, the kids went out for 45 minutes TWICE to play on the trampoline. The second time they went, it was 9 p.m. Kids are extremely hardy creatures.
Today we assembled our tree. It is unusual that I have a fake tree. I have many times in my life swore that I would NEVER have a fake tree. But I've raised these kids thus far to be concerned about the destruction of nature, and our attempt at having a living tree failed miserably a few years ago. It died. Profoundly. And the way most real trees are shipped in all tied up and thousands of miles from where they grew, they all looked like crap last year. And we ended up at Target, deciding that a fake tree was an excellent investment for us. [Beloved just told me that he and j. think we should get pine scented air fresheners and hang them in the tree. 1) ew. 2) kinda funny that he said that while I was typing about the decision to go with fake]
We're getting ready to decorate the thing. As soon as we finish watching the Patriots get TROUNCED by Miami. Crap.

Labels: holidays, life

posted by Zuska @ 3:11 PM 0 comments

Friday, December 01, 2006

Strife and Guilt and Manipulation and Guilt

Here is an illustration in the kind of crap I often get from my ex:

We have an agreement that sets forth custody and vistation with the girls. It was written when I lived in CA, and he already lived elsewhere (far away elsewhere). It is written with the girls' school schedule in CA, and not here. Their school schedule was different then - they got 2 weeks off at Christmas, and only one spring break. Now they have one week off at Christmas, and then one spring break in February, and one in April. The agreement, however, says that we alternate years with both Christmas and Thanksgiving. Pretty typical. It *used to be* that when the girls were with me for Christmas, they still had another week off, and went to his home for a week. But the year we moved here, I had the girls for Christmas, they had one week off, and I had them for the whole week. He had Thanksgiving that year, and it was actually the first year he took them for Thanksgiving (he had given it up twice). Becuase of the travel involved, they took the whole Thanksgiving week off from school in 2004. He never brought that up this year.

So, this is my year for Christmas. he asked me, probably in September, if I would be willing for them to spend a couple of days with him and his parents in Florida. I thought it over, considered that Christmas itself is on a Monday, that I'm on co-op and may not have the week off, and that we had really anticipated the girls getting to spend extra time with him this year, since he's living closer. And I said yes.

He then told me that he was going to be flying them to a sunny locale in the U.S. where his parents live. I said, "oh, the girls will like that" and I also said, "I am not willing to pay half of their tickets, though, b/c this is actually my year to have them." (It is also in our agreement that for these visits that he has according to the order, we split travel costs 50/50.) He didn't respond to that statement immediately, but later told me that his mother was going to buy the girls' tickets.

But when I told the girls about the trip, they LOST IT. They didn't want to go. They cried, they complained, they refused. They said this was their year to be with US, and they didn't want to go, and they're sick of traveling during all their I didn't know what to do, b/c I had already told him yes, I did not anticipate that they would act this way.

So there was drama, and tears, and talks, and eventually, they decided they would go.

And then it came about that airline prices are SO HIGH this year. My sis probably can't come from CA, and the ex hasn't been able to find decent priced tickets for the girls. He told them that, and they took it to mean they weren't going. They did a dance. They giggled and smiled. When I later said he was still looking for better prices, they reverted to the same refusal to go, the proclamations that they would run away on the day of the flight (and return before bed) and so on.

Today I asked him for a definitive answer - are they going or not? Because if not, I'm going to have to work out either time off from work, or childcare for the days that Beloved has to work - or something.

His response? "remind me again your position on splitting the cost for the girls' travel for this holiday?"

So I did. I said, "I'm unwilling to split the cost" (especially since tickets are $600/each right now!! I don't have $600!! I'm in LAW SCHOOL - and that is the equivalent of what he pays each month in child support)

He said "well, our agreement says you have to split all travel costs, and it seems even more reasonable, since they didn't have to fly anywhere for Thanksgiving."

I had to clarify- our agreement doesn't say "all travel" and if he wants to interpret it that way, then he's shooting himself in the foot, b/c if I have to answer every request of whether or not he can have extra time with the girls with a financial consideration, he's going to get more negative responses than if it was merely a consideration of whether I'm willing to go outside the agreement (which I am, and have demonstrated time and time again).

I also pointed out that since he's planning on traveling 4x the distance from my home to his, even if it WERE his time with the girls, I would protest me paying that much in airfare.

He responded:

Ok. The girls and I won't be able to see each other this holiday season. I give you the choice of which of us should explain this outcome to [the girls]. I think they are owed an explanation. I am a bit surprised at your intractability on this issue.

Which is pretty typical.

My (internal) response to this?

"crap, now i'm being unreasonable, should i just pay the $$? I don't want to be unreasonable."

But I do not think I'm being unreasonable. I also feel 100% sure that his mother will pay "his" 1/2 of the tickets, and I will be paying my half. This isn't his time with them. If he's getting that favor from me, why do I have to feel unreasonable for not doing a second favor in paying for the trip?

Furthermore, THE GIRLS DON'T WANT TO GO!!! I am too kind to say that to him, but when they find out it's a sure thing that they're not going, they're going to be relieved. They're not going to feel that they're "owed an explanation." They're gonna do a happy dance. He has to know that, though. E. told me that he brought the trip up over Thanksgiving (asking if they still want to go), and they just "said nothing" and he changed the subject quickly. Since he's "given me the choice" I should just let him tell them that they can't go, and he'll have no choice but to confront the reality of the situation.*

And I hate that he will present it to his mother (and the entire extended family down there) as him not being able to have time with the girls, and them all not being able to see the girls, b/c I was unreasonable and intractable. Because I refused to pay even my measley portion of the girls' airfare.

* It's really not that they don't want to spend time with him. They're glad he's coming for the play this weekend, they're glad to see him every time they do. They just do not like to travel, and do not like spending time at his house so much, b/c he works a lot, and they have little to do. As it turns out, even, they're all up on popular culture in ways I had no idea. At my house, they watch silent films, musicals, and an ocassional travel show. They don't ask for more, complain that they don't get to watch any particular shows, or show any unhappiness with our lack of popular culture television and movies. The other night, though, we watched an American Girl Doll movie on the Disney Channel, and they knew all the shows, characters, everything - including this High School Musical movie and games and stuff. It was very weird to me.

My POINT was - it's not that they don't like him, or don't want to spend time with him. When he comes to Boston, and spends time with them here, they're very, very happy.

Labels: ex-relations, holidays, kids, travel

posted by Zuska @ 11:18 AM 1 comments

Sunday, November 26, 2006

why there were only 14 items

last night, at my parents' house, my brother and his wife decided that my children, my parents, and i were worthy enough to be graced with 2 entire hours of their time. that in and of itself was amazing, and i am not sure it has EVER happened before. he lives literally around the corner from my parents, and rarely ever has time to see them .... unless he needs money or some other favor. several times my family has come from the Boston area, and he has been "too busy" to come by and say hello. or he'll come in the house to ask my father something, and then leave without saying a word to me or mine.

but last night, he was there.

the girls were coming from the place that their father is living this year, but they had gotten stuck in traffic. so us adults (brother, mother, father, sister-in-law and myself -- beloved had stayed in boston this time) had dinner while we waited for the phone call that i was to go meet the schlurg.

my brother started discussing a cousin of ours, who just left her husband for the 2nd time, and hopefully for good (yes, those of us who share blood make bad choices for first husbands, what can i say???). my brother started going on and on about how we needed to call her and to go see her, b/c she is our *family* and it's so important to support our *family.* he truly would not quit. my mother was kind of poo-pooing him, and my father was oddly silent (oddly b/c it seemed as though my brother's tirade was actually focused at my father, sort of reprimanding him for not calling my cousin already, and telling him all the reasons why he should).

the phone then rang, and it was time to make the 5 minute drive to go meet my ex and get my kids.

my dad came with me.

this is also odd - my dad has many many many feelings of dislike - even hatred - for my ex. why would he choose to come and be in close proximity? i am in zero danger from my ex - we didn't have that kind of marriage. so why is he coming?

we got in the car:

Me: man, i love the way my brother is so concerned about supporting family now. where the hell was he with all his phone calls and "support" when i left my ex? or when [sis] left hers?

Dad: nowhere, that's where he was. and he's not interested in family now, all he wants is a reason to get in a fight.

Me: i think he likes the romantic notion of being a chivalrous cousin.

Dad: he doesn't give a shit about family when it's about speaking to your mother like she's a human being, or about spending some time with your parents who live around the corner from him. i'm telling you - he wants to get in a fight.

apparently - my cousin's husband is believed to have been abusive. no one really knows, though. apparently, also, my brother has already said that he and my father should show up at the husband's door and "beat the shit out of him." my father, apparently, thinks my brother is pretty much an ass, and would rather find a way to crawl under a rock and claim that, despite the fact that they have the same name, my brother is not his son.

then i got my kids. we came back. the girls were sitting next to me, eating their dinner. my brother was sitting across from me.

brother: so where is [ex] working right now?

me: [place closer than he used to be]

brother: so is he teaching there?

me: no, he has a research fellowship.

brother: [snort, laugh, guffaw] a research fellowship? what the fuck is that? it sounds gay. how gay is that? jeez, that's gay.

me: [brother], do not say that - this is inappropriate.

brother: no it's not inappropriate - that's gay. what a gay job. he is so fucking gay.

me: you need to shut up [also making faces and hand motions toward the girls - at which he laughed].

brother: well, it is gay, and you know it.

!!!!!!!!!!!!

my KIDS!!! i *never ever ever ever ever* talk negatively about their father.

i also *never ever ever ever ever* talk negatively about homosexuality - b/c here, to my brother gay=stupid. it has nothing to do with homosexuality. apparently, it's just this random insult which he feels is appropriate.

my kids don't know it that way though. they were confused as to why their uncle thinks their father is gay, since they know he is a man who is married to a woman shortly after dating another woman, shortly after being married to another woman, who is their mother.

i needed to go back over the issue with the girls later:

"remember all the times i've talked about how obnoxious your uncle is? well, this is an example of that, and has nothing to do with your father. your father has a very good job, and it's something to be proud of. also, when your uncle says "gay" - he does not mean "gay" - he means "stupid." It is wrong of your uncle to use that word in that way, it is not stupid to be gay, and using one word for the other is disrespectful and hateful toward those who are gay."

j. was very sad and had tears in her eyes, and e. shrugged and said, "yeah, i know" and left.

my brother is having a baby!!! how can this be? how can his wife DO this?

oh, and the final irritating thing, him and his wife sitting at the table (before the kids got there), blatantly making fun of me for being a lawyer, and talking about me in the third person in condescending and fucking obnoxious ways. his wife is not the mean bully that my brother is, but she's made out of nothing but surface-stuff, and she has little of substance to add to any conversation.

my brother went from talking about my cousin (or something else) to looking at me and saying, "that's a nice sweater. you look like a lawyer" (with a weird baby-talk tone). his wife says, "oh, i know, doesn't she look so good? i love her haircut, and that is such a nice sweater she's wearing" (she was sitting 2 feet from me). my brother went on and on about how even though i haven't graduated law school, i'm still a "lawyer" to him.

asshole.

Labels: brother, ex-relations, family, holidays, kids

posted by Zuska @ 2:51 PM 4 comments

Thursday, November 23, 2006

what our day looks like

as i have said, this is my ex's year to have the girls for thanksgiving. he is a little closer this year, so we drove them to a meeting point yesterday. i believe they've only spent one other thanksgiving with him in the past, b/c he couldn't get time off, or whatever. in 2004, however, they did spend it with him, but since he was further, and they needed to fly, they took the whole week off from school. at least e. is getting a little too old now to take time off casually, which is why we did the exchange yesterday.

since beloved and i have been together, we take our holiday without the girls for an "us" day. we have tried different versions in the past - we've done jammies all day watching movies in bed eating take out and partaking in questionably illegal relaxation methods, we have gone out to eat, we have cooked, but non-traditionally, and we have shared the day with my sis, back in CA when she lived with us, and watched movies and cooked way too much food. that time was kidn of fun - we each cooked 3 appetizers, and that was our dinner. i believe it was christmas, and sis's son was with his dad, and my kids were with their dad, and so we were just 3 mellow adults.

this year, though, i said i wanted us to cook. i wanted to still have the holiday together (as in, alone), b/c it's not something we get too often. we are spending christmas at my parents' house, and even though we were in their neighborhood yesterday and could have easily stayed for thanksgiving dinner, we really wanted our time for us. but i didn't want take out in bed, b/c that was, quite frankly, a wee depressing for me. even though i try to buck tradition sometimes, i am an oldest child from new england - i'm a bit of a traditionalist. there's no escaping it. blood and all that.

so we're cooking! beloved is brining the turkey, and as soon as i get off my lazy ass and stop posting, i am peeling potatoes (white and sweet) to get going on my 2 mashed potato recipes - one cheesy and one glazed in brown sugar. sweet potato brulee, they call it. i already made the cranberry sauce, and he's going to do the gravy and stuffing and the veggie. i was going to make dessert, but uh, i bought ice cream instead.

we were thinking of eating at 2, b/c i love mid-day meals on holidays, but since we didn't wake up until 10, that was changed. i find that another fun thing about our laid back holiday (i.e., no company coming, nowhere that we have to be) - we can be flexible like this.

we woke at 10, lay on the couch watching the wet Macy's Parade, and then we suited up to go out into hte practically-freezing rain and go for some pre-feast exercise (although last night's dinner with my parents made it so that it was also post-feast). i did my usual route, but was slow thanks to the weather.

we are now planning on eating by 6.

we were still goign to do our movie marathon. we rented 2 from the video store, and were expecting 2 from netflix. but netflix did not deliver, and we are slightly (or more) disappointed.

beloved was in charge of a classic and a foreign, and i was in charge of a "big dumb" and a creepy. i chose Wicker Man (the original, not the recent one), and Mission Impossible III (i refused to go to the theater to see Tom Cruise when this came out, but I can't wait to watch Philip Seymour Hoffman - i LOVE LOVE LOVE him - as the bad guy). MI III is the one we have, Wicker Man did not arrive (jerk). Beloved chose Diabolique as the foreign (which seems like it will be creepy, too, so that's good), and Sunset Boulevard for the classic, but that one also didn't arrive (jerk).

we are on hte fence about whether or not we can watch a movie while the bird cooks. it's a little bird (10 pounds), and while beloved keeps saying it will be in hte oven for 3 hours, i think it may surprise us and be done in 2, and i'll need to do my taters.

we'll see.

hope everyone's having yummy foods and good fun.

[google docs intrigues me, so i'm trying to create this post on google docs, and then i will publish it to my blog. this would be useful for me in settings where i do not want people to know i have a blog. such as, school, or eventually, work.]

Labels: beloved, cooking, holidays, movies

posted by Zuska @ 2:16 PM 0 comments

the kids are safe and sound, elsewhere

beloved and i had dinner with my parents last night. it was 100% the best meal we've had with them EVER, i think. my father was not offensive, my mother was not annoying. she only used ONE cliche. she was talking about my hair, and said, "yeah, it's short for a minute, but it grows so fast, just wait a minute, and it will be long again. just like the weather in new england, if you don't like it, just wait a minute."

i have complained many a time that EVERY REGION in this country (except, perhaps, the southwest desert regions) uses that cliche. "you know what they say in Alabama, if you don't like the weather, just wait a minute." "you know what they said in Virginia, if you don't like weather, just wait a minute." "well, you know we have a saying here in Florida, if you don't like the weather, just wait a minute."

but otherwise, we had good conversations and a good time. the food truly was fantastic, too.

schlurg and i were both late, though. 2+ hours late. yes, we had *that* much traffic. beloved and i arrived at our meeting spot at 5:45 (the meeting time was 4), and the schlurg was about 20 minutes away. he then got off the exit, but had forgotten my directions at home, and didn't know his way around the city streets. he was angry at me for "not helping." but i don't live in that town, that state --- i don't know my way around the city streets.

jesus, hasn't he ever heard of mapquest? hasn't he ever thoguht about taking care of his own damned self?

but it was truly fine, and not an issue.

the girls were, as usual, very good in the car. they both listened to their ipods for a while - but j. got sick of it, and started to play around, and made my fingers dance to the music on the radio, but e. listened to a book on tape on her pod, and fell asleep to it, for a couple of hours. considering that the drive was twice as long as it should have been - they were great.

as i had said, my mom did not understand my desire for later dinner reservations. since we were meeting the ex at 4, she thought we should have 5:00 reservations. guess what? when my dad and i drove by the restaurant on the way to meet hte schlurg at the location which he was lost, we dropped beloved and mom off at the restaurant to get the table - it was 6:29. dad and i got there at 6:40.

our dinner was at a relatively posh italian restaurant. man, my parents have changed since i was little. this restuarant was Summer Associate quality. and my parents ordered 4 courses. which is one more than Summer Associate stuff. we had 2 appetizers for the table, then a soup/salad course. we shared a lot of stuff, which was very cool, and since i was still incredibly full, a very good idea.

very yummy.

the traffic on the way back was lighter than light, and we had a quick drive, and got home at .... uh .... 11:30.

next post: today's menu and my list of thankfuls.

Labels: ex-relations, family, food, holidays, mom

posted by Zuska @ 10:16 AM 1 comments

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