Up at the crack of dawn again - only this time, I don't feel like going running. I went to the pool with the kiddos yesterday, and swam laps for 90 minutes. 90 minutes??!! What am I, insane? That was after running in the morning. Tomorrow, I'm going to join the gym (my free-student days are over), and will start going to the gym before BarBri, instead of running. I'm more productive at the gym.

I got out of the pool yesterday and found myself utterly exhausted. I somehow ended up with an extra kid (it had been 2, but the second was old enough to walk herself home earlier for a bday party), and so had to walk her home. My kids' bikes were at their house, so it wasn't so out of the way. But then she wanted to ride bikes with my kids, and her mom isn't the world's best at saying no. Since she ended up coming home with me, I guess either am I. Except when I said yes, her mom was going to bring the kids to the park (because it's her kid who just learned how to ride and needs an adult to feel safe -- not mine), but then last minute, she bailed.

So I brought Harry Potter 6 and some water bottles to a bench in the park. I was too exhausted to work on Torts, anyway.

Then I called my brother and his wife, who I hadn't talked to since I went to visit their baby in CT a MONTH ago.

My mom's been pushing me to go to CT either this weekend (too late!) or next. The only thing that makes me want to is so I can see the baby. But I just don't have time. It stinks when you don't have time to do something like "see a baby" b/c they're only little for a short time! If I don't see the baby until after my trip to Europe (which will be the case unless they come here), he will be almost 4 months old! That's a very different baby than I saw when he was 3 days old.

My Sister In Law said she wants to come here, though, even if it's just for dinner. So maybe I'll get to see him.

Then kid's mom came to pick up her kid, and I ended up bringing her and her kid into the house for dinner. This house which I never have time to clean b/c I'm always studying for the bar.

Beloved wasn't too happy with me b/c 1) the house was a mess; and 2) he was hoping we'd have leftovers for lunches during the week. We aren't used to feeding the kids lunches at home. When they're in school, they eat school lunch (in our school where the push for all-natural and organic foods in the cafeteria makes this a reasonable option), or bring sandwiches from home. But now that they're home every day, we need to really feed them.

I nonetheless brought them home for dinner, and expect that Beloved will 1) get over it, and 2) find a way to become more flexible about bringing friends over. I have hesitated to have people over spontaneously for 3 years now because of the size of our place (tiny), and I'm really tired of it. I want to be walking down the street, run into a friend, and say, "hey! come on over for a cup of coffee!" without worrying that it's gonna piss someone off. So I need him to be more flexible.

The house, really, wasn't even that bad. It was a cluttered, but I swept through in 90 seconds and got the most unsightly taken care of (i.e., a pile of clean, unmatched socks on the living room floor, 3 pairs of shoes, a pile of BarBri answer sheets/books, and a pile of the kids' summer homework). Furthermore, I've been to many people's houses, and their day-to-day lives create the same kind of atmosphere. There are piles on tables, under tables, on counters. Dishes are often dirty in sinks, dirty clothes on bathroom floors. And they don't seem to give a shit.

I received a strange combination of genes from my parents. My mother is a neat-freak. She is the person who will take your cup of coffee from your HAND in order to clean it and put it away. She spent so much time cleaning when I was young, I was convinced that she cared more about cleaning than she did about me.

I somehow responded by having an anti-cleaning gene. That cup of coffee can sit on the floor next to the couch all damned-day without phasing me.

UNLESS

we're having people over (planned guests, this is understandable, it's the quick stop-by guests, or the kids' play-dates or the cable guy that makes me think I'm a bit off). Then - BAM! I need absolute perfection. I want the floors polished, every dish sparkling, every child and/or husband's possession in its place, out of my living room, and shiny. I start looking at places I didn't know existed, and I want them perfect. Under the couch, the side of the fridge that's against the wall, the underneath of the kitchen sink.

And so, if things aren't that way, I feel like I can't have anyone in my house.

I so need to hire someone next year. Although, again, the size of the place embarrasses me, and it seems like too much to ask someone to try and make sense of it all.

Labels: apartment, babies, beloved, friends, weekends

posted by Zuska @ 7:05 AM 4 comments

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

fires and wires.

Our fire alarm went off tonight - the building-wide one. We have little smoke alarms in our apartment, but then there's a building wide one that is triggered for more serious smoke. It has been set off in the past by burned foods on stove tops down the hall, but never by us.

We all left our building, and the firemen came and turned it off. It was nothing. No surprise there.

When I was going down to do the laundry, though, I did smell something slightly burny in the hallways. It smelled kind of plasticky.

I told Beloved about the smell when I got back to our apartment, and he said, "you know, while you were down in the laundry room, our door buzzer buzzed, and I went to see who it was, and there was no one there. Then I went to the back door, and there was no one there." I said, "eh, someone probably pushed the wrong button." he said, "No, we can always hear the buzz of the door being opened." True. "Probably just kids I said."

Then it happened again. No one in either lobby waiting to be let in.

He says he's a little worried that it's a short, and that there's something going on with the wiring in the walls, and that's what triggered the alarm, and that the fire department missed something. I said, "oh no! then we'll have a fire in our walls!" Then I said, "I think it's kids. I'm going in the hallway to watch."

I went into the hallway, and kept my eyes peeled.

I thought it was the kids downstairs. There are 2 apartments in the basement (it's only 1/2 underground), and they both have kids around E and J's ages in them. They tend to both leave their apartment doors open, and the parents let the kids just go wild in the basement hallway. I personally find it completely inappropriate and obnoxious. I don't see them as paying rent for the hallways. Not more than I do ... and you don't see me setting up a folding table and having a party down there. I mean, seriously. Close your damned door.

So I figured it was those kids, horsing around downstairs, and getting clever with the door buzzers.

Even though I'd just been in the laundry room, and both doors were closed.

But, whatever.

I stood in the hallway. No kids. No noises. But a woman and her baby were coming through the back lot, so I knew if there WERE kids, they'd be waiting until it was "all clear."

I felt like a bit of a stalker or something, lurking in the hallway (not to mention the fact that I could hear every word of the conversation between a husband and wife in an apartment back there as they cooked dinner), so I went back to my house while I waited for the mom and baby to get in and up the stairs.

I went back out, just to watch. Beloved said if it happened again, he thought we should call the building manager, and I just wanted to be sure before we bothered him at home that it wasn't horseplay.

Sure enough, after about 30 seconds, from between 2 cars in the parking lot comes a boy. Not a downstairs boy. Not an "I live here, too" boy, but rather, a boy from E's grade. He runs up the steps, oh-so-stealthily, sees me through window, and turns and runs away. Following after him? 2 more boys from E's grade.

I ran down the stairs, opened the door and yelled, [Boy One's name], [Boy Two's Name] and [Boy Three's Name]! I almost called the fire department! Stop ringing our buzzer!!!"

I came inside laughing. Beloved said, "E mail their moms!" I said, nah. I'd rather them be on pins and needles wondering if I would e-mail their moms. This is the most innocent of childhood pranks. If they keep it up after being caught, okay - I'll consider contacting moms. But not for this.

E, though, was indignant, and she and J went to the park where the boys were congregating. This is a very .... lush park. It's not that big, but it's pretty big and tree-filled for a city park. The neighborhood surrounding it is mostly $1 million (and higher) homes. Even the ones that are actually condos, but look like a castle. I would say that in the horseshoe that surrounds the park, there are likely 30 households, including my building, which has 14 of those. The park is mostly used as a toddler park and a dog park.

One of the 3 boys just moved to this neighborhood. He's been in our school district forever, and is friends with the other two, and now they're all in the same neighborhood. Not necessarily the best combo, in my opinion. It's a combination of boys that E has struggled with in the past at recess, and now ... they're in our backyard.

One of them had a Nerf Gun. (They had it when I saw them in the parking lot), and when E went out there, and "chased them" - they chased her back, while aiming the "nerf gun." I thought she meant a water gun, so I laughed and said, "did you get wet?" She said, "No, Mom, it wasn't a water gun, it was a nerf gun. It shot arrows, and I didn't appreciate getting shot, and you need to e-mail their moms." I still said no, b/c she went out there to confront them. She chased them first (even though she later tried to say no she didn't, but J verified that the first version was correct). I thought she'd go out there and they'd all laugh. I wish I didn't let her go out.

While folding laundry I thought it over a bit more. I'm really not that happy to think that we're going to have park issues this summer. I've been looking forward to the girls having free play time there, and if the boys act like a little harassing posse (as they've done in the past, and it was stopped only by E's getting adult interference and the boys being spoken to by the principal), the girls aren't going to want to go.

Also, I don't want boys shooting a gun (nerf or not) at my daughters. I don't think it's an appropriate way to behave toward others in a public place and with people who didn't consent to, and don't enjoy, that type of play.

I am not contacting mothers today, and I told E as much. However, if they continue to shoot a gun at her (I think I'm going to except water guns, but we'll see), and if they continue to harass the girls when they go to the park, I will intervene.

And then out comes my insecurity "oh, but they're home owners, and we're renters, and what if there's just nothing we can do about it b/c they actually have more of a right to be there?"

Where the hell does that come from?

Labels: *E*, *J*, apartment, kids, park

posted by Zuska @ 7:50 PM 0 comments

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Getting over it.

Our apartment is kinda small. We have 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, and then a very healthily sized open space that is the living room, dining room and kitchen. Those rooms aren't really cramped, but we could really use MORE rooms.

Because of this, and my feelings about it, I am always hesitant to have people over. I don't like having both girls invite people over, b/c there isn't anywhere for 2 sets of kids to GO.

I am trying to get over it. I'm trying to think of ways we can have people over. Last night, j. had a friend over, and they slept on the couches in the living room (made up as beds). e. was talking with a friend about when they could have a sleep over, and I took a deep breath and said, "she can sleep over here tonight."

I am also wondering if we can have other families over. I'm thinking that perhaps if mine and beloved's room is clean enough, we can put the t.v. in there, and perhaps have a movie going for kids who may want to watch a movie, and then other kids can play games in the girls' room, and the adults can sit in the living room or at the dining table? Perhaps?

I do think I need to find a way to get over it. We really cannot move any time soon. I would like for my social life to be richer. I can't do it if I'm not willing to open my doors to people.

Labels: apartment, friendship, kids, life

posted by Zuska @ 1:29 PM 0 comments

Monday, November 06, 2006

a flop

well, the apartment wasn't so hot. it would be nice to have the extra rooms that it offers, but the rooms we already have (living room, for example) are much smaller there than they are here. Which means we wouldn't get the benefit of extra rooms, because they would instantly be full of our stuff that doesn't fit into the rooms that we already do have.

the agent who showed us the place knows our building well. he said he thinks we have about 1000 square feet now, and that the new one is 1200.

we also didn't like the set up. we would miss our open floor plan, and end up trading it for basically a single hallway with a bunch of little rooms coming off of it. the kitchen was awful, and although it's advertised as an "eat in kitchen" - it has this built in shelf/table thing that is meant to seat 2. The 4 of us could not eat there. Then there was this odd room off the kitchen that would fit our table, but i'm not sure we could all fit in there with it, and if we could, we'd feel like we were eating in a closet. Furthermore, when you walk in the buliding and look down the hallway, all you see are the old crusty washer and dryer .... not fun.

what i loved about it .... the front stairway belongs solely to the third floor (the one we were looking at) and there was a pretty big area at the foot of the stairs, which locks and only we would have access to ... where bikes could be stored, and which we could use as a mudroom.

oh well.

i am down about it. i don't want to move there. There's no way that once I start making Firm Money I would want to stay in that apartment, and we're not up for moving twice in 2 years. No freaking way. but i do feel so cramped. I know I'm a whiner and a baby and a brat, but I would love to get the girls their own room, and us a study, and a mud room wouldn't hurt, either.

perhaps i just need to stop going to other people's houses.

Labels: apartment, family, housing, rent

posted by Zuska @ 8:16 PM 0 comments

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