(sorry to all readers who don't want to hear about these things)

When I'm feeling a wee crampy, and the thought pops into my mind, "hm? when did I last get my period?" I can search my own posts for the word "period" and find that on 4/23, I complained about being crampy and grouchy due to my period.

Which means it makes sense to feel crampy on 5/21. To be otherwise would be worrisome.

Labels: blog, life

posted by Zuska @ 2:16 PM 1 comments

Mugs

I am having a slower start than I expected [flag this as the understatement of the day]. I planned to leave here at 9, go to the gym, then drop off my loan paperwork and then come home. 9 a.m. turned into 10:15, and I realized that it had gotten too late for me to go to the gym prior to putting food in my stomach. Or else I'd be too weak. So I boiled some eggs. Now I'm waiting for them to cool to a temperature appropriate for salting and eating.

In the meantime, I'd like to tell a story about Zuska the Dork.

I have a thing for mugs. I like pretty mugs. Sometimes, it seems foolish of me to like and therefore purchase pretty mugs, b/c I typically purchase coffee and tea from Starbucks or ABP, or some other cafe. But when I'm home, and I brew my own coffee, I want it in a pretty mug.

When Beloved and I moved here from CA, I had to get rid of a lot of mugs. Mugs tend to get chipped around here, too, so I've lost others in that manner.

And, since we've been here, my cafe drinking and my budget have steered me away from buying mugs. I've gotten a couple as gifts, but I haven't really bought a pretty mug in a long time.

Yesterday, I brought E to cello, and went on my usual trek to Starbucks in order to a) get my daily caffeine injection, and b) kill time before I could retrieve her.

While in Starbucks, I saw a Pretty Mug. It was a little taller than usual (and since I drink larger than usual cups of coffee, it was perfect), and had a pretty red floral-ish, hippy-ish design. I said, "that would be a perfect "you finished law school" gift for myself." And I bought it. It was $8.

They gave it to me in a handled bag, which I like to have in the house because they're useful for packing lunches, etc. I had on my Timbuk2 bag, but it was full of stuff, and I thought that the mug may not be safe in there as I got on and off the T with E and her cello and so forth. So I kept it in my hand.

As I was getting off the T to get E, post-Starbucks, I was thinking, "maybe I should put it in my ba----"

I didn't think the "g" in "bag" b/c as it was about to enter my articulated thoughts .... the handle of the bag slipped out of my fingers, and the bag fell to the ground.

Of course, I thought, the mug broke. But I checked anyway. It was broke.

I threw away $8. Basically. Little budget-zuska, trying so hard to make her limited summer-funds last the summer, decided to splurge and spend $8 on a mug, and then she dropped it.

Beloved said, "sweetie, you weren't meant to have that mug." I stomped my foot (loudly) and said, "I'm replacing it!" He said if I try, I'll be tempting the fates.

Fuck the fates. I'm replacing it.

Labels: beloved, life

posted by Zuska @ 10:42 AM 0 comments

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Now, 3/4ths Done

And it's a good thing, because the week is 4/5ths over [noon tomorrow is the cut-off].

I just uploaded one of my 2 take home exams. It is 8:46 a.m. I must go to school, and I think work out, and then hole up in the library to complete the FINAL take home exam. I would really love to hand it in before I leave school today to pick up the girls. Imagine? Friday OFF? Done a day early? That would be divine.

Perhaps, though, reckless. I'm working on pretty low energy and brain power at this point. Sleeping on this take home tonight and then leaving tomorrow a.m. for any final polishing may be wise.

I was actually starting to have panic attacks in bed last night. We went to bed at 11:30, and I was exhausted. As soon as I tried to fall asleep, though, my heart started to race, thinking about my 2 take homes, the 2 exams I took in class, what my evals will look like, the end of law school, not being in classes anymore, starting work, taking the bar exam, starting BarBri ....

So then I started to think about Lost, which was good last night, and the world of make believe calmed me down and I fell to sleep.

I left my bike at school yesterday for the first time in 3 years. We had some nasty thunderstorms (perhaps even tornados inland in this state, and near my home town in that other state down there) while I was writing about torture and enemy combatants, and then the temp dropped from the 70s to the 40s. I had on flip-flops and capris and NO rain coat. So I took the T home. I hope my bike's okay. I hope no one took it. Or the tires off of it. That would suck.

We woke up this a.m. to no power. That was strange. Fortunately my alarm clock is battery operated. E usually showers in the a.m., but since there was no hot water, I let her sleep in. MISTAKE! The girl's a grouch without a shower to wake her up and make her smiley. And then J had fits over shoes and socks - nothing was comfortable. Socks were too thin, shoes were too tight, and she has a walking field trip today. She has like 100 pairs of shoes. I don't know why she was suddenly insisting that they all SUCK. Not to mention the 200 pairs of socks.

Labels: exams, kids, law school, life

posted by Zuska @ 8:45 AM 0 comments

Friday, May 04, 2007

Exams ... or Backstory?

Googiebaba asks for my back story -- why Liberty -- after reading my last post. When this blog was a baby, I tackled probably 50% of what I see as my back story. The third installment has been in draft form since November of '05.

I think that studying for exams is really 100% conducive to re-visiting the story. A little IP here, a little "Zuska used to be a born-again" there. A super nice mix.

For now, I'll link to the first two installments:

Religiosity I

Religiosity II

When I get home from the bank and the grocery store, where I'm going after I fold the clothes, and then after I get another section of the IP syllabus outlined; I'll work on Part III.

There is a large part of me that worries about re-posting these. I worry about my parents stumbling onto my blog. Yet, this is my story. This is how I see my story. I do not feel that I'm being hateful, and I do feel that I'm looking at my own behavior and decisions more than I am at theirs from that time in MY life.

Labels: liberty university, life, religion

posted by Zuska @ 1:14 PM 2 comments

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Contentment

I certainly have the growing pains that come with life in general -- kids getting older; careers moving forward; the end of school.

Besides those things, I am really so content right now.

This morning, I was looking for my summer slides; the brown leather Clarke's that I love, and was happy to remember as I donned my new [smaller size] brown capris and white t-shirt. While rifling through the floor of my closet, strewn with winter boots and shirts that fell off hangers, I came across a bag that holds 2 unfinished cross-stitch projects and one journal.

It used to hold more journals.

When I was married to the ex, and started these cross-stitch projects, I used the bag as a journal-hiding-spot.

I used to write in the journals often -- I wrote about my loneliness; I wrote about the lack of trust I had in my husband; I wrote about the loveless marriage I was stuck in.

Right now, this blog is pretty much my only journal. I have others. They're near my bed. Every now and then I pick one up and write goofy things, like "2nd year of law school; I'm busy; girls are great; Beloved is great ...." and then I put it back down, bc really, the old reason for journals - privately complaining about my misery - just doesn't exist anymore.

I also found myself looking around the other day at some of the tumultuous times that people in my community are going through - possible divorce; health issues; angst over different loves; etc., and I thought - wow. I'm okay right now. At so many points in my life, I had something going on - something hard. Right now .... not so much.

I thank Beloved for this, because I am very happy with him, and I love our life ... but I also thank myself. I am grateful that I got out of my unhappy situation. And that I found the things that make me happy. Things that make life peaceful. Things that give my kids a happy place to call home, and that can shape them into responsible, respectful and contributory people.

:)

Labels: family, life

posted by Zuska @ 8:44 PM 0 comments

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Nothing so pretty as dark storm clouds

There's a thunderstorm brewing. It's very pretty to see as it's moving toward us. Beloved is likely less amused, as he's pedaling up toward Whole Foods hoping he can shop faster than thunder and lightning can travel. I was just outside chatting with a friend coming to pick up one of his kids and one of mine, and noticed that the temp felt at least 15 degrees cooler than 30 minutes previous, when I was running around the reservoir. Mmmm. Summer-time weather. Hot and sunny one minute and chilled and dark the next.

Feels like a crazy day, but is really just another typical weekend day with girls the ages of mine with vibrant social lives. J was supposed to have soccer this a.m., but it was thankfully canceled due to saturated fields. Thankfully because without thinking, I'd invited a friend over straight after, and the house (especially the girls' room, which is their job) needed some attention. I was up at 7 to check on the fields, and then laid into the kitchen. Man, I went nuts. I scrubbed and threw away and cleared surfaces and drawers that hadn't been cleared in [forever]. I'm proud of my work. I now need to venture to Bed, Bath and Beyond to get a couple of last organizational tools -- a silverware organizer for the drawer that used to be the "junk drawer;" some bins [I love bins] for on top of the fridge, to collect take-out menus (my best friends) and other odds and ends that accumulate (since I no longer have a junk drawer) - which I will promise to put away each time the bin fills (Beloved is snarfing at me as he reads this, I guarantee it). Stuff like that.

Friends came by while this was going on, caught me up on some of what I missed at a party last night,* dropped off their kid, and impulsively took one of mine. I then finished my cleaning and organizing while the younger girls played and Beloved .... I don't know what he did. But then Beloved and I took the girls for a walk - got them some lunch, got me some coffee, and then went to the bank because Beloved and I decided to take a major step and open a joint bank account!!! We had a long-ish wait, so we took the girls to a very fun game and puzzle store in town. They were excellent everywhere.

Then Beloved and I shoved them out to the park and we went hunting for plane tickets to Europe. Ugh. Things aren't so great in that department, but they'll be fine. We'll just have to come home with fewer goodies.

Then I went for a run, and when I got back, the girls were picked up and Beloved went to the store, and I'm home alone! How fun! I actually have to go and write a 1-2 page memo to go with my IP assignment. It's due Monday. I can't blow it off like I've blown off outlining, which is really not officially due ever.

*This was an entire post that I wrote out last night. It touched on how I feel overwhelmed when confronted with the possibility of changing plans, and it discussed the reasons why I chose to stay home from this particular party, and the reasons why it was important to me that I stick to my reasons ... I don't think I articulated in that lost post that I was also quite honored that 2 friends were really unhappy to hear I wasn't going, and tried to change my mind ... but I was also overwhelmed. It was a good post, and I liked it. But as I was looking for a reference link, Firefox just kind of :::::: poof :::::::: disappeared on me. And I lost the whole post. I thought later perhaps that was good, because the post also had some bitterness in it, bitterness about my itty bitty apartment, and some honesty as to the jealousy that I feel toward those who have magazine-worthy homes. And that bitterness is lost now. But so is some fun dreaming about my future laundry room and my future in-home office.

Labels: friends, kids, law school, life, weather, weekends

posted by Zuska @ 4:37 PM 0 comments

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

And in other news ....

I've done most of my International Law reading, and after last week's sabattical from reading, I'd almost forgotten that I like International Law. I like the reading.

***********

I think I'm feeling better than I was this a.m., and am hoping for a good night's sleep tonight so that tomorrow can be a normal day.

***********

I have a parent-teacher conference re: J in the morning -- at 7:30. Geez. What is wrong with me. Why do I schedule things in such a way to cause me pain and suffering? Well, quite simply, b/c the other options were smack dab in the middle of IP.

I'm not anticipating much from this conference. J is doing phenominally both socially and academically. She's a whiz at math, reads at a higher-than-third-grade level, and loves science and social studies. Really, the only thing to think about is next year. Which teacher will work for her? Who will be in her class? That kind of thing. Her teacher has been bringing those things up in other conferences.

Now I know the secret -- school's a free ride until 5th grade. And worse --- 6th grade. When the Honor Roll starts. And real grades.

3rd grade? Pfft.

And it's not even because the work's easy or because my kids are smart (although they are) - it's because they're young. And they love school. And they love their teachers. And life is rosy.

Until 5th grade.

Frizzum Frazzum.

**********

Instead of snow on Thursday, they're now predicting sleet. Woopty Doo.

**********

I bit my tongue at dinner. It hurts. It bled.

**********

I was unable to purchase prepared chicken at Whole Foods. I made a greek salad - complete with home made dressing. I wanted grilled chicken on top. The only cooked grilled chicken at Whole Foods was Korean BBQ. Not gonna work.

So I actually cooked. Fathom that. It was good. Until I bit my tongue. Then the red wine vinegar in the dressing wasn't so good. Then it hurt. I wanted to snack on a couple olives tonight, but now I can't. Because it will hurt.

***********

E had to write a story for school. It was "realistic fiction." She sat down with her teacher today to go over the first draft, and was very happy to have little to no revisions, and the feedback that it was exactly what the teacher was looking for. It's a mystery taking place on the sinking Titanic.

When she was in first grade, she read a Magic Treehouse book about the Titanic. She became obsessed. She then read 1,000,000 books about the Titanic - including those way above 1st grade level. The obsession lasted at least into 2nd grade. Perhaps longer. She wanted to watch the movie once she heard about it (when talking with friends about all she learned, their reference point was Jack and Rose). I told her I would only let her watch the movie if she wrote a report about everything she learned. She did. She even illustrated it. It was great.

I didn't think I would see her rekindle this interest. But her assignment was to write a "realistic fiction" story. She chose to write a mystery, set on the Titanic.

I think it's fun, and I'm proud of her.

Labels: kids, life, school

posted by Zuska @ 9:26 PM 2 comments

Friday, April 06, 2007

Insult, Compliment, or Nothing to do with ME

A friend came by to drop off her kiddo a bit ago. She's been here several times - when the house ready for company, when I'm in the midst of deep cleaning, when I'm in the midst of exams and the place looks like shit, while Beloved is in the process of cooking a meal and the kitchen looks crazy but smells fantastic --- she knows this place.

Today she walked in as the girls were playing a card game on the floor and I was sitting on the couch checking e-mail. She said, "your house is so quiet!" slight pause, "and clean!"

I laughed, thinking, "surprise, surprise, Zuska's house is clean" - not really insulted, b/c, really, my house is always cluttered. Not DIRTY, mind you, but cluttered. Reason being we're shoving 2500 square feet worth of people and belongings into a 1000 square foot (or less) apartment. Considering that fact, we don't do too bad.

But then her daughter (8 years old) laughed, and said "that's because OUR house is so messy and loud!"

Okay, then.

Nothing to do with me. Or my "clean" house.

Labels: friendship, housework, life

posted by Zuska @ 10:45 AM 0 comments

Friday, March 30, 2007

I entered a contest ....

The other day, i decided to vacuum the living room. Unfortunately, I do this only once a month. This is bad of me. I should do it more than once a week, especially since two cats have allowed me to live with them. (On the plus side, we have largely hardwood floors ... the carpet isn't so large, and we do sweep several times a week, if not daily.) I was very frustrated, b/c little piles of dirt kept accumulating very time I paused with the vacuum, and I hate that. I have never had a vacuum that just SUCKS EVERYTHING UP. Why oh why is it always so frustrating?

Then I saw why. The bag was full. Of course. Because it was something I hadn't thought of in forever. I thought, "no problem, I have bags in the closet."

But of course (again), the bags in the closet were for the OTHER vacuum. The one Beloved brought into our world, and which I hate, what with the dragging and the hose and the attachments. Ptooey.

No RR bags. The letters required by my STUPID NON-SUCKING vacuum.

And of course, upon visiting the local stores, there are no RR bags to be found.

Does anyone reading remember that I do not have a car?

Does anyone remember that Beloved and I hit a damned tree with our zipcar a month or so ago, and until they get the claim straighted out, I'm suspended from renting cars?

So I can't even go to Target to get the RR bag.

Beloved has been drooling over a Dyson vacuum for years. They're bagless.

BAG-LESS!! No need to run to Target. No "overfilling of the bag."

But they're expensive.

I thought they were like $1500.

This post says no, they're $400.

Which is a lot, when you consider that most vacuums (that I've owned) cost less than $75.

But then there's this contest .... put on by Five Minutes for Mom. I'm a mom. I have two kids. They're kinda big, but they still make considerable messes. They tend to kick up the carpet with dancing and with playing of board games, and other assorted activities.

We also refer to me as the "mom" of my boy. He's a very large carpet-offender (and couches, and chairs, and coats and piles of clean laundry). His little friend is really no better.

So, I'd like to win. I want the vacuum.

Labels: housework, life

posted by Zuska @ 8:22 PM 5 comments

Sunday, March 25, 2007

My Growing Up Process

Something that's been on my mind:

When I got married the first time, I had just turned 21. I had graduated from college approximately 6 months earlier; I graduated college in May, and was married in December.

I remember when I returned to college for my Junior year. It was my second year living away from home, as my parents made me spend my first year at a local commuter college, because they didn't feel I was "mature enough" to live out from under their watchful eyes (100% based on the fact that they were aware that I had a sexual relationship with my boyfriend during my senior year of high school).

I had needed my car, because I had acquired a position with the University's Student Government, and had a lot of responsibilities that would require transportation - especially in the kind of "city" where I attended school. There was no public transportation . My little car couldn't hold everything that I needed and we didn't quite trust that it wouldn't crap out on the way, and so my parents drove the 10 hour drive in front of me -- and my siblings came along, too. I think they all went somewhere for vacation after dropping me off.

I distinctly remember the distaste I had for my parents. The feelings of leaving my home town was a euphoric one - that there was nothing worthwhile there, nothing for me. I wanted so badly to be out - not only from the town, but from my parents' home.* It was the same three months previous - when I left college after my first year away from home. I remember lying on the back seat of their car, wracked with depression over the loss of the independence I had found, even in the very strict confines of my college environment. It also had much to do with the isolation I was returning to. Going from a closed campus, where I saw every student at the cafeteria (at least) every day to my parents' home in a rural town felt like torture.

Similarly, when I returned to my home town after college graduation, I was miserable. Shortly after my return, however, my BFF from college joined me in home state, and I found a renewed love for New England. I was facing my upcoming marriage, thought I was leaving for ever (as my fiance was in Birmingham, Alabama, where I would be joining him, and where he was applying for post-law-school jobs), and was starting to understand it was "time to grow up." These positive feelings continued through my departure. Ahhh, home. Let me breathe it in and enjoy it while I have it. One particular day in late August, I remember driving on the freeway, on my way home from work. I had the windows down at the end of an 85 degree day - dressed in a sleeveless dress. The wind coming into the car was cool with impending fall, and it was so delicious on my skin, in such a "late summer New England" way. I was sad that I was leaving, but happy that I knew what it was, and how it tasted.

Throughout my marriage to the ex, I lived far away from my home town. Every time I came home - regardless of the time of year, I drank it in. I loved the rolling hills - whether they were green in spring/summer, white with snow in the winter, or gray with pre-spring barity in the late winter. I loved the rocky landscape, and the sound of the crickets and the birds.

During and after my divorce, however, I went through another period of shunning my roots and origins. I wanted nothing to do with my parents, nothing to do with "home." I hated going there, I hated when they came to visit. I envisioned judgment at every turn - from my parents, from their friends. Even the rocks embedded in the hills of New England turned my stomach. I assigned to my parents the very roles they had when I was a teenager.

I often look back and think that the reason for that - for my negativity during a time where perhaps (and only perhaps) cleaving to my parents would have made life (temporarily) easier - was due to the fact that my childhood and my early adulthood did not allow for a true growing up, or a true coming into my own. That for me, shedding that child-like marriage was the same as shedding childhood. I needed that separation to find me - the real Zuska. I could not cleave to my parents - to my home town - and still find what was important to me. I could not re-set my goals.

So I stayed away. My parents were hurt by my behavior, and still talk of that time as a very sad one for them. But I don't think it was my job, at 28 years of age, to placate my parents. I've told them honestly - I needed both the emotional and the geographical distance in order to become me. I had to find ME.

But once I found me, I went back. I was able to embrace my parents. I was able to return to my home town without feeling the judgment (or at least not on the same scale). I was able to think of me, Zuska, as being "from New England" - and was able to enjoy the rocks again. The snow. The smells and the sounds. I don't enjoy it, as I did just after college, as the kid who lives with her parents. I enjoy as a separate person. An adult. With kids of my own, and a husband who I love, and a new life being forged. Such a different life, too.

I am happy with the balance I've found. I am happy with the dance of closeness/distance that I created. Both with the people and the locale of my origins. I can see where I come from - its weaknesses and its strengths, and either improve upon or incorporate them. Sometimes, the weaknesses creep in and I don't see them - they're in that blind spot** that's in front of your face. Sometimes I shun the strengths without realizing what they are - but I'm always trying, and always aware, and I'm not rejecting for the sake of rejecting.

I feel like I've come to peace with where I came from, and where I am, and where I'm headed, and how the first relates to the last.***

*This desire was equally strong a year previous - when I left for Virginia the first time. However, when my parents decided - approximately 3 weeks before my departure date - to take in an "exchange student/teacher," and that she could have my bedroom ... I was highly affronted. This was not only upsetting as I was forced to clean my room "company-style" while readying to head off for college for the first time, but remained a point of contention. Really, to this DAY I harbor bitterness. Like over the time that I was home for spring break, and the law office I'd worked for in the past called with a one-time job for me - requiring my car - and I went outside to get into my car (which I paid for in full - purchase and upkeep, but had left home while at college because parking was not available for Freshmen and Sophomores), and watched as the "exchange student" drove it down the drive way to meet a friend for lunch. Not to mention when she would gleefully tell me in her Mexican accent that she was now my parents' oldest daughter, and that I was therefore her little sister, and must listen to everything she said. Bitch. No, fucking bitch.

I have very deep-seated issues regarding my parents and foreign exchange students. When I was even younger (13? 14?) we had a person come for a month or so from Spain. She was a tad younger than me, but her arrival created such fervor in my house. Oh! Let's impress her!! She wants to go to Washington D.C.? well then, let's take her to D.C.!! What? Zuska's wanted to go to D.C. since she was 2? Oh, well, then doesn't this provide the perfect opportunity!!" I hated her. And therefore, when I was forced to go to Spain to visit her a year later, I hated that too.

Zuska was an idiot in her early teens.

** Thanks to Anonymous Law Student for this link - although try as I might, I could not make the damned spot disappear.

*** This does not mean that I've outgrown being embarrassed of my parents. I mean, geez. When you go to a restaurant, can you please, please, please!!!! try not to YELL? I mean, seriously. Must you say "SO, J., DID YOU LIKE BEING IN A PLAY!!!" she's across the table. It's a narrow table. So narrow that there isn't room for your plate, her plate, and a roll of paper towels (yeah, it was that kind of restaurant, and I was still embarrassed). Some things never change. Yet, when I ask my dad to keep his voice down, I'm wracked with guilt. I read every face he makes as he tastes his food as sadness that I said something. I worry that he's embarrassed, and that my saying "dad, shhh!" hurt his feelings and ruined his visit. Agh!!! Why the HELL did I talk of "peace" up there????

Labels: life, memories

posted by Zuska @ 7:22 PM 1 comments

Saturday, March 24, 2007

The good, the bad and the ugly

Play is over! I think it went really well. It's also nice that it's over.

It's also nice that I came home to an e-mail from E's cello teacher saying he has to play in a concert tomorrow a.m., and so he can't do E's lesson. Which means we have the day OFF!!

I always think that, and then friends of the girls inevitably call, and we end up running all over town doing drop off and pick up.

I also really liked helping with the play, as I've said before. I enjoyed being with the kids and the other parents who helped out. I like being a "go to" person, and enjoyed taking on that role for the first time in this school. It's unfortunate that next year I'll be slaving away as a first year associate at Future Firm, and likely won't get to have the same depth of a role that I had this time. I will still be able to be present at performances, but not at rehearsals, and that's what enabled me to have a deeper presence at the performances.

Unfortunately, as seems inevitable in these settings, I did have an incident this evening where there was a "misunderstanding" as the result of too many people giving too many directions about one single thing, and wires were crossed, and someone ended up mad at me for "taking her job" -- or her kid's job, or something. Hopefully it's something that won't be an issue once time passes and the stress of the evening is in the past. I honestly did nothing other than what people asked of me ... it just appears that it's the same thing that OTHER people asked of her. I think. I'm not really sure.

On the brighter side - my kids were great. E had a relatively meaty part which she performed with sparkle and pizazz. We got many compliments throughout the day - even from complete strangers while walking home from dinner! A neighbor suggested that due to E's strong singing voice we pull her from her fun theater "club" thing that she does after school, and put her in the more serious theater group in town. E thinks she wants to look into it. Her love of acting and performing has to be strong if it's going to pull her away from the social setting of the group she's been involved with for so long.

Tomorrow, we will watch Meet the Press and I will force my children to clean their room. I will try to read some Intellectual Property and perhaps even some (ewwwww!!!) Securities Regulation. We shall see ....

Labels: kids, life, parenting

posted by Zuska @ 10:16 PM 0 comments

Friday, March 23, 2007

Happy Friday!

I was so worried that skipping the gym yesterday was going to be a trend that I went NUTS today. I upped my workout by a hell of a lot.

I also tried a new machine - the Tread Climber. I can't find the one that's in my gym on the internet to show you all. But they say it's a combination b/t a stair climber and a treadmill, and is supposed to burn more calories (up to twice as many) as the regular treadmill. It has two belts - so it looks like a treadmill cut in half - and each one goes up and down, alternating. So you're stepping up.

It took me some getting used to the different step, but once I did, it went very quickly, and I liked it. I can also really feel the burn in my legs from it, still. Burn is good.

I am thinking of waking early (but not TOO early - perhaps 8) tomorrow a.m. to run to the gym before my parents get here.

I've been home for 2 hours, and have not cracked a single law school book. I have cleaned the kitchen, straightened the living room, written emails, and checked my fave blogs.

Priorities, after all.

Labels: exercise, life

posted by Zuska @ 1:08 PM 1 comments

Feels like Saturday

Because of the play last night, it didn't feel like my alarm should be going off this morning. I even woke up prior to the alarm, sort of disoriented.

I'm off to the gym. I purposefully left books that I need over the weekend in my locker so that if I was feeling lazy this a.m., I would have to go to the school - and therefore the gym.

I love the way I have to trick myself sometimes.

My parents decided not to sleep over, which makes the weekend a little less complicated, and perhaps more enjoyable. They were going to "leave their house at 7" (a.m.) tomorrow - but I told them that's too early. We're all beat after this week, and the kids will be moreso tomorrow after they star in the play tonight. When my parents say 7 - my dad pushes it to 6:40. I don't want them here at 8:45. No thank you. I told her that they can't come before 10.

I really should read after the gym today.

The kids should be home from school at around 2:15 - but they have stuff to do, and perhaps I can continue reading then.

Ha! Like I have ever been able to read when the kids were in a 1/2 mile radius!!

Labels: law school, life, parents, weekends

posted by Zuska @ 7:50 AM 0 comments

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Unproductive again!!!

I arrived at the library shortly after noon, armed with lunch, tons of reading, and (oops) my computer.

It is now 1:08 p.m. I have wasted 1 hour and 8 minutes. I've read 2 pages. Literally. Out of 20. For ONE CLASS (I did the first 1/2 of this reading last week)!! Then I have at least a hundred other pages to read.

I have things that would be fun, but imprudent, to blog about. So I'm left with nothing but a recitation of the reading that lies before me.

It is interesting reading - I'm liking International Law more than I expected that I would, and the Security/Liberty class less than I expected I would. The other two are somewhere in the middle, with IP creeping a hair ahead of Securities.

By the way - last night was my evening class, and the prof was there EARLY. I think we needed to walk out last week. Really and truly. Or else he'd just keep coming late. Which is 100% not okay.

Even with him being on time last night, he wanted to keep us past 7. Someone braver than I said, "I can't stay." And then I nodded in agreement. So he said, "okay, I'll tell you what, just stay 10 more minutes for a recap ...."

Obviously, I didn't drop the class.

I felt like I couldn't. Future Firm told me to take this class. Dammit.

Also, I signed up for PMBR today.

I'm taking the 3 day class that is held one week before the bar exam.

People said, "oh, you should take the 6 day earlier in the summer, and THEN the 3 day last minute." Others said, "if you're not doing the 6 day, you should definitely do the earlier 3 day (which is the weekEND before the 4th of July).

I said - pshaw to the lot of you. I'm someone who does well with short term memory, it will not kill me to do the 3 day a week in advance - not if I'm already working on the material on my own. Listening to CDs while running and so forth.

Also, my daughters are leaving on 7/5. We are going into downtown Boston for the day on 7/4, and then the next day, they leave for 5 weeks. I'm not going to spend the 3 days prior to that in a PMBR class.

I have made these sorts of decisions all through law school, and have yet to fail something because of it. It's not like I'm saying, "I am not studying for hte bar exam."

Right?

Obviously, I'm looking for approval of my decision.

Labels: bar exam, law school, life

posted by Zuska @ 1:08 PM 2 comments

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Connection

This morning I had an inkling that my efforts to become more of a part of my community are paying off. It felt really good. I am hoping that the new job (in late September) doesn't rid me of these forward steps, but I somehow doubt it will. Turns out many people in this community are balancing careers and families - and many of them are doing so with demanding careers, job changes, and other pressures. It is one of the high-points of the kids getting older, I think. More moms are going back to work, increasing work, etc.

Labels: life

posted by Zuska @ 5:41 PM 0 comments

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Busy Signal Blogging (i.e., Voting for American Idol)

Tonight's voting strategy -- people who we like, but who we think may need help:

Chris Sligh
Gina whatever-whose-it
Lakisha
Blake

We, of course, loved Melinda, but just don't think she needs help. I almost think she should just get voted off -- she's going to have an amazing singing career no matter what happens from here on out. She doesn't need American Idol, and she should just leave it to the lesser-beings. I don't think the same of Lakisha, because I think that her weight works against her. Unfortunately. Which is why I never think, despite her voice, that she's a sure thing.

So I vote for her. Every week. 10 times.

2 things we found weird tonight:

1) The judges' dislike of Blake's song
2) The judges' love of Jordin's song. They even put her in the same category as Melinda and Lakisha. I did NOT get it. Not one bit.

_____________________________

Play practice was a bore today. As it turns out, the directors have 2 interns helping out on Tuesdays, and really don't need me. I wish I had figured this out last week, and stayed at school today. Alas, I did not. Today was my last Tuesday, that is for certain.

E had cello practice, and was one pooped-out pup after play practice. I think she did okay, though. We got home at 7:15. God, I am so sick of these late evenings!! I just want to come home, at 3:30 or 4, and just rest and do quiet, home-like things until dinner time. I don't want to be rushing in the door. I'm sick of rushing in the door.

Prepositions and Prepositional Phrases are still a demon possessing our home.

It is 10:45. I am tired. I have 20 pages of IP to read. I have 2 loads of laundry in the dryer. I am thirsty.

Ho hum.

Labels: life

posted by Zuska @ 10:33 PM 1 comments

off to play practice ....

and then cello practice with E. Then home to do laundry and, of course, watch American Idol. As I've said, this is my first year watching the show, and tonight's the first night where the boys and girls are combined, so I'm kind of excited to see what that looks like.

I'm still spending time looking for corners of time to a) get ahead with my reading so I'm not constantly desperately treading water; and b) fill out an application for a bar loan. I want to buy tickets to Europe, damnit!!

Also - today is gorgeous out. I rode my bike home with only one layer of my 2-layer winter coat on, and wished I'd left that at school. It is soooo pretty.

Tomorrow's going to be 66!! 66!!!

Labels: life, weather

posted by Zuska @ 1:52 PM 0 comments

Thursday, March 08, 2007

A Forced Lull

I had my last class of the week this morning (Thursday). I was not able to complete all the reading, and didn't feel prepared. That resulted in my being too quiet for a seminar class, and I wasn't proud of that. Which means I need to get crackin' with the reading - I need to be ahead in something so that I can use the time between classes to be caught up with everything else.

Which is why I spent 1.5 hours sitting on a couch in the library this morning, reading a novel. Huh?

Book group is tonight.

Yet another example of how I wasted my week off last week. WHY didn't I read this book when I was off? Well, because I was reading another book, which was pretty long, and I knew this book (for book group) was short. Very short - I read it in an hour and a half.

I tried to do some reading for Int'l Law after, and was semi-successful, but then while deciding to read over lunch, I ran into some classmates instead, and spent 40 minutes chatting and eating instead of reading and eating.

And I wonder why I'm so overwhelmed?

I am helping out with play practice again today, and then am bringing my kids plus one out for pizza, and then will have, what? an hour? of downtime at home before heading out to book group.

Stupid Lent and Stupid No Wine. The various hostesses always serve wine. I have really had no problem sticking to my resolution to be alcohol-free for 6 weeks, but if it's being served and everyone else is partaking ... I just may take a night off.

Or not.

Either way -- I have no school books at home. There is no school in the remainder of this day. In the morning, I will leave the house with the girls and head off to school. First to the gym, and then to the library to (hopefully) read all day.

Back to class this morning ... I am not really sure why, but I'm feeling very unsure of myself this quarter. I am scared of being called on again! Like a first year. I am not sure why this is. It may have something to do with my head not being completely in the game, but I don't know. I keep hoping that I can catch up with my reading, and that will help to boost my confidence so that I can participate more, and not feel like a stupid bump on a log, which is how I feel in all of my classes.

Tomorrow I will work in earnest (not that I haven't been all week), and perhaps I'll just have to break down and bring work home to read over the weekend (in between my parents coming for the day on Saturday, E's spelling bee on Sunday morning, and the Sunday evening play we're going to -- I'm sure that will go well).

Labels: law school, life

posted by Zuska @ 1:34 PM 0 comments

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

A Ton of Bricks

upside the head.

I am still reeling. School is just really intense right out the gate! Why did I think I'd get a slow start?

Why did I tell the girls' play people that I would help with play practice on Tuesdays and Thursdays? It's 1:40 p.m., and I just got home, and I am leaving here in 10 minutes. If I could just stay here until 5, I could get so much work done. I could read all of IP and start on Security/Liberty, and feel a wee caught up (finally). I just said "finally." It's TUESDAY!! Jesus.

I am not happy about going to play practice. I am very tired still. As tired as I was after Securities last night, I still had to come home and read until almost midnight, and then get up for an 8 a.m. class. That was pretty brutal - an 8 a.m. class.

I went to the gym after, though, and had a really great work out. I used an elliptical machine for the first time, and I loved it. It's so smooth and not-jarring, it really made me mooooove - fast. Then I lifted some weights, and then I did a fast-walk on the treadmill. I then felt in a hurry to do work for at least one of tomorrow's three classes, and I didn't take too much time to cool down, and I left the gym with my face all splotchy (post workout and post shower splotchiness), and I didn't even care.

Now it's time for play practice, then I have to take E to a cello lesson, and then, finally, hopefully by 7 p.m., home.

Where there is a giant mound of laundry and a messy kitchen that I didn't address last night (Beloved even did 1/2 of it, lovingly and kindly) and IP to read for.

Nice.

Labels: law school, life

posted by Zuska @ 1:39 PM 0 comments

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Braces and Taxes

J. and I went to the Orthodontist today. We both liked him. Of course J. liked him, he said to her, "hey! let's get this done quick! You are too cute to not have your teeth straightened out!" She was instantly in love :)

The first step is just braces on her top teeth to make space for the stuck tooth. I believe that the timing makes it so that her summer at her father's will give the tooth time to see if it wants to come down on its own. If not, she'll have surgery when she returns, where they'll put a brace on the tooth that's stuck up in there, connect it with a wire, and then close her back up ... the braces will then force it down where it goes.

I spoiled her afterward. I took her to the knitting store to get some new needles and new yarns, and I bought her a very decadent Nutella Wrap from a local "burrito" place. They used to be called The Wrap, and then decided that that name was freaking people out, and people didn't trust it, thinking it meant the place was all vegetarian and full of sprouts, so they changed their name to something that has to do with burritos. I have two favorite wraps from there --- one is the "Mediterranean" which is full of cucumbers and olives and chicken and other very Mediterranean type veggies; the other is the Bangkok, which has Asian cabbage, peanut sauce, and chicken --- to me, these are NOT burritos. Notice that neither has rice? Or beans? Whatever. Hers was a flour tortilla and 2 scoops of Nutella. The end.

Before I picked her up from school, I crossed one of the items off my week's to-do list -- I did my taxes.

Ho.leeeeeee Shit.

Wow.

I owe a lot of moola.

$2400, to be relatively precise.

Because I am a) in law school and b) not a trust fund baby and c) a mom to two kids who grow out of their clothes faster than I can digest my dinner .... I don't have $2400.

I haven't owed money EVER. I've gotten considerable funds returned to me for the past several years. Since in law school, I've qualified for Earned Income Credit every year.

Stupid Summer Firm.

They're the problem.

Well, not really. I'm likely the problem. I probably inflated my Allowances on my W-4, because I'm used to filling it out for both girls, but I don't claim both girls since my divorce from the ex was finalized. It's just hard to answer the question "how many dependents do you have?" with the number 1. I don't have one dependent. I have TWO. It's also hard to answer the question "how many kids do you pay for childcare for?" with the number 1. I wish I paid half the childcare that I do pay, but I don't!

When you add inflated allowances onto some weird finagling of "monthly table" instead of "weekly table" that Summer Firm offered us so that we wouldn't have too many deductions, I ended up with zero federal withholding. Zero.

For most people, the finagling means that they aren't forced to have a savings plan whereby 40% of their summer pay is held onto by the federal government until March or April, since they are only making money for the summer.

Since I have a healthy(ish) scholarship AND was paid for two other co-ops and a work study job all in 2006 .... I ended up making more money, and thereby owing more taxes than I have in recent years.

And of all those jobs, I only had $146 withheld for federal taxes.

I owed more than that. By a good bit.

I may go to an H&R block person to figure out if there's anything I can do with my tuition expenses and with my scholarship funds to reduce this tax, but I'm not optimistic.

Somehow, though, I think it will all be okay. My days of being broke are quite numbered at this point, and I feel that I'll be able to get extensions or set up a payment plan.

So it isn't the end of the world, and I'm certainly not feeling wronged in any way. It's just the first of many years where I'll finally be contributing to our nation's coffers, rather than in the past few, where I've taken away from them (in the form of Earned Income Credit).

Labels: kids, life

posted by Zuska @ 5:26 PM 0 comments

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