I am pretty boring and useless.

Beloved and I woke early-ish today and walked together to our respective gyms. I had a good work out. Then I came home. I looked through an LLBean catalog.

Then I started going through my (state) Civil Procedure outline, and putting it onto note cards. There were a few sections I had to pull out the book to puzzle through, but otherwise, it was straight forward.

Why, then, did it take 5.5 hours? Not sure.

We had dinner together (I'm so lucky that I have someone to cook for me), and then he went out. I opened up my Agency and Partnership outline, but found my stomach feeling quite sour at the thought of starting a new topic.

Now I'm looking at the movie Little Children.

I'm not really sure that I know why I got this movie from Netflix. I read the book. I was not impressed. I thought, perhaps, that Kate Winslet would be fun to watch. But her character is just as unlikeable in the movie as she was in the book - maybe less so, b/c movies can't explain the inner turmoil that causes her bitchiness with and disinterest in her daughter.

Also - why the HELL is the movie narrated by an old man? Hasn't anyone yet learned that odd narrations of books turned to movies SUCK? It really just sucks.

Fun bonus: a few scattered chances to look at Jennifer Connelly. I'm not sure I knew she was in this. I love her. If: a) I were not heterosexual; b) she were not heterosexual; c) I were not married; [is she married?] d) I hung out in Hollywood circles; and e) she were up for it - I'd hook up with her.

I came in to peer at my notecards while the movie is paused for peeing purposes, and I find myself much less than excited to get back to it. Agency and Partnership is super-short. Maybe if I went through it quick now, and THEN finished the movie, I could do even a third topic before sleeping? hmmmm.

WonL is doing a fun music post. I can't play. I can't listen to music while I study. I need my full concentration, and music with lyrics breaks that up and makes me NOT study, even while studying. What a waste that would be. It is quite unfortunate that I can't be fun. I wish I could be fun.

And a final thought --- I have never been such a NON mother. Not in 10 years. Almost 11. Maybe even more, because I did feel like a mother while I was pregnant with E. This summer, though, my brain is full. It's full of the bar exam, and it's full of Europe, and it's full of the upcoming Future Firm experience. I talk to the girls - geez, I think I've spoken with E every day, if not on the phone, then on IM - but I'm nowhere near as sidetracked by their lives in the middle of the country as I've been every single other year that they were gone. X will just have to handle things.

The worst part is, though, that E is pretty intuitive -- especially pertaining to me -- and I'm afraid she can sense my disengagement. There's really nothing I can do about it right now, though. The bar exam has to happen. I shared this hysterical post with her,* and she enjoyed that, and now is constantly saying, "I support you in law school!" Very cute.

J isn't as difficult - J is very good at being in the moment, in the situation she is in. Sometimes, that's not always so great, b/c those she is not with feel neglected (don't even get me started on her BFF and the enablement from that girl's mother - even that sentence feels like too much. Ya never know who will find the blog). I am personally happy for her that she has learned to be where she is, especially after the summer of 2 years ago, where she called me every. single. night. crying that she missed me and wanted to come home. God, that was miserable.

* Okay, it's not just a post - it's a project Quirky did when she was E's age. How cool was that? Please go look at it. I swear, some of the lines, I could 100% picture E writing herself! The bad part about sharing it with E ... she's now demanding a higher allowance. If she survives this summer knowing her Momma has Other Things To Think About, she can HAVE a higher allowance. Tons of thanks to Quirky for sharing her past with us :)

Labels: bar prep, kids, movies, stress, whining

posted by Zuska @ 8:05 PM

3 Comments:

At Sunday, July 15, 2007 1:09:00 AM, Stare Decisis said…

I only made it about 20 minutes into "Little Children" because the narrator was so creepy. Plus, what is the point of making a book into a movie if some old guy is just going to read me the book? Too weird for me.
At Monday, July 16, 2007 10:03:00 PM, Law-Rah said…

You can totally still play! I don't listen to most of those, I just find that the titles tell the story of my summer.
At Wednesday, July 18, 2007 11:25:00 AM, Katie said…

I'm glad you and E liked the post - watch out for that allowance thing! It turned out not to be so true since my mom took a government job. Ha!