In the past few days, there has been some news coming through my bloglines peoples. The news makes me realize that - really - the bar exam is small potatoes.

As small and potato-ey as it is, though, it's tuckering me out.

PMBR Day 2 was tiring. Likely not as tiring as yesterday was, but tiring nonetheless. Tonight, I must review Wills, I must do 6 essays, and I must do probably (according to yesterday's practice test) 700 Evidence questions.

Evidence
Torts
Contracts

Three subjects I did best in during law school.

Three subjects I sucked ass in on the damned mock MBE. And on the BarBri one.

Whatever.

In 11 days, I'm going to Paris.

Labels: babies, bar prep, stress

posted by Zuska @ 6:05 PM 0 comments

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Sunday

Up at the crack of dawn again - only this time, I don't feel like going running. I went to the pool with the kiddos yesterday, and swam laps for 90 minutes. 90 minutes??!! What am I, insane? That was after running in the morning. Tomorrow, I'm going to join the gym (my free-student days are over), and will start going to the gym before BarBri, instead of running. I'm more productive at the gym.

I got out of the pool yesterday and found myself utterly exhausted. I somehow ended up with an extra kid (it had been 2, but the second was old enough to walk herself home earlier for a bday party), and so had to walk her home. My kids' bikes were at their house, so it wasn't so out of the way. But then she wanted to ride bikes with my kids, and her mom isn't the world's best at saying no. Since she ended up coming home with me, I guess either am I. Except when I said yes, her mom was going to bring the kids to the park (because it's her kid who just learned how to ride and needs an adult to feel safe -- not mine), but then last minute, she bailed.

So I brought Harry Potter 6 and some water bottles to a bench in the park. I was too exhausted to work on Torts, anyway.

Then I called my brother and his wife, who I hadn't talked to since I went to visit their baby in CT a MONTH ago.

My mom's been pushing me to go to CT either this weekend (too late!) or next. The only thing that makes me want to is so I can see the baby. But I just don't have time. It stinks when you don't have time to do something like "see a baby" b/c they're only little for a short time! If I don't see the baby until after my trip to Europe (which will be the case unless they come here), he will be almost 4 months old! That's a very different baby than I saw when he was 3 days old.

My Sister In Law said she wants to come here, though, even if it's just for dinner. So maybe I'll get to see him.

Then kid's mom came to pick up her kid, and I ended up bringing her and her kid into the house for dinner. This house which I never have time to clean b/c I'm always studying for the bar.

Beloved wasn't too happy with me b/c 1) the house was a mess; and 2) he was hoping we'd have leftovers for lunches during the week. We aren't used to feeding the kids lunches at home. When they're in school, they eat school lunch (in our school where the push for all-natural and organic foods in the cafeteria makes this a reasonable option), or bring sandwiches from home. But now that they're home every day, we need to really feed them.

I nonetheless brought them home for dinner, and expect that Beloved will 1) get over it, and 2) find a way to become more flexible about bringing friends over. I have hesitated to have people over spontaneously for 3 years now because of the size of our place (tiny), and I'm really tired of it. I want to be walking down the street, run into a friend, and say, "hey! come on over for a cup of coffee!" without worrying that it's gonna piss someone off. So I need him to be more flexible.

The house, really, wasn't even that bad. It was a cluttered, but I swept through in 90 seconds and got the most unsightly taken care of (i.e., a pile of clean, unmatched socks on the living room floor, 3 pairs of shoes, a pile of BarBri answer sheets/books, and a pile of the kids' summer homework). Furthermore, I've been to many people's houses, and their day-to-day lives create the same kind of atmosphere. There are piles on tables, under tables, on counters. Dishes are often dirty in sinks, dirty clothes on bathroom floors. And they don't seem to give a shit.

I received a strange combination of genes from my parents. My mother is a neat-freak. She is the person who will take your cup of coffee from your HAND in order to clean it and put it away. She spent so much time cleaning when I was young, I was convinced that she cared more about cleaning than she did about me.

I somehow responded by having an anti-cleaning gene. That cup of coffee can sit on the floor next to the couch all damned-day without phasing me.

UNLESS

we're having people over (planned guests, this is understandable, it's the quick stop-by guests, or the kids' play-dates or the cable guy that makes me think I'm a bit off). Then - BAM! I need absolute perfection. I want the floors polished, every dish sparkling, every child and/or husband's possession in its place, out of my living room, and shiny. I start looking at places I didn't know existed, and I want them perfect. Under the couch, the side of the fridge that's against the wall, the underneath of the kitchen sink.

And so, if things aren't that way, I feel like I can't have anyone in my house.

I so need to hire someone next year. Although, again, the size of the place embarrasses me, and it seems like too much to ask someone to try and make sense of it all.

Labels: apartment, babies, beloved, friends, weekends

posted by Zuska @ 7:05 AM 4 comments

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Home!

Well, honestly, the baby (C) is very very cute, and I'm glad I went. Once again, I found my sister-in-law to be quite endearing and much more "real" than when she's in the presence of my parents. My brother said something as I was leaving that made me wonder how much my mother is in the middle of our conversations [although he doesn't get off that easy]: "Z, call me when you leave town -- don't just let Mom call and assume I know you left!"

Which is one of my complaints about him - the assumption that my mom is passing knowledge all around, and releasing him from the need to have any conversations with me directly.

I am glad I went today. I am mostly glad because I got to be there with my brother, his wife and the baby without my parents in the room. They came later in the day (I had left and then went back), and it really was very different. Very different.

I am still not thrilled about the prospect of going back this weekend. I am still thinking it over - can I do this again? Should I? Do I want to? It's not an easy drive, and I sort of kind of have a life here. Sort of. Kids, and a husband, and friends with whom I've made plans. That sort of thing. A birthday party to plan (next Saturday) with a friend. Birthday parties to bring kids to, and to shop for. You know. Life.

Labels: babies, brother, weekends

posted by Zuska @ 11:24 PM 0 comments

Friday, March 02, 2007

Look at the little baby!!!

In case anyone forgot the announcement over at Magic Cookie - she had a baby boy yesterday morning!!!

I can't wait to read the story of the second half of her labor - 49 hours en toto!!

Ahhh, labor.

I always think of both of mine as lasting 2 1/2 hours, because that's how long the intense part was, both times. I honestly found labor to be - well, not that bad. I even said several times that I would have traded the first 3 months of nauseousness for 9 months of labor if I had the choice. The truth is, though, with J., I went into labor on a Friday night and she wasn't born until Sunday at 1 p.m. I was at the hospital for just under 24 hours before she was born ... but it wasn't intense at all. It was fine. Except for the last 2 1/2 hours.

With E. (who came first, so why I'm talking about her second is beyond me), she was a week late, and I went for a non-stress test (where they put on a monitor on the baby to see if she's okay), and they decided she was NOT okay. While I was on the table with the monitor on my belly the nurse said, "you just had a contraction - did you feel that?" and I thought "oh, that's a contraction? That started yesterday." They then made me go get an ultrasound, where they found that I was pretty much out of amniotic fluid, and they made me go home and get my stuff and then go right back for pitocin (which induces labor). The pitocin didn't really work even after 10 hours. The doctor was about to turn it off so I could sleep the night before waking me and breaking my water when it broke on its own - what little I had, and there were more signs of E. being under stress. Then things picked up, and 2 1/2 hours later, there she was.

Turns out she had the cord wrapped around her neck - but all was well. The dr. got it off, and then after I nearly bled to death, everything was fine.

Labels: babies

posted by Zuska @ 10:25 AM 0 comments

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