Up at the crack of dawn again - only this time, I don't feel like going running. I went to the pool with the kiddos yesterday, and swam laps for 90 minutes. 90 minutes??!! What am I, insane? That was after running in the morning. Tomorrow, I'm going to join the gym (my free-student days are over), and will start going to the gym before BarBri, instead of running. I'm more productive at the gym.

I got out of the pool yesterday and found myself utterly exhausted. I somehow ended up with an extra kid (it had been 2, but the second was old enough to walk herself home earlier for a bday party), and so had to walk her home. My kids' bikes were at their house, so it wasn't so out of the way. But then she wanted to ride bikes with my kids, and her mom isn't the world's best at saying no. Since she ended up coming home with me, I guess either am I. Except when I said yes, her mom was going to bring the kids to the park (because it's her kid who just learned how to ride and needs an adult to feel safe -- not mine), but then last minute, she bailed.

So I brought Harry Potter 6 and some water bottles to a bench in the park. I was too exhausted to work on Torts, anyway.

Then I called my brother and his wife, who I hadn't talked to since I went to visit their baby in CT a MONTH ago.

My mom's been pushing me to go to CT either this weekend (too late!) or next. The only thing that makes me want to is so I can see the baby. But I just don't have time. It stinks when you don't have time to do something like "see a baby" b/c they're only little for a short time! If I don't see the baby until after my trip to Europe (which will be the case unless they come here), he will be almost 4 months old! That's a very different baby than I saw when he was 3 days old.

My Sister In Law said she wants to come here, though, even if it's just for dinner. So maybe I'll get to see him.

Then kid's mom came to pick up her kid, and I ended up bringing her and her kid into the house for dinner. This house which I never have time to clean b/c I'm always studying for the bar.

Beloved wasn't too happy with me b/c 1) the house was a mess; and 2) he was hoping we'd have leftovers for lunches during the week. We aren't used to feeding the kids lunches at home. When they're in school, they eat school lunch (in our school where the push for all-natural and organic foods in the cafeteria makes this a reasonable option), or bring sandwiches from home. But now that they're home every day, we need to really feed them.

I nonetheless brought them home for dinner, and expect that Beloved will 1) get over it, and 2) find a way to become more flexible about bringing friends over. I have hesitated to have people over spontaneously for 3 years now because of the size of our place (tiny), and I'm really tired of it. I want to be walking down the street, run into a friend, and say, "hey! come on over for a cup of coffee!" without worrying that it's gonna piss someone off. So I need him to be more flexible.

The house, really, wasn't even that bad. It was a cluttered, but I swept through in 90 seconds and got the most unsightly taken care of (i.e., a pile of clean, unmatched socks on the living room floor, 3 pairs of shoes, a pile of BarBri answer sheets/books, and a pile of the kids' summer homework). Furthermore, I've been to many people's houses, and their day-to-day lives create the same kind of atmosphere. There are piles on tables, under tables, on counters. Dishes are often dirty in sinks, dirty clothes on bathroom floors. And they don't seem to give a shit.

I received a strange combination of genes from my parents. My mother is a neat-freak. She is the person who will take your cup of coffee from your HAND in order to clean it and put it away. She spent so much time cleaning when I was young, I was convinced that she cared more about cleaning than she did about me.

I somehow responded by having an anti-cleaning gene. That cup of coffee can sit on the floor next to the couch all damned-day without phasing me.

UNLESS

we're having people over (planned guests, this is understandable, it's the quick stop-by guests, or the kids' play-dates or the cable guy that makes me think I'm a bit off). Then - BAM! I need absolute perfection. I want the floors polished, every dish sparkling, every child and/or husband's possession in its place, out of my living room, and shiny. I start looking at places I didn't know existed, and I want them perfect. Under the couch, the side of the fridge that's against the wall, the underneath of the kitchen sink.

And so, if things aren't that way, I feel like I can't have anyone in my house.

I so need to hire someone next year. Although, again, the size of the place embarrasses me, and it seems like too much to ask someone to try and make sense of it all.

Labels: apartment, babies, beloved, friends, weekends

posted by Zuska @ 7:05 AM

4 Comments:

At Sunday, June 24, 2007 9:02:00 AM, LawSchoolMom said…

Hello, my name is LSM and I am a neat freak. :-) Raised by a single mom who was ex-military and really stressed "everything in its place" is a recipe for neuroticism because I clean (almost) constantly.

3 children + 1 husband whose momma did everything for him + 1 hairy a** cat has pushed me into a cleaning frenzy. Unhealthy, I know.
At Sunday, June 24, 2007 10:21:00 AM, PT-LawMom said…

My house is a disaster area pretty much all the time. That's why I pull $55 out of our budget every two weeks to pay for a team of ladies to come scrub it from top to bottom. We still manage to clutter it up right away, but at least we can plan to have people over every two weeks after the cleaning team comes in. ;)
At Sunday, June 24, 2007 12:38:00 PM, LawSchoolMom said…

You have cleaning ladies? I'm so jealous. Alas, there is no room in my budget for both cleaning ladies and a summer nanny but maybe in the fall when the nanny has been sent away... :)
At Monday, June 25, 2007 10:16:00 AM, Anonymous said…

for the record, i'll feel much more comfortable (read: flexible) when we aren't scraping the bottom of the financial barrel and can afford to whip up extra meals at the drop of a hat.

please! you make me out to be some sort of anti-social FREAK at times!