i slept horribly last night. absolutely HORRIBLY. i didn't even go into the bedroom until 1 a.m., which is late for me. i've been going to sleep around 11 or 11:30 this fall (which is early, but it is coupled with me trying to wake at 5 or 5:30 for a run evey day, and it's become my routine), so 1 a.m. was late. beloved was especially tired last night, and he went in earlier than usual. i think i couldn't get tired b/c i was experiencing a low-grade euphoria over the completion of Tax. i was also enjoying emailing with a couple friends - far and near - and catching up with a lot of blog reading that the exams and papers and arguments and briefs have gotten in the way of.

when i did go to bed, i couldn't sleep. i had that odd phenomenon where it feels like you never sleep - not really - yet the clock shows that 3 hours have gone by. i looked at the clock at 2:41 a.m., and thought 'so, i must have slept, b/c i certainly wasn't tossing and turning for 3 hours??'

finally i slept soundly. i was cuddly and warm, and dreaming of scary scenarios in which beloved held me tight, and i felt okay, and it was reassuring, and good. and then the alarm went off. and i felt like crap.

i got the kids off to school and went back to bed. i was just too tired. but then, b/c beloved doesn't work on wednesdays, he decided HE would go back to bed.

i'm going to try and be loving and respectful here:

beloved snores. a lot. it has actually been a source of contention b/t us, b/c he gets quite upset if i wake him b/c of his snoring. yet at the same time, it does wake me up ocassionally. more than it actually WAKES me up, it keeps me awake if i am awake for some other reason - like last night, where i went to bed 1.5 hours (or so) after him. i usually cap myself at 1: 1 opportunity to ask him to roll over (when he sleeps on his right side, he's mostly silent).

i did struggle with this during my many awake-periods during the night. his snoring.

and so i felt i deserved a nap.

but then ... him taking a nap? not gonna work. b/c if he's taking a nap, then he's SLEEPING!! if he's sleeping, then aren't we back to square one?

he promised me he wouldn't snore. now if he really had control over that, once asleep, then i'm really very pissed off, b/c it means all these nights over the past 2.5 years, he's CHOSEN to snore in my ear and keep me awake.

of course, within literally 4 minutes, he was snoring. i told him to FUCK OFF and stormed out of the room.

no, seriously, i did. perhaps i said FUCK YOU! rather than the "off" variant. either way, i said FUCK, and i left the room and tried to sleep on the couch. but i was pissed, so i couldn't. so i decided to pick up my stupid paper on stupid afghanistan.

but then i remembered that since it was 8:20 a.m., the kids weren't home, and they both have beds, and they have a door that closes, and so i went in there, and i slept. until 10:41. then i got up and stared at my computer for a little while.

at approximately 11:50, i opened up my draft. at approximately 12:33, I took out my marked up hard-copy version of my draft. at approximately 2:10, I took a shower. at approximately 3:05, I put down my cooking light magazine and started actually working on my paper. at approximately 5:25, the kids came home (beloved picked them up), and at approximately 6:14, I put my paper away until tomorrow.

not good. or is it? is it really "not good"? I don't think so.

the paper's actually in better shape than I thought it was. I probably have like 6 or 7 more pages to write - but the research is done. I am not sure I need more than tomorrow.

It's due on Friday at close of business (4:30). I was hoping to meet a friend for lunch that day, but she had a work meeting come up, so I have nothing else to do on Friday. So if I don't meet my goal and finish tomorrow - who cares?

i think all will be well. i think i have more than enough time.

as long as i use tomorrow wisely.

so i must get up early, go for a run, get the kids of to school, get myself off to school, work all day, see how far I get before 3 --- if i'm done, that is the cut off to start with the blue book nonsense. if i'm not done, i can work for 2 more hours before i go pick up the kids, go home, and ....

COOK! I'm trying again. beloved has to work until 8 or so, and we didn't really have dinners that yielded leftovers this week (especially since I threw last night's away), so I have to cook. I'm making Moroccan Salmon over couscous. I'm sure it will be so delightful that I will be posting photos. (har har har)

Labels: exams, life, sleep

posted by Zuska @ 8:20 PM

1 Comments:

At Friday, November 17, 2006 1:23:00 AM, Mieke said…

I just finished my second and final paper for legal writing. I hand it in tomorrow and start studying for Contracts and Criminal Law (part-time rememeber). I am a mess about finals. I don't know what to expect or how to get this old brain to memorize things like the elements of the material benefit rule are. HELP!!!