My parents slept here last night, and the ex was supposed to come at noon to pick the girls up. At around 11, things went from being a relatively mellow time of eating breakfast and chatting to UTTER CHAOS.

We watched a DVD of j.'s last play, and it was too loud, and I came out of the shower to everyone shouting different instructions/requests at me, and that was just the beginning of the end.

I felt like if I could only hold things together until noon when the ex was due to show, it would be okay - the girls would go, my parents would follow shortly after, and I would have 3 hours to chill before heading to the play.

But the ex called that he was "all turned around" and didn't know where he was. So I had to look up his location on the map, and head him toward the right town. He called at least 3 more times after that to get the next step of instructions.

When the girls are waiting like that, they don't do well. They were hungry, they were impatient, and they were WIRED.

My dad chose that moment to hand them CANDY BARS. Ugh. I told them they could not eat them, because they were on their way to lunch with their dad. j. argued with me, which she's prone to do lately (her one flaw ... well, other than inciting her sister), and I, in my reduced patience state, "spoke using strong words":

Do not argue with me. We have been talking about this for weeks. I did not tell you that you can't have the candy bar just because I felt like it, and all the begging in the world is not going to change my mind. You are on the way to LUNCH. You may not eat the candy bar before lunch. If you would like, you can take it with you and eat it after lunch, but you are NOT eating it now, and if you continue to argue with me, I will take it away, and you will NEVER eat it.

She acted as if I killed her puppy. She pouted and "froze up" - wouldn't look at me, wouldn't talk to me, wouldn't acknowledge my existence. I think she was just embarassed that I 'reprimanded' her in front of my parents - but I was not mean to her, and I was RIGHT. So there.

Finally, the ex showed up. I was able to usher my little angels out the door.

Thank God.

My parents left shortly after, and I had about an hour and a half to sit and watch football (Patriots are winning by a hair), and now it's just about time to head back out to today's performance. We also have plans to go to dinner with friends after.

I think I don't feel so well, or something. I feel so "off" and I can't imagine enjoying dinner out. Perhaps the walk to the play will help clear my head, and all will be well by the time the play starts.

Labels: ex-relations, kids, mom, parent, parenting

posted by Zuska @ 2:02 PM 0 comments

Monday, November 06, 2006

disaster averted

on saturday, at e.'s play, a friend asked me if j. would be interested in going to the ballet with their family on friday night. she said something like, "since the kids have that day off anyway, maybe she can come over early."

wo! wait a minute. back up.

the kids have the day off?

Yeah, it's Remembrance Day, or whatever you all call it here (she's Canadian).

at the start of their school year, i was so good about going through and recording all 3 or 4 days off in October - but I missed Veteran's Day. I didn't go into November.

beloved works on friday.

and me?

i have my appeals argument.

at the court house.

in downtown.

it's my final in appellate advocacy.

oh shit. my friend kept wanting to talk about the ballet, and about how she thought about going on thursday, but since it was a school night, she decided to go for the friday, and then, ha ha! it turned out that thursday wasn't a school night!

while my head was spinning. crap! crap! crap!

but because my dad was in town, and the bed fell on beloved, and then we had the bday party emergency, and then the ex was in town ... i didn't think about it. until today.

first, i looked up the courthouse holiday schedule - i found it entirely possible that my "professor" fucked up, not realizing that it was a holiday. we're doing the arguments at the courthouse itself. but as it turns out, when certain holidays fall on a weekend, they're observed on the weekend for state employee purposes. this is one of those holidays.

then i called the girls' after-school program to make sure that 1) they weren't open, and 2) there wasn't a waiting list the length of the Charles River. They're closed on Friday, so I didn't have to worry about the waiting list issue. oooh, joy.

then i checked with a friend (the same one who alerted me to my irresponsibility) who just started working again herself. she'd told me that she is busy from 7:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. that day, and her husband would be home with the kids, and he could keep mine, too. i really hate taking favors from others, so i left that as my last resort, but it became necessary for me to ask for the favor.

it's really not a favor. i have watched their kids on several ocassions when they were in a pinch, and was more than happy to do so. perhaps i should not have hesitated, and explored all other avenues first, but rather let them help out from the first offer on Saturday night. but it's not in my nature.

i remember when the girls were babies .... i had j. in a baby bjorn (one of the few ways i could keep her from crying), and e. was 21 months old, and wanted to go on the swing. perhaps j. was actually OUT of the bjorn, and in my arms. i was trying to pick e. up while j. was already in my arms, and lift e. high enough to get her feet in a little baby swing. It wasn't easy. i was, of course, alone. another mom on the playground came over and offered to help me, and i pretty much snapped at her that i could HANDLE it, no THANK YOU.

i think of that often. why was i always so fiercely determined that i could handle it on my own? why wouldn't i take a little help? just to let someone guide e.'s feet into the swing? i could have used the help. i got no reward afterward, for getting one kid in the swing without dropping the other on her head.

i am not as bad anymore as i was on the playground that day - but i always resist help. i always first try to handle it on my own - sometimes going to great lengths in the process. perhaps it's a good thing. but sometimes, it feels like i'm fighting others for no reason.

Labels: babysitter, childcare, kids, mom, parent, swings, working mom

posted by Zuska @ 8:22 PM 0 comments

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