on saturday, at e.'s play, a friend asked me if j. would be interested in going to the ballet with their family on friday night. she said something like, "since the kids have that day off anyway, maybe she can come over early."
wo! wait a minute. back up.
the kids have the day off?
Yeah, it's Remembrance Day, or whatever you all call it here (she's Canadian).
at the start of their school year, i was so good about going through and recording all 3 or 4 days off in October - but I missed Veteran's Day. I didn't go into November.
beloved works on friday.
and me?
i have my appeals argument.
at the court house.
in downtown.
it's my final in appellate advocacy.
oh shit. my friend kept wanting to talk about the ballet, and about how she thought about going on thursday, but since it was a school night, she decided to go for the friday, and then, ha ha! it turned out that thursday wasn't a school night!
while my head was spinning. crap! crap! crap!
but because my dad was in town, and the bed fell on beloved, and then we had the bday party emergency, and then the ex was in town ... i didn't think about it. until today.
first, i looked up the courthouse holiday schedule - i found it entirely possible that my "professor" fucked up, not realizing that it was a holiday. we're doing the arguments at the courthouse itself. but as it turns out, when certain holidays fall on a weekend, they're observed on the weekend for state employee purposes. this is one of those holidays.
then i called the girls' after-school program to make sure that 1) they weren't open, and 2) there wasn't a waiting list the length of the Charles River. They're closed on Friday, so I didn't have to worry about the waiting list issue. oooh, joy.
then i checked with a friend (the same one who alerted me to my irresponsibility) who just started working again herself. she'd told me that she is busy from 7:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. that day, and her husband would be home with the kids, and he could keep mine, too. i really hate taking favors from others, so i left that as my last resort, but it became necessary for me to ask for the favor.
it's really not a favor. i have watched their kids on several ocassions when they were in a pinch, and was more than happy to do so. perhaps i should not have hesitated, and explored all other avenues first, but rather let them help out from the first offer on Saturday night. but it's not in my nature.
i remember when the girls were babies .... i had j. in a baby bjorn (one of the few ways i could keep her from crying), and e. was 21 months old, and wanted to go on the swing. perhaps j. was actually OUT of the bjorn, and in my arms. i was trying to pick e. up while j. was already in my arms, and lift e. high enough to get her feet in a little baby swing. It wasn't easy. i was, of course, alone. another mom on the playground came over and offered to help me, and i pretty much snapped at her that i could HANDLE it, no THANK YOU.
i think of that often. why was i always so fiercely determined that i could handle it on my own? why wouldn't i take a little help? just to let someone guide e.'s feet into the swing? i could have used the help. i got no reward afterward, for getting one kid in the swing without dropping the other on her head.
i am not as bad anymore as i was on the playground that day - but i always resist help. i always first try to handle it on my own - sometimes going to great lengths in the process. perhaps it's a good thing. but sometimes, it feels like i'm fighting others for no reason.Labels: babysitter, childcare, kids, mom, parent, swings, working mom |
