I have posted several times about my frustration, aggravation and anger with my brother. He has been obnoxious, irrational, selfish and generally impossible to get along with in the past two years. His wife has also been hard to understand.

HOWEVER.

The past few times I have been here in my old town, where both he and my parents live, he has actually been NOT obnoxious. And NOT hard to get along with. We haven't become suddenly close and bonded, but we have gotten along, and we have not argued, and he has not offended me.

I think, perhaps, it is time for me to let go of the things that upset me in the past (his screaming and yelling at me on the day of his wedding, for example), and just find where our relationship is right now.

It is still hard, however, to not be insanely jealous over the fact that he not only has his own house, but he designed it, and a lot of their furniture and decor is *exactly* what they wanted. I have for so long picked up cheap furniture because it was all I could afford and I needed furniture that it is very foreign to me that someone can have *exactly* what they want.

I tried to remind myself, as i felt the jealousy contorting my guts in circles, that the reason why a house (entirely designed by us ... all the space we need ... furniture that is our first choice) is out of reach for us is because of where we chose to live, and where we choose to live. We don't want to come back to the town where I grew up, where housing prices are tons lower and land is available in larger quantities. It's not where we want to be.

I'm still jealous, though.

Labels: brother, housing

posted by Zuska @ 1:19 PM

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