We picked the girls up yesterday at around 5 p.m. It is great to see them - they look healthy and beautiful.

They had a good summer, and so were a little sad to be away from X, but also ready to be home. Makes for a tough transition day. More of a tough transition night. It's when bedtime rolls around that their unsettledness comes out. J ends up afraid that the world is going to get struck by a meteor or something while she sleeps, and E just says, "I miss daddy, and I'm also afraid that we'll never have such a good summer again." We did our best to calm them both down - I tried to convince E that it's okay to be sad when you miss someone, and not to expect it to go away instantly. And maybe that it's good to feel sad, sometimes. Beloved helped J to think about positive possibilities, and to try to train her mind to go in that direction, instead of the calamitous.

Today, we've had a relatively smooth day. I felt like since school let out in June, the girls had been getting along with one another pretty well - especially in the Middle of the Country. Not today. Bickering started pretty early. They also weren't happy with me for enforcing my declaration that we would not stay in transition for a week, i.e., they had to unpack, and straighten their room. I didn't even push it too hard (their room is far from perfect), but they reacted strongly to the bit I did require.

Eventually, we got out the door to the pool. We had a nice time there. E is really quick to be upset. I know there's a transition happening - but she's seeming to be a little spoiled. She is upset mostly when she doesn't get her way. When the pool changed the rules so she couldn't dive off the side of the pool; when I didn't want to play a 4th game of Uno or a 2nd game of Clue; when I said "not right now" to reading her script with her, b/c we'd just finished 4 games of Uno and 2 games of Clue, and it's 9:30, and I'm tired.

When I know they're struggling with transitions, I feel like I need to bend over backward to help. That I need to say yes to all the games and other activities. But I don't like her reactions today. She's not being really all that obnoxious - it's more of a quiet (tragic) sulking.

We'll work through it, I'm sure. For all I know it's something that she found worked with X, and is trying it here. They seem to have found a way to spend much more time with him this trip, even though he was teaching a class every day, and perhaps this was the key there. Sulking. It's not a key here. Sure, I followed her into her room a couple times to see if she was okay, but then I just enforced the things I had previously said to her.

I know things will even out. They always do after a few rocky days.

Labels: *E*, *J*, divorce, summer, tears

posted by Zuska @ 9:01 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Summer as Torture

One of the worst parts of the days prior to the girls' departure: Tears.

Tonight it's J. She said bye to her BFF tonight, because BFF leaves for their summer house, and they don't return until J's in the middle of the country, and then before J returns, BFF and her family take off for Europe and Israel. They don't return until J is on her way to CT for my brother's baby shower/party/celebration, and then school starts.

This triggered an all-out tear fest about how the Middle Of the Country Sucks. About how all they do there is 5 things: watch t.v., go to the park, go swimming, go to their dad's office, and play on the computer.

I was a little confused. All they do here is go to the park, go swimming, play on the computer ... and?

She corrected me. We think of fun things to do. Beloved takes her to get iceys (she said that like 4 times. Who knew the power of the well-timed Slurpee?), we take them to movies, they have play dates with their friends, we go to concerts at parks.

She said, "every body loves summer but me - summer is torture!" and she had 4 little tear drops coming out of one eye at a time.

:(

What can I say? What can I do?

I got X to agree to a shorter summer from now on - 4 weeks instead of 6 (this year is 5). Two years ago, the girls were so miserable, they came home a week early. I paid the change fee for their plane tickets home.

She wants to not go at all.

Then she said she wants a break next year - she doesn't want to go at all. But she won't tell her father, b/c he'll be mad at her, or he will stop liking her, or he will think she doesn't like him.

Things wouldn't be better for her here this summer. Not with this fucking bar exam. But she said it would. She said that she could hang out with Beloved, and she could go to the library, and she could go to the pool, and she could go to the park, she could get together with friends, and she could BE HAPPY (she yelled that ... it's not a typical Zuska-over-emphasis-with-annoying-caps-lock).

She can't stay home this summer. I'll see how she feels when she returns (always better than before she leaves), and perhaps I'll pass on her request to X for a summer off.

We'll see.

I suspect that now that his financial obligations are being cut in half, and are no longer tied to time spent with the kids (which is how CA does it), he may very well say yes.

Labels: *J*, divorce, summer, tears, X

posted by Zuska @ 9:56 PM 0 comments

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