the girls are with my ex right now. i don't like seeing him. i wouldn't let him in my house, and that made me feel kind of catty. i didn't let him in, though, b/c i wasn't expecting him to come here, i thought he would get into town just in time for e.'s play - he was early. my dad left about 30 minutes before the ex showed up, and the house was a bit chaotic. remember, we had two mattresses on the living room floor last night, as well as sheets blankets and pillows set up on the couch for Dad. we woke up this a.m. for a rushed breakfast (although dad doesn't think it's breakfast unless at least 3 pans are used -- no instant oatmeal for HIM!), and then out the door to get j. to a bday party.

oh - a sub-story! See part B below.

I didn't want the x in the house. Not to mention the mess in the girls' room (beloved has finished repairing the beds. he and i pulled on the beds as hard was we could, together, and they were SOLID to the wall. Not a wiggle or a squiggle. We are putting it on our calendar that we will check it monthly to be sure the stability holds up. I feel very safe right now.)

I therefore met the ex in the lobby. with his new wife. everyone was cordial, it was just tense. i am a friendly person. i hold no ill will toward his ex wife, and honestly, as long as he isn't being a fucker at the moment, i don't hold any ill will toward him, either. she was a little cold at first, wouldn't meet my eyes, but she got over it, and was friendly by the time we left. probably b/c i refused his money for the tickets for the play. (oh, was that ill will?)

Also, i took my Dad by the apartment i have been eyeing. he thinks we should move. he said he and my brother would come down and do the heavy lifting. i talked to beloved a little more, checked the place out on craigslist again, saw it went down another $50 (so it's now $15 more a month than where we live), and I called an agent. I'm going to see it tomorrow at 2 p.m. I was going to go alone, but Beloved decided to come.

I am an optimist. he is a pessimist. i think the place is big (i've seen it from the outside, it's the entire 3rd floor, and there's a LOT of space!) - he said no, b/c it has a hallway, and that means it will be smaller than where we live. I said it doesn't matter, b/c the even if the girls' roomS (plural!) are small, they don't need as much space, so really, we only need ONE big bedroom, for he and I. he said sure, but there probably isn't any storage, and if there isn't storage, we'll have to fill a bedroom with all our crap from the storage area. I said it probably has a basement with storage. he said there's no animals allowed. I showed him the ad that says there are, and then asked the agent i spoke to who confirmed that cats are more than fine. he said well, since the agent said that the first floor is room mates, and the second floor is a couple, it's not a family friendly building. i said that since they advertised that it's de-leaded (a concern for children .... who HAS these kids who chew paint for fun?) and that it's across the street f rom a school, I think they are looking for families. He said it's a 3rd floor walk up. I said ...... so? we're all strong, healthy people. we walk everywhere we go. we can walk up 3 flights! he used to live on a 3rd floor walk up! he said yeah, but that was just me, now we have kids. I said the kids' friends live in a narrow house that is on FOUR floors, the kids need to go up three floors just to get from the kitchen to the bedroom, and if they want to start out in the family room, it's four floors .... we'll be FINE!! [i wonder why he didn't mention the bikes? b/c that would suck].

He is coming with me tomorrow, and i'm a little nervous that it means that the whole idea will be killed on contact. but i don't want to jump into this whole thing if the place sucks. he likes our place. it has an open floor plan, the kitchen is open (not a galley kitchen, like so many apartments have), it has nice hardwood floors, our manager is responsive. I agree on all those points, but IT'S TOO SMALL!! I also don't really like the location. We're on a main road, but no businesses are really close. It's like this weird netherworld of busy-ness without business. anywhere we have to go is a good hike. This place is tons closer to everything - stop & shop, hollywood video, restaurants, the KIDS SCHOOL!!! Hello? Across the street????

and, it has a washer and dryer. how many times have i complained about shared laundry? 4 bazillion times. that's how many.

it also has a back deck. we can get a grill.

but it all makes me nervous. if we like the place, i need to call our landlord and try to find a way to get out of this lease. I am willing to offer to pay $100/mo for the rest of this lease so that he can rent it for less money - and make it more competitive on the market.

or, we can go tomorrow, see that it's a shit hole, and come back home to our dinky little soundproofed, heat and hot water included, well settled into abode. I will just put in earplugs and ignore the fighting children as they complain about how much the other one is:

ANNOYING ME ON PURPOSE!
LOOKING AT ME AND MAKING FACES! SHE IS
STICKING HER TONGUE OUT AT ME! SHE
WON'T STOP SINGING!
WILL NOT STOP MAKING THAT NOISE AND I ASKED HER 3 TIMES!!
TOUCHED MY STUFF!
LOST MY BOOKMARK
OPENED THE CLOSET WHILE I WAS ON MY SIDE, AND HIT ME WITH THE DOOR!
SHINING HER LIGHT IN MY FACE AND I'M TRYING TO SLEEP

anyone who got a headache just from reading that is free to email me personally in order to get my address so you can send me earplugs, and i won't hear anymore fights, and i won't post them.

Part B.

j. had a party to go to at 11 a.m. but i hadn't gotten a gift, b/c i'd been struggling to prepare for the MPRE. If i had time to spare even for thought of a bday gift, i could have asked beloved for his assistance, but alas, i did not. he could have taken j. to a store after her soccer game yesterday - they had time for that. but, i had no brain. or i did, but it was full of ethics and conflicts and confidentiality and the code of judicial conduct.

no problem. said me. we'll just leave at 10, walk down to the village, get a little toy or game, and then stop in the bookstore for a gift certificate - the party was just across a park and around a corner from the bookstore - plenty of time.

dad and e. came with j. and i for the walk (while beloved went to Home Depot to get 4" screws), and we had fun testing different routes to see which was faster. j. is a wee competitive, and i'm not sure where she gets it. we went separate ways at one intersection, b/c e. insisted that her way (the long way) was actually shorter - so dad and e. went one way, and j. and i went another. the rules included "no running." as soon as we got past the public library, j. said, "okay, mom, they can't see us anymore - let's run!" and she took off!! cheater pants monkey butt!! but i instead backed up a couple steps so i had a renewed view of my dad and e., and they were running. jerks. i did not run.

anyway. the toy store was closed. no biggie, we said. we'll just get the gift 100% from the bookstore. guess what?

the bookstore was closed. So we had to go from the village to the corner (two separate parts of town), and it was a good hike - 20 minutes. remember that i am carless and proud of it - and also tired of it. how i wished i had a car as we were trudging up hill with j. whining and e. and dad saying, "we can get a present at walgreens, they're open. we can get a present at the watch store, they're open. we can get a present at the pet food store, they're open." finally, we got to the world's best book store, 20 minutes before the party started, and were able to quickly pick a journal, a pen, a gift bag and picked up a gift card. i was trying to pay, have j. sign the card, open a pack of tissue paper, arrange it neatly around the journal and the card and the pen, when one of j.'s friends came around the corner with a harried mother saying, "what about a new purse? do you think a gift card will work? Come on, we have to hurry!" then the girls saw each other, and were trying to be coy about whether they were each going to a party (not wanting to hurt an uninvited kids' feelings), but we worked it out that we were ALL very late. My dad laughed and said, "well, j., at least you know you won't be the last one there!" and i reminded him that not everyone is carless. They had a car. But when I said that, the mom said, "no! we'll drive her!" so j. went with them, and dad and e. and i got some hot cocoa and sat in a park watching people while we sipped and enjoyed the crisp autumn morning.

posted by Zuska @ 3:06 PM

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