The girls called tonight. They're okay (of course). X did make some improvements to their bedroom ... or rather "X is making some improvements to their bedroom." J couldn't go to bed yet, even though her voice sounded like sandpaper, b/c he was still trying to put some furniture together in their room at 10:15 this evening. But he's making an effort, and I know that they notice. This is good for them.
It's good to hear their voices. I avoided telling them that I was sweeping and vacuuming their room in order to get remnants of them OUT and the trappings of BarBri and PMBR in.
They miss us a lot, and it results in them wanting to just park their butts on the phone. I hate cutting them off, but at the same time, they need to live their lives there. They need to be with their father. They need to not hold on so tight to this part of their lives, to the exclusion of the other.
I hate knowing that E has 1,000,000 things going on in her head that she doesn't share, and I feel like I'm being over-scrutinized when I tell her that it's time to say goodnight. That perhaps she's thinking, "oh, mom is glad we're gone, she can't wait to spend her time doing other things." When really, that's not true. I mean, yeah, I have to study, but I'd always rather have them here than not. She asked, though, if she can chat with me on google talk tomorrow, and I told her we'd be out for most the day (Shoes! Movies!) and she was a little disappointed.
I know ... she'll survive. She knows how much we love her, and she knows how much of our lives we dedicate to her and her sister's happiness and well being.
I know.Labels: divorce, kids, parenting, summer, X |
