in college, i had a very close friend, JS. my parents used to be concerned that we were too close. as in, lesbian lovers. we were not. but we had a practically symbiotic friendship, and worked hard to maintain it until the day i got married to the ex. she moved to CT after i graduated (despite the fact that she had a year or so left of college in VA) and took a job as a nanny for about a year nearby to my parents' home. we stayed in touch somewhat after i got married (1994) and had kids (1996), and she visited me at least once in CA, but my marriage definitely was the major changing point for us. i don't blame her for not moving to Alabama to maintain the pre-marriage level of our friendship. i highly doubt that the ex would have appreciated it ... although, he may have appreciated my being around less. he wasn't too fond of me. he liked his professor better.

JS got married in August of 2001, and i was in her wedding. at the time, the ex and i were still living together, but alternating nights on the couch, and we were already pretty much separated. i did not tell JS about this at her wedding .... duh. but i was a mess. an utter and total mess. this was around the time that i toyed with just walking away from everything on my own - sans kids. she, however, was completely unaware, and that's good.

not too long after (perhaps 3 or 4 months) i called her and told her about my separation from the ex.

see up there where i said we were in college together? remember what college that was? so JS was most definitely of that persuasion. to say she disapproved of the ending of my marriage is putting it very lightly. she was also very upset about my shedding of the faith. that was a little strange, b/c when we were in college, she was the rebellious pastor's kid - we were far from the spiritual enthusiasts. but she returned to the fold in her mid-20's and her husband's family and her family were both pillars in their local church.

needless to say, things have been very distant between us for the last 5 years. but i recently received an e-mail from her, and we've been talking back and forth for a couple of weeks. religious issues have not come up at all, but she did apologize for her reaction to my situation 5 years ago. she and her husband are dealing with some fertility issues right now, and also contemplating a big move and career change(s), so there's a lot going on with her. as with me 5 years ago, a lot she had never planned on having to deal with.

it's been nice to reconnect. i hope we maintain it.

Labels: divorce, friendship, religion

posted by Zuska @ 3:38 PM

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