my grandfather's memorial service went pretty much as i expected.

first, my aunt got up, and welcomed people. she said my grandfather was a father, son, brother, grandfather, great grand-father, supervisor, coach, and so much more.

then, my mother's pastor got up, and talked about how god created the world, and that he gave his son to die for our sins,and that we should be thinking about our sins as we are confronted with the reality of death, and that jesus is the only way to not burn in hell, and that we must accept jesus as our personal savior, or else we're going to go to hell, and we will not "measure up" when we die.

Then my mother's "worship team" sang a song that sounded like a pure chanting of the word "jesus" - but in fact was "jesus i love you, jesus you are all i think about, jesus you are all that matters to me, jesus let me be like you, jesus all i want is to spend time with you." and so on.

then my other aunt got up and said that my grandfather was a father, son, brother, grandfather, great grand-father, supervisor, coach, and so much more. then she read a poem about not quitting.

then my other aunt's pastor got up to speak. and he seemed cool. and i thought, "oh, maybe this won't be so bad??" he was talking about Proverbs (which is the Old Testament, and therefore, has nothing to do with Salvation and/or the "sinner's prayer" which I have termed the "Magic Spell.") He was saying that a good reputation is better than riches (upon death), and how he would much rather have people say he was a good man when he dies, than to have a lot of money.

But then he said - who really cares about what people think? What really matters is what GOD thinks, and all the donations to charities, and all the religious rituals in the world ARE NOT ENOUGH - you need to accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior, and you need to live your life FOR Jesus, or else God will not let you into heaven.

and he said that people need to think about this - as they are at a funeral - b/c death is so very real. and that this is the time to consider their eternity, and their relationship with god and with jesus.

all the while, the extended family (Russian Orthodox), my grandfather's church friends (Russian Orthod0x), my grandfather's sister (Catholic) and the only of my grandfather's eight children present who has NOT been converted to born-again-ity (I don't know if he's Russian Orthodox, Catholic, or No Religious Affiliation) were sitting there with their jaws hanging open, their brows furrowed, and irritated whispers passing back and forth. my mother and aunt's church friends were singing along, swaying with their eyes closed, and saying "thank you, Jesus" at appropriate (to them) intervals.

One of my uncles did not attend. my mother, my father, and his other sisters, were all appalled by this decision of his. This was his FATHER for crying out loud.

but what if? what if the reason why is b/c he, like myself, knew what his sisters would turn the ceremony into, and wanted nothing of it?

perhaps he knew that my grandfather's memory would be manipulated and exploited as an excuse to trap souls of "unbelievers"?

I found the service to be jsut WRONG. You ask people to come - you ask them to pay their respects to a person who had died, and to his family that is remaining, and when they DO come, whether out of a grief of their own, or out of a respect for those who are experiencing grief, you GRAB them, and you subject them to an imposition of your ideology? How is that right?

It's NOT right. It's wrong.

and what else? my mother just decided all of this. my grandfather's wife is in out of state, across the country(ish). she wasn't here. She wasn't really invited - my grandfather's sister hates the woman, and so she wouldn't have come if she WERE invited. she had no say. she is the SPOUSE of the person who died. she is the one who knows him best.

and she had no say. the pastors didn't check to see who had authority; the church that was used didn't check to see if my mother had authority -- no one checked.

no one had authority.

so - what's to stop her? what's to stop my mother from doing the same thing for ME, if I were to die? beloved could make arrangements according to instructions left by me (which would be fully secular), and everything could go as i had wanted HERE. but then my mother could just --- have another one. she doesn't need anyone's permission - and how can anyone stop her? can they?

i called my sis, who also has No Religious Affiliation, and we made a blood oath - over the phone - that we will NOT ALLOW my mother to do any such thing for either of us. If sis goes first, Mom will definitely include me; and if I go first, Mom will definitely include sis --- and we will NOT LET THIS HAPPEN. And if Mom won't listen - then i will stand UP in the middle of the service, and I will say "She did not want this. This is not her. Her memory is being USED AND ABUSED."

And she has to do the same thing for me.

posted by Zuska @ 9:02 PM

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