while i was driving here, i was listening to the XM radio that zipcars have. some song came on from the year 2000 ... I can't remember which one it was. I know that in those days, "You Say Goodbye and I Choke" by Macy Gray was on ... but I can't remember what else. I don't remember right now what song I heard this evening that triggered this memory:

During my marriage, in the year 2000, my ex lived in another country for approximately 8 months to conduct research for his Ph.D. I stayed with my parents during that time, b/c I didn't want to be on my own in CA with a 1.5 year old and a 3 year old. He was living off a very small grant, and had no money to contribute to running a household ... so I needed my mommy and daddy to support me and my children, as well as for my mommy to babysit for me, so I could earn some money to keep me from being wholly pathetic ... not sure that worked.

While he was gone, the kids and I went over once, for a week, to visit him. It was insane. Taking 2 very young children out of the country and staying in different hotels and a (very stinky) studio apartment was not really the most fun. and all he wanted to do was have sex, even though the kids were in the same studio apartment, and they were sleeping very poorly.

After that visit though, he had another 4+ months away. My mom felt bad for me, b/c I was separated from my husband, and thought it would be fun to buy me a ticket to go to this country (by myself) and SURPRISE him. Just show up. Wouldn't it be so great?

Something told me no. it would not be so great to surprise him. i would be disappointed in some way. I decided to tell him of the plans we were making. I was very excited. Other than the time with the kids, he and I had never been out of the country together (even though he individually had been DOZENS of time for school-related functions). I thought it would be great. That I could explore the city during the day while he worked, and then we could have dinner together in the evenings, and it would be fantastic! especially since we were forced to spend so much time apart.

Instead, I was very embarassed to have to go back upstairs to my parents, after getting off the phone with the Schlurg, with my eyes puffy and red, to tell them that he told me not to come. That he had too much work to do, and quite frankly, I would only be in the way. Thanks for the offer, mom, but no thanks.

They were blown away. They couldn't believe that he would make that choice.

The marriage lasted just over a year from that day.

posted by Zuska @ 12:09 AM

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