As I said in the past, the ex had a change of plans and won't be coming to the girls' play next weekend. He hadn't told them yet. I didn't tell them because it wasn't 100% clear that he had decided what to do. Tonight he confirmed - he's just not coming. His "other commitment" is pretty ... required or whatever, and he's not coming.

He said he wanted to be the one to tell the girls (mostly E, because she has a larger role in the play). Well, the more power to him.

Soon after my e-mail exchange with him, the phone rang.

E: blah blah blah, cut on my knee, basketball, recess, blah blah blah.
[silence from other end of phone]
E: What? What, daddy?
[silence]
E: [crying] What do you mean, daddy?
[silence]
E: DAD! YOU SAID YOU WOULD COME! WHAT DO YOU MEAN? YOU HAVE TO COME! YOU CAN'T NOT COME! WHAT MEETING? WHO CARES ABOUT THE MEETING.
[silence ... mixed with tears]
E: YOU SAID YOU WOULD COME! YOU LIED TO ME! YOU HAVE TO COME! DON'T GO TO THE MEETING! YOU ARE COMING TO THIS PLAY!
[much other upsetedness and crying and yelling]
E: BYE! I said, BYE!
[slight 'beep' hang up noise.]

Yeah, she hung up on her father.

Yeah. That went well. J came into the room at that point. She waited for E to tell her what was said (J is a smart girl -- I think she knew what happened on the phone). Then the tears spread. E went running to her room in misery, after proclaiming the ex a "liar" and stating that she would never talk to him again. J cried on my lap (where E had been before that), and then the phone rang.

Of course, it was the ex.* He spoke to J, who cried. In his ear. He explained himself to J, and then asked to talk to E. E refused, but then said, "no! i will talk to him!" Uh oh. Her tone was NOT conciliatory. She grabbed the phone and went OFF on him about how he cares about work more than he cares about his kids.

But then she just cried, and somehow convinced him to try and come for a dress rehearsal.

She later told me she wished that people didn't need jobs to make money, and it was all money's fault.

That made me nervous. I tried to let her know ... money isn't the only motivation for work - people have things that make them happy. She fought me - she said, "but he said he made a commitment - why did that commitment matter more than the commitment to ME?" Then she said, "why does it matter more than their FAMILY???" I asked her - what if the commitment he made was to his parents? And it was family versus family? She said, "why did you call me out of my room?"

She was done.

He is planning on coming, I think, for a dress rehearsal.

Is it wrong of me? That I am upset that he may end up coming through? After blowing things off, and causing so much unhappiness? That he can always manage to have his cake and eat it too? (well, other than the fact that, you know, we got divorced. But he got a new cake.)

half of me wants the kids to see him, and all of the reasons why I'm not with him. The other half still wants to protect all of them from all of them.

*I don't like this name for him, b/c for the girls, he's not an "ex" - he's current.

Labels: ex-relations, parenting

posted by Zuska @ 10:03 PM

1 Comments:

At Thursday, March 15, 2007 8:44:00 PM, Harmless Error said…

Sounds like my dad. Except my mom didn't divorce him until I was in high school. Law school was the first graduation he came to. I know it's hard, but it's better that your girls get used to this when they're young rather than become bitter as teenagers.