I did not take Beloved's name on Friday.

e. asked me this weekend if I was going to, and said that if I was, she was, too.

Skipping over the fact that my ex would NEVER allow that to happen, I told her no, I'm not changing my name. (She then said she wants to change to my name. She's said this before, and I've put it off by telling her that if she mentioned it again in 2 months, we'd discuss it with her father. She didn't raise it until now, which is actually 7 months later. Changing her name would be a hassle. Everyone knows her by her father's name - and her father may pitch a fit. At the same time, the change doesn't have to be an "official" one. She has the right to be registered at school under whatever name she wants, I believe. It wouldn't have to be permanent. )

Anyway - the point is - I'm not changing my name.

Guess who that bothers? Guess who has ants in her pants and sand in her shoes over it? Come on, guess!!!

My mother. You guessed right, didn't you? But why aren't I changing my name? Can't I at least hyphenate? How does that make HIM feel? What does HE want?

Not only all the questions - but repeatedly. Last night was the 4th time it came up.

As I told Beloved last night --- when I was 21, I changed my name when I got married because my mother said it was what I should do and I listened. I didn't (don't) like my ex's last name. I think I could have kept my own - but I knew that in the circles we were in, not taking my husband's name would be tantamount to worshiping the devil. Or, perhaps, asking my husband to do the dishes now and again.

I couldn't wait to get my name back after the divorce. I missed it. I hated when people would ask me "oh, are you related to so-and-so [with the same last name]?" No! It's not my name. I'm not related to ANYONE with this last name (except my daughters) (and honestly - either is my ex! It was his step-father's name - not his father's name. ) I didn't like that people assumed I was German, because it was a German last name.

MY last name is one that people can ask me questions about. I'll happily tell them "oh, it's Lithuanian, but when my family came here, they shortened it, it used to be ______." People never ask me if I'm related to someone else with my last name, because there IS no one else outside my family with my last name.

My name stays. For good.

posted by Zuska @ 9:03 AM

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