that's how long i spent on the phone this morning with an old friend of mine from California. it was nice to talk to her. i miss her, and her kids. we talked some about trying to plan a joint family vacation - but it won't be possible this year (which is almost over), or next year, b/c i have to take the stupid bar exam. so it will be the next year. if ever. her eldest and my eldest always had a special bond, and even when we've gone over a year without seeing each other, they're able to pick it up again within 10 minutes.
one thing that was nice about talking to her is that she is one of the very few people who understand my feelings on marriage.
i get a little irked when i talk to people in my family about the fact that beloved and i have chosen to go through with an official marriage ceremony.
beloved and i have not been 'shacking up' for the past 2+ years. we have been a family. we made a decision that marriage was not necessary for us to be truly committed to each other, and that it could even be damaging to the relationship we have. we also decided that "marriage" as an institution has become something we do not entirely support. the religiosity of it - the prejudice that is part-and-parcel of the concept these days (perhaps forever, but these days, it's spoken and voted on and codified).
now that we are looking at the realities of the structure of this society we are in, and thinking it will benefit us, people are acting as if it means we are NOW getting together. like, we weren't a couple before. like this is a HUGE CHANGE.
it is not a change in us. it is not something that needs flowers and dresses and champagne. it's just a fact.
but my friend A. gets it - probably b/c she's in california, and that's where beloved and i acquired our attitude toward marriage, b/c our attitude toward marriage fit in so much better when we were on that coast .... if we had stayed there, i bet we wouldn't have made this decision at all.Labels: friendship, life, marriage |
