the girls had their sleepovers. thing two came home with a great resemblence to a dish towel. or perhaps a slinky. she had no firm bones. her bones were jelly. her voice ... grunts. she napped for about an hour, and woke up no better.

Thing One was in better form -- perhaps it was feigned, b/c she wanted her friend to come home with US, b/c her mom had some boring errands to run, and she didn't wnat to go. so they had bright eyes and bushied tails to ask me if they could continue their together-time at our house for a few more hours. i am a softy. i said yes. it went well. i fed them, let them bring my laptop (!!!!! I used to be so possessive, but now it's feeling old, and people (sister, mother, partner) tell me that Thing One needs a laptop, and that she should get this one and that Summer Associate should buy me a new one .... and my protectiveness lapses, and I'm afraid I"m going to end up without a laptop during the spring. i need to be strong. i need to be firm. "No, Thing One, you cannot use my laptop! it is mine. leave it alone.")

where was i? oh yeah. after Thing One's friend left, she (not the friend, but the Thing) had a fit b/c I called time on the computer game they were playing ... it had to do with puppies, and it was on the American Girl website, and the music was ANNOYING!!! and my sister was trying to talk to me via GoogleTalk.

but then it was time for the football game .... between Seattle and Washington (isn't seattle IN washington?). Thing One is a "sportswriter" for a paper that she and her friends decided was lacking at her school, and took the initiative to start up. so we turned it on. before kickoff, Thing One was twitching in the chair. TWITCHING!!! she was OUT!!!

Thing Two watched for a while, figured out who the quarterbacks were. I chatted with my sister, and realized that if this trip to CA is going to happen (in just a month), i needed to buy the tickets.

So, we're on Jetblue, and we're leaving in the evening of 2/15, and returning on a redeye that lands at 7:10 a.m. on 2/26. I called my friend, figured out when her kids are out of school, talked much with my sister about the trip.

So reservations are made, and we're going back. beloved is not coming, which kind of startled the Things. but he has work to consider, and we want to go to Disneyland for Thing One's bday in September (a long standing promise - her 10th bday), and it's my sister, and my very long-term friend from the pre-divorce days.

i wonder if going will make me homesick? my sister lives really only 1 house away from my old home. we loved that home. it had a garden. it was a nice pretty house. it was old, and it had its flaws, but it was my first real home post-separation from ex-schlurg. the girls and i had our struggles there, but we found happiness, and stability. beloved and i really formed our relationship there.

and berkeley in general has so much meaning in my life. it was the place where i stopped being a republican - where i stopped being a christian - where i stopped being a wife. where i stopped being scared. where i stopped feeling stupid. where i started to have confidence. where i felt empowered. it's where i started riding a bike. it's where i started to recycle, and not just b/c everybody else did it, but because i cared.

i love the smell of the place. the jasmine, especially. i love the feel of the air. the mildness, the wetness.

i arrived there when i was 8 months pregnant with Thing One. I left there when she was 7. my kids had first days of school there. i got skinny there, going to the Y every day for hours on end. I first got high there. i first felt pretty there.

i hope that it doesn't hit me hard. i hope i don't fall into a depression of how much i loved it there, how much i loved myself there. how i became myself there.

posted by Zuska @ 8:30 PM

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