E and J went to the town pool today. They're really getting their exercise in this summer: swimming every day, and on days that aren't as hot as today was - biking through our park and to other parks. It's been great for them. I'm very happy with their activity levels.
Today, they went to the pool, and found that it was free, because it was over 90 degrees, and because it's the "start of summer," the swim hours were extended. One of E's closest friends was there with her mom, and they hung out for a while. Both the girls told me, separately, "S was at the pool." They told me that they played and stuff. That was it.
E had gotten a call from another friend, and went with her to see the Nancy Drew movie. While she was gone, S, the friend who was at the pool, called her. When E got home, we passed the message along, and she demanded, "What did she say?" Well, nothing. So E called her back.
Now, E doesn't have the best phone manners. I remind her every time she dials, "Hello, this is E, can I speak with ____, please?" But sometimes she gets distracted, and when the person answers, she says, "Uh, Yeah. Is ___ there?" She did that today. Then she said, "you called?!" sort of snappish. But E gets snappish just b/c she's not paying attention - not because she's grouchy or trying to be mean. So as in similar situations, I remind her, "E, be polite." And she left the room with the phone, but not quickly enough for me not to hear her say, "yeah, I'm sorry, too."
I asked J, "Did E and S get in a fight?" Yep.
So how can both the girls tell me about seeing S, and her mom (a close friend of mine), and talk about playing together and NOT tell me that an argument ensued? How?
I asked E what the fight was about. "nothing." She was being VERY tight lipped. Very. So without thinking, I said, "J, what did they fight about?" J looked at me with big round eyes, dramatically sealed her lips shut, and turned back to what she was doing. I laughed and told her she did the right thing.
But damn! I wanted to know what happened!!
So on the way to the concert in the park, I persisted with the needling at E, trying to break down her resolve to secrecy.
Didn't work. I did probe, and I did needle. She said to me, "Mom! I'm not telling you. Not ever. I will not tell you because the argument was NOT between me, S, and YOU, it was just between ME and S. That's it!"
I told her she was clever, and she was strong, and that I'd leave her alone.
My friend (S's mom) was at the concert, and she didn't know what the fight was about, either, she was just happy they made up and apologized.
So, I will honor my daughter and her maturity. I will honor her boundaries.
And stop needling her.
But geez ... what did they fight about???Labels: *E*, friendship, parenting |
You have way more self-control than I do.