I went into the school this a.m. - got there at 7:25. The principal's door was closed, and she was having a conversation with someone else. I sat on a little couch outside the office, feeling sort of like a kid who was called there, with butterflies in my stomach and all. Then the Vice Principal came in, and asked if I was being helped. I told him I was hoping to speak with the principal. I wondered, "hmm, perhaps he's the one handling it, and I should introduce myself, and see if he is actually who I should talk to ..." but he went to the principal's door, knocked, let himself in, talked about checks and stuff, and then said, "I want to call those kids in this morning." The principal said, "okay, at 8:05," he said, "I want to start with [E]." I said, "I'm E's mom!!!"

So I spoke with him. Other conversations going on in the office at the time had to do with yesterday's incident, and I started to feel like the mom of a problem child. But I shook it off, and stood tall. I have a good daughter.

I told Mr. V.P. that I know that E was not blameless in yesterday's situation .... and he nearly messed himself with happiness. He said, "I'm so glad to hear you say that. So many parents come in yelling that their kid didn't do a single thing wrong, and that's almost never true!" I think he was scared of me until then.

But then I gave him the background. About how E has been fighting this situation for over a month, and that although she perhaps shouldn't have been within kicking range ... the boys' behavior cannot be overlooked. Cannot.

I think I was well-received. I saw E afterward, and she asked how it went. I told her, and she seemed okay ... but then she started to cry and she said, "I didn't want all of this to happen! I just wanted it to stop!" I felt so bad for her. And I realized that I did lose track of telling the V.P. about the confusion that the bullying programs actually put into kids ... the mixed messages between "find an adult" and "don't tattle" - the lie of telling them that it's okay to ask for help, when in fact requests for help turn into phone calls home and meetings with guidance counselors, and friends angry at one another.

I mean, come on. Of course the child didn't make perfect decisions - she's 10. She's a child. Isn't that the whole point of childhood? To learn how to make good decisions -- some of that learning coming from the consequences of bad decisions?

I was going to work at school until 4 today, but I decided not to. I'm home, and I'm leaving shortly to head to the girls' school. J has a knitting class after school, so I'm only going to pick up E. I'm taking her to Whole Foods in order to buy some fish and broccoli (yes, I'm cooking tonight - hold your laughter), and then we'll come and each do our school work at home until we go get J later in the day. Hopefully she'll feel the support, and will welcome the break from the after-school program where the boys she's having trouble with also spend the afternoon. She won't be at the program tomorrow, either.

I also have some knowledge that other moms are pissed. They think that their kids are blameless .... I don't know names, but I'm willing to bet that the ones who are convinced their kids are perfect are the moms to the meanest of the bullies. i also did share with the V.P. just who those kids are - who has been harassing E, and who was new to the situation as of yesterday.

I guess I'm about to get the next update along with my kid ...

Labels: bullies, kids, parenting

posted by Zuska @ 1:32 PM

1 Comments:

At Tuesday, May 01, 2007 5:20:00 PM, LawSchoolMom said…

We went through this with our middle daughter. I also found other parents felt their own children were completely blameless, which also meant they were completely unwilling to reprimand them.

The bullying is part of the reason we transferred school: we want kids and parents who are committed to respecting boundaries. Doesn't work if parents set a poor example.

I know how you feel. Keep going to the principal, or go higher, if you must. E. is your child and you are her best advocate!