The first version was one where I was absolutely excited to go and talk to my kids' teachers. I knew that they would tell me that the girls were ahead of their grade level in all subjects, that they were respectful toward their classmates and their teachers. That I would be praised for the fantasticness of my offspring.

This version? Where I'm looking at the clock in dread. Where I'm wondering just how serious the issues are, and how much of a difference will be apparent from the "report card" I get from the teacher. I'm also dreading a likely confrontation with the teacher.

This would be E's conference that I'm dreading. I've known for weeks that this one is going to be different. E comes home telling me that she was held in from recess for talking during an assembly, but "it's not fair!" because they were talking about how good the assembly was. She tells me how her teacher yells at HER for talking when really it was her friend talking to HER.

And this morning, I found a stack of papers by her bed, the top one being a test returned with an unacceptable grade on it.

This is at least the third time.

I think it's likely that there's a direct correlation between her "talking" issues and her decrease in performance - and if that's so, why am I forced to extrapolate from what she tells me that she's becoming a problem in class? Why am I not hearing this from her teacher?

There's also a direct correlation between the fact that this year has come with MANY social changes. Some kids are learning how to balance the more mature social interactions, and others (E!) are not.

I reacted quite harshly with E this morning. I saw the test, and she saw me see it, and she sort of freaked out about me looking at her stuff. Her school stuff.

I know I asked for input earlier about privacy issues - but home/school communication absolutely positively DOES NOT count as protected material. No fucking way.

yet she freaked "stop snooping through my stuff!" First of all, when you're stuff is splaid out all over the floor, it's not "snooping" for someone to look down. Second of all - well, see above. The stuff came home for the purpose of ME seeing it.

I decided to let it go for that moment (she was still in bed and I was there to wake her for her shower), since it was the morning. Not only was it the morning, but it was the morning after I was out later than usual and didn't see her at night. AND, I have an 8 a.m. class on T/Th, which means I had to be leaving before them, and didn't want to start an argument just to sail out the door, leaving Beloved to deal with the aftermath.

But then E was moving ridiculously slow: I had to tell her 3 times to get out of the shower; she took about 10 minutes getting dressed; she spent 8 minutes fussing with the shoelace of one shoe - I watched her incredulously for about 4 minutes, and then went to dry my hair (b/c it was 30 out, and I was on the bike - don't want frozen hair!) when I got out of the bathroom, I saw her fussing with a shoelace again, and assumed it was the OTHER shoe - but it wasn't!! She'd taken off the shoe that she'd put ON!! And was fussing, again!! Then I told her to go brush her teeth, and 3 minutes later when I went into the bathroom, she was just peering into the mirror - her toothbrush still in its cup.

So I got SUPER bitchy and also laid into her for the test. Of course, she said it's "not her fault" because she didn't even know it was a test when she was doing it. Huh?

I ended up NOT going to school on time, choosing to stay home longer and see the morning through. She wasn't a happy girl when she left the house - but honestly, I haven't even shared all of her behavior that I wasn't happy with -- she was not in top form, to say the least.

Yet, of course, as is the case whenever our day starts off like shit, I felt awful all morning. While talking to a friend at school after class, I realized that I said by to J without wishing her luck on her speech that she's worked hard on all week, and I felt horrible.

Tears horrible.

And then I felt even more horrible upon stepping back and realizing how this year has just been full of "issues" for E, and that if we don't find a solution now - she's going to lose her standing in school, and is going to be an underachiever - like her mother before her.

I so do not want that.

I can't even put into words how much I don't want that.

Yet I don't know how to stop it.

Discouragement. My word of the day.

Labels: kids, parenting

posted by Zuska @ 1:43 PM

2 Comments:

At Thursday, March 29, 2007 5:11:00 PM, Jessica Gottlieb said…

Oh E.

This will be her challenge year.

Have you sat in the classroom a little? Can you offer her practical tips?

I think I'll blog a little about Eve's teacher this year, sometimes a few moments in the classroom is really valuable.

And I hate feeling like a shitty mother so early in the morning. The really bad mothers never feel horrible though.
At Thursday, March 29, 2007 6:09:00 PM, Zuska said…

Third grade was the last year teachers let parents in the classroom (as a rule - I'm sure if we pushed, they'd have no choice, it's a public school).

Wait till you see my follow up post ... I feel like I am CONSTANTLY underestimating my daughter.