parens binubus

more than you want to know about a law school graduate/bar examinee who is also raising two children and doing her best at being a partner to her love.

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  • Thursday, February 15, 2007
    Not a full moon ....
    As long as this week felt, it sure went fast. It felt like it would never end on Tuesday, but the weather, I think, made things move quicker, and now it's already Thursday evening.

    We're going to CT this weekend, and I haven't packed or even thought about what we all need to bring. We're having this weird dinner-thing on Saturday night, and should we dress up? I am capable, but my kids sort of don't have any dressy clothes anymore. They used to ... they used to love dressing up. But now they hate it, and since we never go anywhere that demands it, they don't have dressy clothes. I suppose I could make it my mission to always be sure they have at least ONE dressy outfit, but chances are that they'd outgrow it without ever wearing it. Ick.

    I did purposefully do all of our laundry, knowing I'd need to have clean clothes.

    We had a *thing* at J's after school program tonight. It was just us girls, because Beloved works evenings on Thursdays.

    J was off with her friends, and E and I were sitting and talking. She had told me yesterday that she had a notice or something for me, and I forget to get it from her. So I asked her while she was eating "where's that thing?" she said, "it's in my backpack." I said, "give it to me" seh said, "can you get it out? You're closer." I just shrugged and ate my asparagus. Then later (20 minutes?) I said, "oh, I'll get that thing now, kick your backpack over to me?" and she did.

    As I lifted it, she got a look of panic on her face. "No, mom, I'll get it!!" as she frantically scrabbled to get her pack from me.

    I mean, come on. Who wouldn't be curious? Who wouldn't think somethign was up? I asked her why and she said, "uh, there are a few oranges in my bag, and I don't want you to get mad." I knew she was lying, but I said, "fine, then take your backpack over to the trash, and empty the oranges into it before they get all rotten."

    I knew that she was also getting rid of whatever it was she wanted to keep from me. I let it go.

    But then, like 20 minutes later, she was still at the trash. Her backpack is large, but seriously. This was ridiculous. I went over to her, and she was still rifling through things. She said she had lost the notice that she was going to give me. I started moving stuff around in the trash, "whatareyoudoing!!!???????!!!!! MOM!!!!????"

    Okaaaaaaayyyyyy. I said, "Maybe you threw it away, by accident." She said, "i did not! Mom! [because I kept looking] I went through every piece, it's not in there!" and as her voice was getting more frantic, I pulled the notice out of the trash. "oh," she said. But what person in their right mind would stop going through the trash at that point?

    What if there was a note from her teacher? What if it was a test with a bad grade? What if it was notes between her and her friends passed in class? So I kept looking. I came across an envelope - just like the one that I found in her backpack that was addressed to her 3rd grade teacher ... a Valentine ... only this one was for a boy.

    I'm sure my fingers twitched near the opening ... but I didn't open it. I handed it back to her, amidst her frantic protests. She threw it back in the trash. I told her she shouldn't throw it away there, in the middle of her cafeteria, because someone might find it. She started to cry that she couldn't bring it home, because I'd look at it. So I told her to rip it up. So she did.

    She stayed offended, but clingy. She said I should have stopped looking through the garbage once I found what I was looking for. I told her that she was so damned obvious, I thought she was hiding a bad grade on a test, or a note from her teacher, and once I saw that it wasn't one of those things, I let it go, and now it was time for her to. We talked again later, at home, and she's okay with it now.

    So then we got home. J asked for help with her homework. She actually didn't ask - she demanded. She insisted she "couldn't do it." Which is never the truth with her. I told her to look at it again while I took a minute to change my clothes, etc., and she said she COULD NOT! Okay, something was wrong - I should have known it already.

    It only went downhill from there. My usually cooperative and happy-go-lucky child went nuts. She couldn't wrap her mind around the "creative thinking" problem assigned to her - even though it was well within her abilities. she had to think of ways that someone could use straws, and seemed incapable to think of anything other than "sucking liquid out of a glass." I tried to give her ways to think about straws that would lend to new ways of using them - and I refused to give her answers. She screamed and yelled. I sent her to bed. She came back out, sniffling, saying she had to do her homework, and could I please help her.

    Now re-read the above paragraph.

    And again.

    Finally I told her that she was done trying - she was in bed for the night, and if she wanted to do her hoemwork in the morning, I would wake her up early. All the volume and screaming was multiplied by 10. She yelled so loud, I am sure the whole building heard her. I had to physically LIFT her and take her to her bed, with her grabbing onto the walls as we went through the hallway. It was UNBELIEVABLE, and it has never happened before, except maybe once, when she was 4.

    I thought, "Beloved can deal with her when he gets home, he's better at calming her down than I am." But then I thought it wasn't fair -- I am her mom, she is my kid - I can do it, too. So I went and talked to her, and calmed her down. She cried, and said she doesn't understand what happened, and why she acted that way, and that she was sorry. We talked about the fucking straws, and she came out of bed and thought of 13 ideas of ways to use straws.

    Then she came over to me and said, "I hope it's not bad of me to even ask this question, but can I still have my Valentine's candy? Or did I behave too badly?" She was so cute, and sweet (again), and back to NORMAL, that I wanted to let her have her candy. But I could not. Not in good conscience. Because then if this whole odd scenario happened again, it would be my own damned fault.

    I do feel bad for her - she was so clearly over tired. She went from school to play practice to her after school program, to the pot luck (where she was so hyper and riled up to be with her friends) where she did a performance, and then home .... she was just so tired, she short circuited.

    Now they're in bed, and Grey's Anatomy is about to start.

    Thank god.


    posted by Zuska @ 7:54 PM  
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