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| Monday, December 12, 2005 |
| Lyco's Wish Is My Command |
Lyco - a favorite fellow blogger of mine - drew my attention to this meme, and I will undertake to fight off my exhaustion (which I fear is the result of a tummy flu traveling through my office) and write a little. I think it will do me some good. Su Doku has been robbing me of most of my free time, and although it may be exercising some part of my brain, it may not be the most useful part.
Zuska 10 years ago:
The virtual eve of my one-year wedding anniversary. i was working as a legal secretary, the ex-schlurg was just finishing mid-year exams in his second year of law school. (huh, i'm exactly 10 years behind him ... never realized that before). I was living in Birmingham, Alabama. Five days from today, 10 years ago, ex-schlurg and I decided to stop using birth control. The Plan was that I would get pregnant, give birth around the time he started working in for an area law firm, and once Kiddos 1, 2, 3, and 4 (all boys, of course) started school, I'd go to law school. I was 23.
Zuska 5 years ago:
I had only recently returned to Berkeley, CA after an 8 month detour to my parents' house in CT while the schlurg went to London to conduct research for his dissertation. i was running my own business doing transcription and paralegal work, but it wasn't working to create a steady income, so i was also working in a book store 2 evenings a week, and one day per weekend so that we could afford groceries. he was still working on his dissertation, and in classes. Thing One was 4. Thing Two was 2.5. We were miserable. We lived in a tiny (600sf) student housing apartment in the Berkeley hills. I was very sick of being married to a student. I was sick of being married. Further schooling, further careers .... light years away in my thinking. Impossible. I would have never found the courage or the belief in myself to think I could even walk into any graduate school classroom, let alone do well, and be successful and confident. I was not a good mother. My patience was short. I was often depressed, and spent mornings in bed for way too long while the kids watched the Disney Channel. But it only went down hill from there. (2000 was not a good year for me.) I was 28. By far the hardest age I've lived through.
Zuska 1 year ago:
The end of reading week for my first bout of exams. Despite exams being an unknown, I had more confidence in myself than I'd ever had in my entire life. More would come as law school progressed. Beloved and I had some growing pains resulting from the first 6 months of living together, but there was no doubt we'd make it through. I was so happy and surprised and grateful that I'd found someone who was a TRUE partner. Someone who could really support me as a person -- who could look around a house, a life (not only his own) -- and pitch in where needed. I was ever reminding myself of what it was like to be on the other side of a law-school relationship ... dealing with the other person being stressed, preoccupied, unable to talk about Anything. Other. Than. Law. And ever trying NOT TO BE A SCHLURG!!! Fortunately, the constant reality and responsibility of Thing One and Thing Two helped me to keep that perspective more. The feeling was there that being 32 (instead of 22) was helping me in law school. The maturity - the countervailing responsibilities - the 10 years of learning what's important (and how letting ONE THING (school!!) become the MOST and ONLY important thing can ruin a family ... a partner ... a lot) -- had served me well. I was striving for balance (as well as success).
Zuska Yesterday/Today:
I remain in love. That's the first thought for who I am today. I am so grateful for my partner, and all that he is, and all that he brings to our life together. We have, in just a year and a half, come very far in building a family here in Boston. Thousands of miles and 4 years from where we started. I love my daughters. They are so smart, and funny, and sometimes wise. And oh-so-beautiful. I am pleased with the parent that I am. I feel more hectic, rushed, and busy than I'd like to. Second year of law school for me means that I rotate into 3 months of work after 3 months of school, and the transition is rough, but do-able. Just came off a quarter of school that felt much more demanding than the first semester of the first year, but I believe I accomplished all I needed to. I am proud of what I've discovered myself as capable of. I have a job lined up that may bring me some financial security for the first time in life, but must be balanced with some serious decision-making about what I want for my life. Some serious considerations about the balance of work and family, and how much is just a myth. I am happy that I've come to school. Happy that I live in Boston - with these three wonderful people, and two super-cute cats. |
posted by Zuska @ 8:07 PM   |
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| 2 Comments: |
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Thank you so much for the post, it was lovely.
P.S. Those few ciggy drags were the only I had. I realized that I'm *not* the type, and, even if I was before--I'm just not that stressed this time.
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my pleasure. i also found this go-round to be less stressful than last year - still a lot of work -- just less stress.
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Thank you so much for the post, it was lovely.
P.S. Those few ciggy drags were the only I had. I realized that I'm *not* the type, and, even if I was before--I'm just not that stressed this time.