damn.

i've known that i was OVERLY spoiled for some time now. something in the back of my mind was saying, "zuska, this isn't right. why is this right? the reverse wouldn't be right, so why is this right?" and i wondered if perhaps, i was letting an important and valuable part of myself atrophy. making myself less capable than i truly am. because i am capable.

now i am being FORCED out of my luxury. ousted.

beloved got a job. after our summer of ease and lack of double-demands, and our fall of Slow Transition and feeling out of different opportunities - it's time to return to a dual-working-parent household. Which means juggling of chores and responsibilities.

Which means .....

i.

have.

to.

cook.

sometimes. 2-3 nights a week. The only way it will be 2 is if I make one of the 3 nights be "leftover night."

tomorrow is my first day, and I even have to do the grocery shopping necessary prior to cooking. And I'm stressing out! I get out of class at 4:35, and I must ride the bike to the store (I think I'll do Trader Joe's), pick up some kind of grub (lazy-man grub), then zoom to pick up J. from the after-school program, and then zoom home - oh, no. Then walk the bike home, with J. alongside me, to get here by 6 so E. can be dropped off from cello practice.

after this craziness, I'm going to do better with planning - but I don't have that much notice for tomorrow.

After tomorrow, I'm going to start to plan ... make an actual menu and put my ingredients on beloved's list for his weekly shopping trip.

I already know what I'm doing on Thursday. I'm making potato pancakes (what many call Latkes). Beloved hates it when I make them, b/c they are cooked in a very generous amount of veggie oil, and honestly, they make the air icky. But the girls and I think that the deliciousness is worth it. Since he'll be working in the evening on Thursday - I am taking advantage of his absence to cook them.

______________________

now more on the job:

This past summer, his old company was moving (this is a repeat for some, I think), and he didn't want to move with them, b/c it would have meant us needing a car, or some other atrociousness, which involved long commutes and low quality of life. And at the same time, I was starting my stint as a Summer Associate, and at the same time, the girls were heading into the End of the Year, and there was a LOT going on, and he wanted to write a book.

So he didn't get a new job right away.

Then he stumbled upon some other opportunity - an internship - that was a foot in the door in a field that he's wanted a foot in the door of. It wasn't paid, but that was okay, we could afford it - I had the job, and the girls were getting ready to take off for their dad's (less people to support), and it seemed like the perfect thing. In the back of our minds we were thinking, "and it could lead to an open door, and a full time permanent job in this field."

The summer went great for him - he got a lot of writing done, his internship was fantastic, and he built the girls a new bedroom. Then the internship was over, and sadly for all of us, we knew it was time for him to get a job. I had hoped that perhaps we could make the summer $$ stretch so that he could not work full time (or not at all - just write full time), but the trip to Disney and the new computer, and all of our weekend trips made it so that didn't look likely.

But just as he was on his way out the door from the internship, a potential related opportunity came along, and it sort of put the job search on hold.

It was not really that easy of a thing - the potential opportunity was a huge Step Up for him, and while I was confident he could do it, he was a wee more skeptical. It also meant we were going to have to re-think the idea of him being around during hte days while I'm being worked to the bone by the Future Firm - which was an I idea I liked, b/c it gave me confidence that all would be well, and that he liked, b/c it meant he could delve into writing. But this opportunity was not something to casually turn away from. So he went for it.

in the end, the Opportunity went to someone for whom it was a Lateral Move, not a Step Up.

And we were back to the drawing board.

But now, still through the internship and in the desired field, yet another possibility came along. It was not such a Step Up, but it's local, and it's an independent something or other that is nice, and it's a part of our community, and it's part-time (but enough for us to be okay, especially with my co-op right around the corner).

today he was offered the job.

So, tomorrow he starts.

And I have to stop being a spoiled brat.

It's likely about time.

posted by Zuska @ 6:03 PM

3 Comments:

At Monday, October 16, 2006 9:48:00 PM, The Marpepps! said…

First, I enjoy reading about the decisions you make as a family and why. Since I'm a 3L as well, and those are serious concerns of mine (balancing family and job) it's so nice not to reinvent the wheel. So thanks, inventor Z.

Second, it's so funny to me that you dislike cooking. I despise the dishes, mowing, raking, and pretty much anything small involving handy skills, but I love cooking. I wish I knew how to channel my love of cooking into you... what about it makes you not like it?

Also, can you get your girls to help out any? Maybe that would help make it a little easier or even fun :). Oh, and leftovers night is totally fair.
At Monday, October 16, 2006 9:59:00 PM, Zuska said…

there have been times that i love cooking. when i can just do that. just cook. juggling cooking with everything else that happens in a day is HARD for me. I hate planning - I hate thinking of things to cook - I hate shopping. I don't have to worry about cooking, b/c our deal is that whoever cooks does NOT clean (which means I always clean, and if I cook, I get a break from cleaning).

If it's a Saturday, and all the ingredients are here in the house, and I can open a bottle of wine, and chop while chatting, and chop and sip while hanging out, and without a schedule - I'm good.

but that's rarely my life!
At Tuesday, October 17, 2006 11:15:00 AM, Yankee, Transferred said…

Well, thanks for visiting at my blog. I'm blogrolling you, and you should feel free to do the same, if you are so inclined.
"Fireplacing" is a substitute for the usual "F" word, and it was coined because my sister's realtor told her that her house ad would not run because of "questionable" language-the word that was offensive was "fireplace"
Anyway, welcome to Yankee, Transferred. Stop by again!
And yeah, on the cooking. I'm exhausted when I get home, and as much as I love to cook on the weekend, the most dreaded question I have every day is, "What's for dinner?"