Thing Two and I had our monthly mother/daughter book thingy tonight. all in all, it was a pretty good time. we left the house in order to get there at 6:30 about 20 minutes after i returned from picking up Thing One from her community acting/singing/playwriting class. she had a great time, and is very excited about the project.

the book group feels like a really good opportunity for me, but in a way that really eccentuates the fact that i am straddling that introvert/extrovert line. I really DREAD going to a house where there will be 4 other moms and 4 other kids -- all the rest of whom have been close since these 2nd grade 7 and 8 year olds were in preschool together, and me being the newby. but then i have a nice time while i'm there, and it's nowhere near as painful as the anticipation is. We had very nice conversations with the kids, and then later sent the kids off to play, and had a ladies' chat where we discussed everything from prior careers, to fears about our kids getting older and the question of drug use in teenagers, which of course led to a discussion of drug use by us as kids, if any. We talked about homosexuality, and our varying acceptance levels of homosexual relationships, and about gay people who find themselves trapped in a straight marriage and lifestyle. Rather intense conversations for me to have with people I barely know. But it was a nice conversation, and I was glad to be a part of it.

outside the enjoyable conversation aspect, the book group is a good opportunity because it allows me to become a part of this community, rather than someone who drifts around the edges - where i'm usually most comfortable. it allows me to get to know Thing Two's friends and their parents better, and allows me not to disappear into my own self too much, which, as a parent, can serve to cut off my kids' social opportunities.

altohugh in reality, i am so different than others. first of all, the next youngest mom is 7 years older than me. she's 40. and she is young by the standards of this area for having kids our kids' ages. the oldest is 50 something, and her oldest child is in college. second of all, none of these other moms are in school. either they're comfortable in their role as a stay-at-home mom, or they're well established in a career. i'm trapped between those two, it feels like sometimes. third of all, i seem to be [odd to say this] the strictist of the moms.

i never thought i'd be a "strict mom." but i do not have the ability to tune my kids out. i can't see Thing Two being all hyper and keyed up and inappropriate without stepping in. i can't watch her stuff her face with too many grapes and strawberries without telling her to slow down. i. just. can't. do. it.

Both the girls pushed and tested today. Thing One in hte afternoon, when I overlapped with the babysitter for about 45 minutes, and Thing Two at book group. They both were testing what would happen when someone else (or many someone elses) are there to watch -- what will I do? I called them both on it after the fact. Thing One pretty much acknowledged that she was behaving badly. she was being what can be described as nothing but annoying, and i heard the babysitter very clearly telling her to stop hopping, stop squeaking, stop yelling (thing one is, if you recall, NINE!! Not three - which would make the hopping and squeaking more appropriate. yelling is probably never appropriate, but tends to happen at all ages.). The babysitter's obvious frustration served to let me know that this was not typical behavior. phew. so i spoke with my child on the way to her theater group, and she seemed to be okay. I have known that this happens if the babysitter and I are home at the same time, and this is why all week I did my best to leave the house before they all got home. But today, I did laundry all day (while watching Friends, and cracking up hysterically dozens of times!) and would have had to rush to leave the house by 2:30, and knowing that Thing One needed to be walked to her theater group, i decided to stay home, and let the babysitter and Thing Two stay home while I walked Thing One to her class. I thought "40 minute of overlap - how bad can it be?" Well, it can be very bad.

Thing Two, however, didn't take her discussion so well. She had pretty much refused to listen to me while we were sitting in the book group circle - 5 moms, 5 girls - using the fact that we were in said circle as a shield from me doing anything about it. I did let it go at the time, b/c it was not a huge deal (she took one more cookie after I told her no more). When I brought it up with her on the way home, however, she pitched a fit, and it ended up a huge struggle where she denied what had happened, blamed me of accusing her falsley, was indignant that i dared to reprimand her, and cried and became generally quite obnoxious. It was quite an ordeal, for over an hour, over something that should have been quite small.

Eventually, she admitted that I was NOT hallucinating when I saw her take that final forbidden cookie. She had said she was upset and felt like i didn't even LIKE her, b/c I didn't ask her if she did it, I just assumed that she did. I told her that IF she and her friends were playing upstairs in a bedroom, and we heard a giant CRASH, and the moms went upstairs to see that a lamp had been broken and I instantly said, "Thing Two! Why did you break that lamp!" that she could then say that i should have asked her first. That instead, the appropriate thing would be to say, "wow. what happened?" and then wait to see what the girls all said. But that when I witness something with my own eyes, there is no need for a request for information. I have the information. She seemed to understand, and gave me a hug, and went to sleep.

What I am truly hopeful for is that the fact that I stuck to my guns tonight (and this afternoon with Thing One) is all it will take to let the girls know that the tests failed. Because I don't want to be put in the position where during the next book group I am required to remove Thing Two from the group setting because she again took advantage of the setting. But if she tries, I really do have to follow through, or else she's learned that in a group setting, Mom is nothing.

posted by Zuska @ 12:11 AM

1 Comments:

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