i have tackled the biggest job in my house, for me. that is my bedroom. i cannot show photos, b/c Beloved has yet to do his part. I admit freely that on 364 days of the year, it is 100% pointless for him to clean his sections of the bedroom, because mine are so overwhelmingly messy. Today, however, mine are clean.

I have done a very thorough job, too. I moved my bed, and swept and wiped down the floor under and behind the bed. I cleaned out the radiators, both inside, on top, and under. I have dusted shelves. I have wiped down walls and knocked down cobwebs (yes, I had cobwebs. shut up.)

I am about to do my closet floor, which I don't think is too bad. I think most things there can just be thrown away and/or donated.

Some things I took out of the bedroom must now be dealt with in other rooms. i have a piece of furniture which I tend to call "the green thing." I don't know what else to call it. A sidetable, perhaps, except that it opens up, and is a filing cabinet inside. I think it's pretty. It's green, and it's from L.L. Bean's Home department - my mom bought it for me back during my marriage to the Schlurg, which may be part of why beloved hates it, i don't know.

It's supposed to be where I file things. Papers and such. Except that I don't typically file. Plus, when we moved here from CA, we didn't have anything to put the stereo on, so we put it on the Green Thing. It's a big multi-component stereo of Beloved's, and it is NOT portable, in any way. So I did not file in the Green Thing for approx 1.5 years. Now, however, the stereo has been moved, and I have my Green Thing back.

In its absence, all of my papers ended up in various boxes. They are not bad boxes - we got them at IKEA, and they have labels and stuff on them. it wasn't so willy-nilly. Now that the Green Thing is Free, and I have an entire extra wardrobe to fit into an already full 1/2 (more like 4/10ths) of a shelving unit and 1/2 of a closet, I needed the space. So I must now re-file all of these papers (1.5 years' worth!) into the Green Thing. I'm gonna do it tonight.

Right now, however, the Things and Beloved are watching the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy while I clean the room and listen to a book on tape. I'm done (but for the closet), but their movie isn't over.

I'm also arguing with Beloved. So I don't want to be in there right now, b/c I am a very MATURE 33 years old. We are fighting over our limited space. I think he brings too much stuff into the house, while constantly getting on me for not "getting rid of things," and he thinks (this is my best guess, we have yet to speak of it, b/c I refuse to fight in front of the Children) that I'm trying to PUSH his stuff out of the house, leaving him no individuality to speak of.

I am difficult, I think (know). Generally, I am a slob. I truly am. I take off my clothes, and leave them on the floor. Often with the belt on the pants, and the underwear tangled through the legs -- and I just walk away (in my loungewear) and sit on the couch. By the end of the week, there are at least 4 or 5 of these jumbled messes. I admit it, I'm horrid.

However, every now and then, I get a bee in my bonnet, and I want to clean. When things are "clean," I want them CLEAN. I want my "show" mode to be perfect. I don't want stacks of books or "neat piles" of crap. I want PERFECTION. I want something worthy of a Pottery Barn catalog. It must be very difficult to be my partner. See? I acknowledge my contradictions - but I don't know what to do with them.

I see the solution as relatively simple -- I am willing to work on things so that they are clean ALL THE TIME. I feel that in very small bits, I'm getting there. Typically, I can keep the main areas of the house clean. Straightened and clean. The living room, the dining room, and if I'm being good, the kitchen. Also, I'm good about my bathroom (we have two in this apartment. I share mine with the girls, and Beloved shares his with the cats. I have the better deal for soooo many reasons, namely: 1) the girls are toilet trained; 2) the girls can be forced to do "chores" which include emptying the bathroom trash, wiping down the bathroom sink, even sweeping the bathroom floor; 3) the girls do not shred rolls of toilet paper into tiny bits when they're mad at me for waking up late and not feeding them; and last, but certainly NOT least, 4) the girls never ever ever wipe their poopy butts on the bathroom floor, trying to get a hair unstuck.)

My bedroom is the sore spot. But now that the girls' bedroom is so organized and good, I want the same for myself, and I'm willing to work toward it. I have a few things I've already changed, and a few plans to change more. I think (and hope) that if I can keep my things from disintegrating into squalor, beloved will keep his things a wee bit more under control. But of course, it's hard for me to expect that I can snap my fingers when the mood strikes, and have him get in line with my whim (which is, right now, for cleanliness).

Hopefully, soon, I'll be a Better Partner, and Beloved and I can be in the same room again.

posted by Zuska @ 9:24 PM

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