parens binubus

more than you want to know about a law school graduate/bar examinee who is also raising two children and doing her best at being a partner to her love.

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  • Saturday, September 09, 2006
    (cross-posted at the thus far experimental "zuska's house")

    as i have said here before, i have a History with fundamentalism (which i use to mean born again christianity). my mother was "converted" when i was approx 13, the house rules changed, and life was drastically altered. i attended an uber-religious college (run by the illustrious Jerry Falwell) and married directly from that environment, a boy with a background more heavily steeped in the nonsense than my own.

    we then changed. differently, it turns out. as i learned, path away from christianity (the flavor i had tasted, anyway) did not after all go in a single direction (i.e., to Hell), but rather, opened many doors.

    he went the way of intellectualism and philosophy (secular) and i went the way of Love Thy Neighbor and non-judgmentalism. turns out, we stopped being compatible.

    His parents, however, as well as my parents, remain immersed.

    i have fought with my parents, had several conversations, and eventually come to terms with the fact that I am no longer of their religious fold. they spent many years trying to, on the sly, indoctrinate the girls. eventually, on threat of alienation, i stopped that.

    since my ex and i separated, his parents have not raised hte issue with the children. it made me trust them more than i trusted my own parents. i am not close with his parents ... he told them half and un-truths in order to gain their support (financial) in the days following our separation, and they think I'm Evil. but i still felt that they treated the girls well, worked toward their happiness, and resisted stooping so low as to try and Indoctrinate them.

    The other day, however, i spent some time on the phone with my ex. he told me that he had been at his mom's house, and she sat him down.

    Ooooooh boy.

    she laid into him!!!! She told him that he is failing his family (and defined it as: his new wife, his daughters (my daughters), and his new wife's extended family) in that he is not guiding them toward the lord. she said that she KNOWS that his seat in heaven is secured, because she can picture clearly in her mind the day when he was 4 years old and bowed his head and asked jesus into his heart, but that he has since dropped the ball, and he needs to put his heart right, and lead his family to jesus.

    she then said (makes me sick to think of it) that she prays daily that god give her the privilege to bring MY DAUGHTERS to jesus, that she can walk them through the lord's prayer (which I have termed 'the magic spell') and bring them to the lord's throne.

    he at that point found it appropriate to crack a joke along the lines of my parents being ready and willing to arm-wrestle her for the privilege.

    So ..... the trust is gone. i told the Ex that i thought that the girls were pretty stable at this point, and would not just get swept up from a single attempt to bring them into the lord's army. he said that he didn't know, b/c he hadn't discussed such things with them in approx 4 years.

    4 years.

    i hate to think of the girls having the schtick thrust upon them. the fear, the flames, the emotional manipulation. i am pretty certain that the ex and i are on the same page .... i know he fancies himself an athiest, but i don't know that he thinks it's all that important that the girls not be subjected to it

    after all, he was subjected to it ... he even said the Magic Spell, and he's fine.

    (never mind the divorce and the fact that he's separated from his daughters for the past 6 years ... he's FINE)
    posted by Zuska @ 11:13 PM  
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